Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Friday, January 30, 2009
The last few days I've been updating my songlist with plenty of metal songs. Black metal, death metal, gothic metal, nu metal, you name it. A bit of mainstream songs here and there but I realized that I hadn't updated my metal songs in a long, long time, excluding Slipknot's All Hope Is Gone. So I searched Wikipedia about the metal bands I knew and checked to see which were the more popular songs and downloaded them. Now I can say I've updated quite a bit plus knowing a few more metal bands. I also found out that there's going to be a book, The Gospel of Filth, about black metal and Luciferianism and plenty about the occult, which is coming out soon, and I'm itching to buy it.
Its being co-written by Dani Filth, founder of the band Cradle of Filth. It's also being contributed by Christopher Lee.
Due to the recent flood of metal in my life, I was going to make a casual post talking about it, which I'm kinda doing now. But here's the thing that was very, very (I hope) coincidental. This is my 666th post. I crap you not. Since this is my 666th post, and metal is linked with Satan on so many levels, I thought I'd make a more serious post about my Christian beliefs and my (un)healthy obssession with black metal and Satanism and darkness.
First up. I'm a Christian. Anyone who's known me for long enough should know that my Saturdays are off limits because I go to church. No one said anything about Saturday nights though! Kidding. Alright, maybe not kidding. Generally though. Quite a few intelligent people can roughly guess I'm a Christian within the first few minutes of meeting me, and I find that really interesting, because I'm one of the last people on earth most people would think to be a Christian. I'm still perplexed by how they find out because I don't usually wear my normal cross.
My normal cross. I call it my "Holy Cross".
The "cross" that I usually wear. I call it my "Satanic Cross" even though its not a cross per se.
Most people who see my satanic cross would likely assume I'm Gothic, a Satanist or Luciferian, or perhaps an atheist, but never a Christian. I don't blame them. Due to me being labeled everywhere I go, I can safely say I don't label people, nor judge them. Now I do have opinions, and I do have jokes, but there's a fine line between them, although sometimes that line is blurred when other people interpret it. I've been in church for 7 years. Come November this year, it'll be 8. Sure, length of years is nothing to brag about about specifically, but if you're a healthy Christian with a decent spiritual life, then its quite good. My maturity has increased a lot and it's made my view on life better. However, before I was a Christian, I was already very into darkness stuff. Before that, my favourite colours were blue, from a kid to toddler, and then green when the Green Ranger came out. Yeah, keep laughing. Once I entered my teen years, hormones changed and my tastes shifted accordingly. I liked black, I started delving into heavy metal and it's stuck with me all my life.
When you give your life to Christ, you are reborn and saved immediately, but the changes and lifestyles will take a lifetime to change. Also, if we were to all become the same kind of person if we were Christians, it'd make for one hell of a dull world. We can all be different in our own ways and still be Christ-like. People tend to bring a part of their former selves before Christ and have that old man transformed into a new man. That old part of themselves sometimes give us problems, but its often used for the glory of God. Take Paul. He was a pro-Christian killer, killing all the new Christians and everything. When he finally converted, he took this ferocity in his debating and missionary trips for good.
What has my love for all things dark given me? For one thing, it's made me very good as an observer. Being a victim of much scrutiny for the way I dress and look, it's given me a very good ability to generally guess what a person is like. Of course, its not perfect, but I'm pleased to say that in nearly every case, I'm more or less accurate. Also, being the ultimate (okay, not ultimate, but you get the drift) example of what Christians don't normally look like, when people do find out I'm a Christian, it brings a lot of discussion, and I've never had a dull conversation resulting from this topic.
I started my liking for heavy metal quite some time back. I was watching WWE, and I supported Kane, my favourite wrestler. He wore a mask too. So I got interested and checked his information online. In many of the websites, they stated his favourite band was Slipknot, now too, one of my favourite bands. I used Limewire and downloaded a few Slipknot songs. I never really liked any genre of metal last time because like most of the general public, I assumed it was all screaming and shouting with heavy guitar riffs. However, personally listening to the songs, I began to like Slipknot, and ventured out into more heavy metal genres. Namely, black, death and gothic metal. I read about them, and this got me into buying many books about ghosts, spirits, magic and occult. Pretty matching, no?
Speaking of ghosts, spirits and all. I've long had a fascination with dark arts and the demonic world. There is a difference between interest and actually doing it. As a Christian, I won't dabble in this, but I'm very interested by how people use it, and how other people view it, either with doubt or belief. Being attacked by spirits a few times, I can't ignore them too, and I've read a lot of material about them, from all sources and religions. This world of darkness is tempting to enter, no doubt about that. Imagine using magic to get whatever you want. Imagine all the pleasure and money you get could from spiritually manipulating others. But at what cost? Also, in the dark arts, there is a heavy emphasis on self. It's very fitting in this fallen world today. Sure, people make more money than before, and the standard of living is much higher. Yet corruption is everywhere, and more than half the world is in poverty. Attitudes and mindsets are also generally agreed universally to have dropped. Focus on yourself. No wonder its tempting. I though, have a deep interest and fascination, but not to the extent of trying it out. Researching about these arts, and true cases of posessions, deaths through spiritual means and all helps improve my knowledge. Its very amusing and satisfying to see how people react to it. To see how its done. To see how it influences the masses. And in a few cases, to see how it makes human beings turn into murderers and rapists. I love studying about it.
I also felt very empty when I dressed up in shirts and jeans, so that's what led me to buying all the chains and everything I wear. When I don't wear them, I feel really empty. It's not like a sense of security or what. I just feel more complete when I wear them. I don't overload though, 'cause that would just look retarded. As I got more and more into the world of heavy metal and all this dark stuff, I can't say it had no influence on me at all. It probably did. Sex, drugs, rock and roll and all I was interested are so intertwined. Everyone is interested in sex, its a part of being human. Sure, there are abominations such as rape and such, but excluding those, its something that'll surely get anyone's attention. I'm sure everyone's thought of drugs at least once in their lifetime? Maybe even just a passing thought. And living in the high life entails all this. I'm pretty sure it had an effect on me, albeit little. Sure, I choose to abstain for now. But there is a fear I'll lose control one lonely night. And who knows if I accidentally dabble in drugs? I can be so assured now. Whether I follow through or not in that exact moment is a totally different case.
Satan, devil worshipping and large mosh pits and orgies also seem to be totally in tandem with heavy metal. I've got something to say in defence of that though. The music I mean. If you really bother listening to the lyrics, you'll often find very meaningful or thought-provoking issues. Sure, plenty attack God and Jesus. There's a band called Goatsemen that is VERY antichrist in their imaging. I don't like their songs though. Take another example, Slayer. It's been accused of so many things. Satan Laughs As You Eternally Rot. Look at the capitals and put them together. How about AC/DC? After Christ, Devil Comes. It's ridiculous. They may be anti-God in their lyrics, maybe more than the ordinary person, but I have never met anyone who didn't blame God for their problems at least once. People complain to God, beat Him on the chest and cry out so many times. Even people who don't believe in Him blame Him for things in passing very often. Anyway, listening to their music also gives me a feeling of release of my rants and such. I wouldn't necessarily dedicate my patience to heavy metal, but I'd say there's a factor in there somewhere. It's like the music helps me release my rants. Worship music may soothe me, but it doesn't "release" my rants. There are some songs I totally dislike though, from the metal genres. Sure, some are anti-God, but some neutral ones also just suck.
People are very, very curious to see a devout Christian enjoy black metal and all. They can't imagine how a supposedly holy life is surrounded by unholy music. Just because the music may be corrupted doesn't mean I'm corrupted in the process. Some influence maybe? Perhaps. But I've come to accept that it has no outright control over my life. Unfortunately many Christians don't think that. I know a website that had links showing how rock songs and all originated with Satanic intentions, and that churches, by using rock music, are therefore spreading the devil's influence. I mean, sure it sounds ridiculous, but you'd be surprised by how many people, even non-Christians, believe that. Heck, hymns and psalms didn't originate with the church either, so are we spreading the influence of the gods of the people who started hymns? No, yet there is a biasness against rock and metal.
I've come to the point where I practically know that most people are very narrow minded in this sense. Metal belongs with Satan. Hymns belong in church. Chants belong in temples. Sure, I'm more open minded as I know this is not true, and for good reason too. Yet I'm in general disagreement with most people, as they just accept this "segregating" without real thought. I also find it amusing, because whenever people ask more about how a Christian can actually like this kind of music, they are genuinely interested, and it gives me satisfaction explaining my rationale. It's interesting to see peoples reactions, honestly. Sure, it may sadden me a bit that so many people are so narrow minded, but it does keep things interesting. I am a contradiction to them. Except for my tattoo (which has a dragon on it too) and my holy cross, there's nothing to define me as a Christian outwardly. I'm like the nail that sticks out, and many, many times, gets hammered down, although not fully.
I'm quite pleased though, with the City Harvest family. In CHC SG and CHCKL, sure, there were curious people who attempted to reconcile godliness with unholiness in my case, but they accepted me for who I was, something many Christians I know have a hard time doing, sometimes, even from my own church. I read a lot, you'd be shocked by the amount of books and materials I read. I am notoriously updated in world affairs thanks to the internet and I have an interest in designing. In a sense, I'm using both sides of my brains, the logical and creative side. Most people only generally use one side, although that seems to be changing now. But not fast enough. Regardless, it keeps my life interesting. I'd hate life to be a bore, and although sometimes I'd rather not go through things, when they're over, I learn something from it, and it's something I look back as something I regard as interesting.
My friend once made a blog post about me, saying that something interesting always happens to me. I have to admit its true. I meet a lot of people, many who are perplexed by my very salient non-Christian looks, yet totally different character. Even my leaders in church have noticed. I've had 5 sermons written with me as the main point of reference. 4 of the times, I was told I was the main "inspiration" if thats the correct word. In the remaining sermon, I knew it was about me, even though I wasn't there to attend it. Long story that's been settled. Anyway, everywhere I go I'm often very easily recognizable, due to my hair and chains, plus the fact I always wear black. I am easily seen, but I daresay not easily understandable. Sure, no one is easy to understand. But generally we know each other and our personalities and traits. For me, I'm lucky (or unlucky, depending on your view) because most people can never guess what I'm thinking. It's easier for them to know what I am like, but often their assumptions about me later on prove that they were just lucky a few times.
It's funny sometimes. When people I'm around with often think of coke, spikes and black, Gothic and such, they often tell me I'm what came into their mind. Also I use a variety of creative language and words and its near certain that people will sometimes use "my lines" some time. That makes me feel good, of course. But there's the other side of the coin, where when they think of not being true to the faith, unaccountable and worldly, I also come into mind more often than I'd like. Now no one's ever told me this directly, but sometimes its right in your face and you can't be wrong. Perhaps there are a few occasions I assumed, but I can safely say it's downright obvious most of the time.
I am a contradiction to most people. Yet I live a Christian life whilst listening to some of the most un-Christian music daily. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it. I make mistakes all the time and I try to sin less, but sometimes I still do. I do things I think are not noteworthy but it seems that many times it is, compared to many other people. It makes me feel good, and perhaps I should be proud. But its nothing to brag about. I try to live my life the best I can, in church and in the world. Like I said before, I'm extremely well balanced in both sides, which makes things difficult sometimes. Too holy for the world, too worldly for church.
I'm the person who listens to black metal everyday. I'm the person who wears a Satanic cross. I'm the person who wears black everyday. I'm the person who loves darkness.