Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Ah... my final topic before I reveal what this 7th year anniversary is about. Of course, I still owe one more day's worth of thoughts, but I did have a real reason for not posting that day. And I'm a little lazy to type it. Above all, I'm tired!
For my topics in my recent posts, I didn't really think through what to type. I would think a few moments before posting and something I've wanted to share would come up. I'd begin with a few interesting notes and continue on the topic related. Right now though, my mind's been a blank for what to post, for nearly 2 hours. Stuck about what to write, and knowing what my post will be about tomorrow, I thought I'd make a post on my views about life, and specifically, my life.
Now life is precious. Once you take it away, it can never come back (save Lazarus and Jesus, notably). The murder of a person has, in many countries, required the murderer to be executed. A life for a life. Sounds fair? Sometimes. Sometimes people do change while in prison. Sometimes the change is so major that executing the changed person is as good as executing the wrong man. I'm no murderer of course, but I have seen cases where people repented while in prison, and eventually helped save others in prison. They see the errors of their previous ways and become whole new different people. I can easily recall 3 famous pastors who were in jail before, and repented while behind bars.
One thing about lives is that they're very precious towards God. After all, He did die to save all lives. Some people, don't get the enormity of this simple fact. One objection I hear very often from a friend of mine is that Christianity is too simple. She says that let's say Hitler (or if you want, any other terrible leader) was about to die, and at that moment he said he was sorry and that he believed in God. Then he'd go to heaven. I can't accept that. It seems she completely misunderstands what true salvation is. She thinks believing in God is one a one step easy declaration that brings you to heaven. Far from it, though it may seem that way. In actuality, it's a time where you see how much wrong you've done, and how much you really need God to be saved. When you realize that you can't save yourself, and that you need to be forgiven, and genuinely ask for forgiveness, that's true salvation. And I doubt Hitler did that. His suicide proves it.
Of course, you don't need God to be good. I know a lot of unbelievers that are good people. Everyone knows the difference between wrong and right. What people often lack is the will to do right. The Bible says that God will not allow anyone to bear more than they can handle. That's kinda like saying if you're going through something, you have the capability to survive it. If you have the choice between wrong and right, you have the capacity to choose good, as much as some people like to say they had no choice in picking the wrong.
Life is precious, that's one thing for sure. That's come to be more of a reality as some of my friends die. And later on, when more die (it is inevitable, after all), it will only serve to reinforce that truth. I really treasure my friends lives, to an extent, where I don't value my life as much as theirs. Now I'm not saying I don't give a damn about my life at all. I do, and I've stopped attempting suicide for a long time already. I try to make my life easier, more fun and better. However you can say in a sense I don't care about my life either. I drink coke for over half the week, I eat whatever I want, not caring about the nutrition value. I walk across the road recklessly all too often. I care very little about what would happen to me if I suddenly left this world. I don't know, maybe you can call it a result of my past, where I also didn't care about my life much. I will not consciously let myself die, but if it somehow does happen, then I'll kinda be like "Oh well." I know a hell lot of Christians who would say I'm not valuing my life like God does, and blah blah blah. Dude, I know how God values my life! And I also know that things have difference in value to different people. My life is worth so much to God. I, however, don't place that much importance on my own life. Even if I said I did, I'd just be lying.
Its come to an extent where if one day I was asked to sacrifice my life for anyone I knew in the world, I would do it pronto. Okay, maybe there'd be a few exceptions. A porn addict, a moron, a certain idiot, and maybe a few others I would consider first. For anyone else I can decently say are my friends, even people I barely know, I would agree to give up my life for theirs. Call that picking and selecting, but I think even you would think through carefully before giving up your life for your enemies right? You can choose to, and you most probably will (I most probably would), but you would consider a lot factors more for them than your friends. Tell me to give up my life for anyone elses and I would do it without a thought (except the enemies). That's how little I value my own life. I'm not saying there's no point in living. There's much to live for and experience. However, its just if my life is cut short, then I'd accept it with a so-be-it attitude. Improper? Maybe... make no mistake, I value my life, just not much.
We all know one person is able tot make a difference in the lives of millions. Philantropists like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet donate billions to charity every year. Their money helps make this world a better place. Most people would like to make a dfference in the world too, and stand out unique, for whatever their desire. I would like that too. Church is focusing on that in recent years as well, the difference one man can make. If Bill Gates or Warren Buffet were to suddenly die, it would place a lot of tension for the people who need their charity to survive. For me, if I were making a difference to millions of people and I suddenly died, I would also be "oh well". Sure, I'd be concerned for the people who need me, and they add more value to my life. It's just once it happens, it happens. No amount of crying, whining or thrashing would make a difference in what's happened. I just accept it as it is. If I can change it, fine. But if there's nothing I can do, then to hell with it. Like take for example, a toilet bowl from an exploded space shuttle comes back down to earth and hits me on the head, killing me. I would be a little annoyed that I had to die in such an embarassing way, but since its happened, and I could have done nothing about it (maybe step aside a little would have helped...) then I'd accept it, so be it. If I were to live a long anf fruitful life and die, I'd also so be it. So many things are not in our control, but its often said that 90% of our reaction determines what happens later on. My reaction? Whoops, I died.
I have no intention of dying so early. There's a lot I haven't done, as much as I've been through when it comes to emotional turmoil. I still want to work and earn my own money in the industry. I still want to go to church every week (although I admit, dying would make it a lot easier to seek God... kidding), I want to go out and enjoy life for working adults. And wouldn't it suck to die as a virgin? =x. Alright, there's a lot to life I want to go through. And luckily for me, being saved has given me the second chance to finally live life properly. If God decides to cut it short though... you'll know what went through my head as my life slips away... "Oh well".