Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Aye... actually I didn't want to post this now, but I think my emotions at the moment are kinda bugging me to express it out. I was having a 4-way chat with Wai Kwan, Ruz and Kok Kin on MSN just now. Then there was an emoticon that popped up showing a person jumping off the building. That immediately reminded me of Nick, and although they knew nothing about him, I mentioned that that's how he died. That led to a series of conversations about death, family and all.
I met Nick during my first few visits to KL, before I moved up here. I heard he cooked really well and he was a friendly guy, who'd make jokes and had a very quirky sense of humour. He also spoke very personally about cellgroup and life issues to me when he drove me back occasiionally. I got to know him better during my 2 months here, and he's a pleasant friend. He's got a unique personality, and he's got great insights to many things. He also cooks very well, and it was just 2 weeks or so ago that he cooked a meal for the cellgroup members.
Now he's gone? I've lost several people to death already. In fact, for those who didn't know me for long, I tried to commit suicide myself. Knives, poisoning, thrashing. And I still didn't die. Thank God I didn't. I never cared about how people would react to my death, but seeing how Nick's funeral was like, I could gain a greater appreciation of how people will react when you commit suicide. I saw plenty of people crying, and seeing his mom just sob so loudly really hurt my heart. His dad looked very firm though, and I admired his strength.
Nick looked really different in the coffin. He really looked pale and although I know he's dead, it still was a shock to accept that this was an actual body. The body of my friend for that matter. I was upset for sure, but I kept my cool, 'cause some part of me was still shocked. We had a discussion about the Protestant and Catholic views on suicide, to which I've never fully denied the Catholic view, because although the Protestant view is much more biblical, there's some very good arguments for the Catholic view too. Either way, I really hope the Protestant view is the true one, and that Nick is with Jesus.
I have to say I've been quite fortunate. I've always been in good classes with good people and friends. This is no exception. I suppose out of this, cliques did emerge and I hang out with Wai Kwan, Ruz and Kok Kin mostly. Although we've only known each other for 2 months, we talk about certain things that even a few years friendship might not be sufficient enough to disclose so much. And I'm glad. Friends (and God of course) were what kept me alive throughout my life. I've always been indebted to my friends. I've always got the best people helping me out, aiding me, and being there for me, giving me space, accepting my rants, and being a real person for me. I just read someone's blog who said anyone living in peace and happiness are deluded. Sorry, but I gotta disagree. Jesus, family and my friends are at the top of the list of happiest things to ever happen in my life. I interact with all 3 daily, and in the midst of so much I've been through, I have to say I wouldn't have it any other way. I enjoy my life, and I can say I've found happiness, even with divorce, even with death.
So, although we may not have known each other very long, I have a feeling you guys will be some of the greatest friends I've ever had in my life. Thanks.