Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I just came back a while ago from church. It was an awesome, awesome service. Fellowship was especially good too, more so than usual.
Today's sermon topic was Now That We Have Grown. A new series by Pastor Kevin, its about what we should do and what's expected of us as we grow spiritually and in numbers. It focused a lot on real issues that our church faces. As we grow in size, it will be less convenient for everyone as a whole. New services would be made, and people would need to change their schedules. Parking spaces will be harder to find. People will need to park further as the spaces are packed. Lining up will take longer. Its hot as they wait. So much real issues.
But Pastor Kevin talked about how we should be flexible in our growth. We need to be more open minded and flexible when things become inconvenient for us. A willingness to give up our personal agendas so that we can do what is expected of us. Pastor Kevin was honest though, and didn't mince his words. When we get older, it gets harder for us to be flexible (in the natural, and in the spiritual sense).
In growth, he also wanted us to have a greater capacity for giving. He said we were very generous already, but that in time to come, as we grow larger as a church and impact our society more, we'd need to be ready to give more to make people's lives better. He mentioned that during the blood donation, the blood bank actually didn't think the church would have such an overwhelming response and that they brought very few blood packets. After the success, the blood bank asked if they could come again every 3 months, because they knew they could rely on us. As our congregation gets larger, so does our capacity to do even more. He wanted us to be an example of a significant part of society that people will think of immediately when it came to serving the country and reliability.
Speaking of giving, a girl called Evonne Fong gave a testimony of her life, where after years of ballet and ice skating, she had a rare genetic disorder that caused many problems. Robbing her of hearing, muscul0-skeletal systems and now her eyesight, her testimony was given to inspire us to donate to her operation. She's around RM45 000 short, and she didn't just ask around like people normally do. She actually sold caps, shirts and the like to raise money for her operations. Our offering for her was an extra initiative by Pastor Kevin. And you know how she was saved? A friend passed her a copy of Harvest Times. And the rest is history. I was a bit worried at first 'cause I was hungry and wanted to eat a filling dinner. But once she gave her testimony and I was reminded of Friday (I'll explain later), I said "Screw dinner" and gave my best.
The fellowship with the cellgroup after service was great too. We chatted about so many topics, ranging from hamsters, to fishing, dramas, ministry. It's been a while since there's been such a deep fellowship of this quality, and I enjoyed it very much. After eating we talked for an hour an a half, and we stood up to go off but ended up chatting even more. After walking to the cars, we still stopped and chatted. It's like our fellowship was never ending! And it probably would have dragged on much longer, if it weren't for the fact we needed to pick up Issey from Sunway Pyramid. Sorry for making you wait so long!
Anyway, about Friday, it sucked, terribly. Ironic eh? Read on...
Friday morning I needed to wake up early so that my group could settle the drama scripts. It's a nuisance waking up so early. In the LRT the guy standing beside me also stunk really bad, and there was no space to move. Later on 2 really fat Indian aunties came on board and one of them lost their balance. And pity me, I was directly beside her. She fell on me and because the train had begun moving, kept pushing me extremely hard. It didn't help that she was so freaking heavy also. Her friend tried to help her but fell also. So I had 2 huge ladies fall on me. What the HELL! They didn't even say sorry or anything! Not a word! As if my morning couldn't be spoiled any worse, on the bus, I picked the wrong side of the bus to sit on. You know how there's this alarm or ring sound when someone presses the stop button on the bus? Well, in the buses I take, it's actually a small speaker-like thing. And it's freaking loud. I happened to be sitting rite below it. It was so disturbing. Then I also sat on the sunny side of the bus, and it was boiling. Geez.
School wasn't much better either. Lack of sleep and food had made me hungry and a little irritable. I fell asleep in digital design class for the first time, and later on I went to to take a bus back home. It costs RM2, and they give you a ticket stating its RM2. However, even though I paid RM2, they gave me an RM1 ticket, and the guy checking the tickets said there was a problem. The guy checking the tickets knows me, and sees me almost everyday going from Puduraya to Sunway Pyramid and back. He told me that the ticket guy said he only received RM1 from me, which wasn't true. I know I paid RM2, 'cause I've been doing it since the start of the year. The ticket guy said he'd been working and doing the ticket thing for 16 years and that he's never messed up. So what? Can't I be your first mistake? Are you a perfect ticket distributor? If so, why the hell have you been stuck doing it for 16 years? He told me that if I wanted to stay on the bus till Puduraya I'd need to pay another RM1. Small amount sure, but I felt no reason to pay for something I already paid for. I explained to the ticket checking guy that he'd seen me so many times, and that I'd have no reason to get off halfway at all. He knew this was true but probably didn't want to have conflicts with the ticket guy.
As if that wasn't bad enough, it rained in Puduraya area. Also on the LRT going back I tried calling my mom to pick me up, and realized that my phone hadn't been topped up, even though it was promised days ago. It pissed me off, not a lot, but it did add to the day's sucky events already. As a result I had to call at the station itself and call my mom, wasting more money and time.
But you know what? Throughout the last 2 days, I've been extremely generous because I'm angry. No kidding. I've realized that the best way to deal with anger is to help other in need. Really. I've realized that helps. The first time I realized was back in the bridge between Malaysia and Singapore. I was very pissed off for a number of reasons, and because of a lack of money I had to walk across the causeway. It rained too, a thunderstorm. While walking across, I saw a man pulling a set of packages on some kinda stroller thing. Normally most people would just walk past. For me though, I felt the Spirit lead me and approach him to offer my help. While I was still so amazingly pissed, I walked over and asked if I could help him drag his entire packages. He thanked me and agreed. I walked across the causeway, dragging the huge and heavy packages, all because God told me to. After separating at the checkpoint, I felt much better.
That was just the start. There'd be a few incidents where I was just so pissed but I felt a calling to help someone in need. Everytime I'd end up feeling better. On Friday some guy asked me for some money. I gave it to him. Beggars asked and begged for money. I gave to them without a wink. Some lady was standing up on the bus, I gave the seat to her. All because I was so pissed off at the day's events. I am extremely generous when I'm pissed. And it helps. Try it out if you don't believe me. Sure, its freaking weird, doing good when you're pissed. But you will feel better, helping a stranger... and you probably won't be venting your anger on that person too, so while you are angry... it gets released through your good deeds.
Admittedly, I'm not generous and help every single time I'm angry. But pretty often. And I only do it when I'm alone. Not with others. I don't want to explain to them. Their presence would also not help with the helping-strangers-without-anyone-knowing ideal. I don't like doing all that goodie stuff in front of people too. I'd rather just help and keep it between God and I. Other people don't need to know.
I wasn't pissed on Saturday. But considering my whole round of generosity on Friday, I thought I might as well continue on Saturday. That's how I "screwed dinner". Turns out I had enough for a small meal at least. Perfect.
I'm quite upset now though. Just found out something and well... to quote a friend of mine "mi corazón está sangrando". It's in Spanish. I just tore off a piece of skin off my chest, and its bleeding heavily now. It's directly in front of my heart too. Ouch.
Oh. And one more thing. To a certain someone. Eh, don't bother keeping your promises already. I know you'll never take an initiative to fulfill them either. Even the small little things you say you'd do never are done. I'm just tired of it. Just wait... when I come down, rest assured I'll be proven correct.