Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Thursday, July 26, 2007
One of my Friendster groups is "Real Men Wear Eyeliner"
They've got a jokes section. Some are a little dirty, some are lame, some are hilarious. I'm directly copying and pasting the jokes here. So anyhoo, enjoy~~
Why did the professor have his doorbell removed? So he could win the nobel prize.
there's 3 people. EVON ADRIEL AND BUNNY, all 3 of them died and went to heaven.As they were new, this senior came and told them the rules. the senior said : " you can do whatever you want here BUT DO NOT STEP ON THE YELLOW TILES! or else something bad will happen."
on the second day, evon went back with a super ugly husband.adriel and bunny were shocked! so they asked her what happened. evon said : " SUAY LAH I STEPPED ON THE YELLOW TILE! bunny and adriel : "-.- "
on the next day, adriel came back with a super super ugly wife, even uglier then evon's husband. so bunny and evon were shocked! they asked him what happened. adriel said : " SUAY AH I STEPPED ON A YELLOW TILE!! " evon and bunny : " -.-"
on the next day, bunny came back. guess what? she came back with a SUPER HOT husband. so adriel and evon were VERY SHOCKED! they asked what happened. bunny's husband replied : " SUAY AH I STEPPED ON THE YELLOW TILE! "
The Creation of Eve
God went down to Eden to see how Adam was getting on.
"What do you think of life Adam?" said God. "Well" said Adam "It's quite hard work and a little boring and,well,just a little lonely too". "Don't worry" declared God "I've been working on a solution to all these problems. I'm going to create a Woman. She'll wash and cook for you and she'll have sex with you whenever you want. In fact she'll do everything you can imagine".
"That sounds great" said Adam "but how much will this Woman cost me?"
"I was thinking an arm and a leg" answered God
"That sounds a bit steep, what can I get for a rib?"
Adam: God, why did you create Eve?
God : so you wouldnt be lonely.
Adam : God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?
God: so you would love her.
Adam : but God, Why did you make women so stupid?
God : so she would love you.
A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother,"grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weight"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!
The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all the information will be there.
The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weight 130lb., and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy whispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex"
Biblical Questions and Answers
Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A. They were really put out.
Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A. They really raised Cain.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A. The thought had never entered his head before.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.
Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? A. Turn right and go straight.
Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."
Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court
An elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for,and your answer can not take all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye. She paused for a moment then confessed, "Yes. Yes he did." The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?" Again the woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You"