Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
My Thursday was a terrible day. Cellgroup meeting at night was the only saving grace from making this perhaps the worst day of 2009 so far. First, I had moral class. Apart from the normal ethics and worksheets, again I had to sit through hours of crap coming from the lecturer. Nothing as retarded as last week, but still enough to annoy me. She repeated the cow-mother thing though. Zzz.
I was waiting in A2 for Ivan, when I was called down to Face to Face Noodles so that we could discuss. I didn't want to be there because of Hwee Hian, the no opinion guy. But since it was discussion, I thought it would be important, so I went down. In the end? Nothing whatsoever. It was all just food and drink. Geez.
Okay, after a very confusing arrangement of who would be in who's car, I eventually ended up in Meng Shen's car with Ryan and Wai Kwan. While waiting in the car, whose aircon I could barely feel, the topic of me blasting Hwee Hian in the new student lounge cropped up. I was suggested to apologize to him. Honestly, for what? I thought I'd make a blog post here to say out everything.
Okay, first of all, I don't hate the guy. Dislike? Okay. Have no respect? Definitely. Hate? No, not at all. I'm told to apologize to this guy because I offended him. Wow, big deal, as if offences aren't circulating every second we speak. He offended me first. Now I blasted him because I was pissed off, and I wasn't happy with his no opinion attitude, and also because I didn't think he was in the room. Did I backstab and badmouth him? I don't think so. I wasn't gossiping behind his back. I said it loud and clear I don't respect him, and when asked why, I gave the story, and the reasons. Was I making cheapshots at him? No, I just basically repeated what I said from the start: I have no respect from him whatsoever.
Then I was told that I shouldn't have made it so loud and public. Okay, this I can accept as proper criticism. The problem is, the new student lounge is really small, and it was quite quiet, apart from me bombarding the guy. People would have heard it if I had spoken at normal voice levels. I did raise my voice, and at times raise it even higher for things that pissed me off more. Unacceptable? Okay, I can deal with that. My fault then, no questions asked. I apologize.
After, I was told that he never did anything to me. He just really clings on to Edmond. At this I brought up my own analogy. Let's take the porn addict Adib, the guy who's obsessed with trying to hit on pretty and cute girls, and is a pervert when it comes to asking about people's sisters. Yeah, the one and only. One time when he was online, and most likely on the class server, I said outloud he was a porn addict, a pervert, and many other things he was. I was bloody vocal and I didn't hide it at all. I have not backbitten Adib one bit. Everything I hate about him (and yes, I use the word hate here) I said it outloud for everyone to know. They all know I hate him and his disgusting "fetishes". I've not hidden it from him. He knows I don't like him. Back to the car argument. You say he's done something offensive, by asking about your sister. That's why you can accept my public criticism of him, but not Hwee Hian, because he never did something to me. On the contrary. If someone were to say "I don't like Buddhists", I would be offended. I'm no Buddhist, but to have someone so narrow minded pisses me off. Well, the guy never said anything about Christians. He never said anything about Chinese. Just 'cause in terms of religion I don't agree with Buddhism, doesn't mean I dislike Buddhists. Same goes for racism. If someone said they don't like Africans, I would also get pissed off, and I would be extremely offended, even though the guy did and said nothing to offend me. Same here. This moron's got no opinion, and I am offended, because if you're clingy, I can accept that. If you're shy and quiet, I can accept that. But I asked for what YOU want, to choose. Not your drawing god, not your classmates. I asked you what you wanted to do for the moral class assignment. And you couldn't even tell me. "Whatever Edmond chooses, I choose also". I mean seriously! It's not like I'm asking you to decide on some very important matter where you've got no experience or knowledge. In effect, I was asking one simple thing "Which charity organization do you want to help?" And for that, you could give no answer.
And please don't claim racism is wrong, or religious intolerance is wrong. But having no opinions isn't. Excuse me, that's double standards. Racism is narrow-minded. Race is usually defined by colour, which is determined by melanin, a skin pigment. People have the right to choose their religions, and being intolerant of that is narrow-minded. Having no opinions? That's quite narrow-minded. If I'd want to be harsh I'd say that's not even narrow-minded, because he has no mind of his own to begin with. People can tolerate racism and religious intolerance (Malaysian government is a good example), and to say its wrong is very subjective, even if I myself believe its wrong. The same can be said for having no opinion. I am offended, even if you may tolerate it. My analogies can't be said wrong, because its true, and reality and the people around us prove it. If you accept my analogies, then you must accept too, that I can be offended by him having no opinion. Do you think its stupid? Okay, I can accept that. Of course, it'd make you narrow-minded too, but this is not the place to discuss your retardness.
Must I defend my stance every single time? In the car, arguing, eventually, they got sick of trying to persuade me my stance was wrong, and said if I didn't want to apologize, I didn't have to. Read my post above, please, and if you really think I'm still wrong, please show me how. You might call my stance narrow-minded, and I'm fine with that, 'cause everyone has different standards of what's liberal and conservative. But you must have reasons why. Just "feeling" its wrong of me to be offended, isn't gonna help. I could "feel" that you just don't get it, and by your standards, you cannot challenge the validity of my "feelings". Hitler "felt" that killing Jews was good. According to your thinking, you cannot challenge that Hitler is wrong too. You must have reasons, and good ones at that. Like I said, I didn't say the guy sucks. I just said I don't respect him, and I gave plenty of reasons why I don't. And I've refuted every single "problem" raised against my thinking. Therefore, not only "feeling" but knowing that I am offended 'cause the guy's got no opinions, I can see nothing wrong.
I also heard that Hwee Hian told one guy in the car he didn't like me. Of course, who would like a guy who just blasted you for having no opinions, and saying he doesn't respect you? While telling me this, he later on said "and blah blah"... which meant more. When I asked, he said "Nothing" Blah blah is not nothing. I wanted to know what else he said, and even though I asked again, I wasn't given an answer. I was actually gonna get out of the car and walk off, seeing no reason in continuing the questions and also not wanting to attend a briefing with a guy that has no opinions. The only thing was, my bag was in his trunk, and I couldn't walk off without it. Zzz.
Will it make things better if I apologize? Possibly. Will it be easier to settle our group assignments if we settle the issue? I think so. But if you want me to apologize when I can see no wrong in my offences because of him, then I'll need a damn good reason to apologize. Being loud in the student lounge doesn't count. We can settle the issue another way, but I am not apologizing, 'cause I did no wrong.
And I doubt we can even settle it. Him forever having no opinions will forever offend me, and I don't compromise on my values and opinions. And even if he did somehow want to settle it, he would never be able to. He's got no opinions remember? He'll not be able to decide for himself how to settle it. Now was that mean and a cheapshot? Yes, it was. But its not what caused this whole incident.