Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I hate being pressured.
Each time it happens, seriously. I get really annoyed when I'm told to do things a certain way, when I know that way isn't the best way, or isn't the way I'll do it.
Eh, you can click here to see a post I typed once about something similar.
Like I said, I get totally turned off when people want me to be something I'm not, or pressure me to do something in that way. I just stop responding properly, 'cause it's just a bloody nuisance to keep listening, to the same old lines, the same old things I hear all the time, said again and again. Yes, I know where you're coming from and what it means, but must there really be a reminder of the same lines over and over? I mean geez! Sometimes I hear it so often it starts to lose its meaning. It's not very inspiring too, especially put together with the rest of the context.
I know what I'm doing, and I don't need reminders. I've had plenty of experience, and trust me, 7 years is quite a long time for experience. Do I learn from my mistakes? Of course, I've made a hell lot in the past. But I also see what works, and what doesn't, and if I were in their shoes, how I would react. I've gone through every stage in the cellgroup, save leadership, 'cause I've said countless times, I hate being in leadership positions.
And even if your way was effective, it would be effective for you. Not me. Might it be? Well, based on experience, it rarely works. I've got my own way, and that's how I am. I will do something to improve, should it be in line with the way I am, or the way I do things. Of course, I'm not perfect, and the way I do things aren't the best of the best. And I will continue to learn int he future regardless. However, it's worked for me most of the time, and I've done it countless times. Also, as a guy, I know how guys react to other guys, and to what things. How girls interact with guys is different. If I did that, it'd be really gay of me, and it will get a negative response from them. I know what I'm doing. I've been doing it for many, many years. And I'm a guy, I know how guys perceive things. Also, telling me again and again to do something in the way you suggested, isn't that making me do things the way you want it to be done? I'm doing it. I will do it in my own way, in my own pace. Pressure me to do it faster, or in a manner that's not mine, in a way I'm not comfortable with and you will see an outcome that neither of us wants.
I'm no evangelist, definitely. In all my cellgroups in the past, I've never been a consistent person who brings friends. But I am excellent (if I do say so myself) in making friends with them, and integrating them into church. Do I succeed 100%? Of course not, but even if they do leave church, there's still a decent friendship there. At least. I know what to do, but being chided into doing something I know won't work, isn't the time yet, or not in the manner I do it is just plain annoying. I never like to insult people in front of their faces. Teasing, sure, but outright insults, are very rare. Arguments and conflicts aside, of course.
I hear tons of crap from people, to an extent I don't know what the hell their intelligence level is like. If they tell me some fact I know without a doubt is fake, I won't correct them. 'Cause if I corrected every single error I heard, I'd seriously be annoying to them, I'm sure. I mean, don't you find it annoying when you're constantly corrected, or hearing someone correct everything? I don't want to end up like that. If it's something I think I should speak up for, then I will, but if not, I'll just agree, nodding and such, although in my mind I'll place a mental note that you have no idea what you're talking about, and in the future I'll be careful to listen to what crap spouts from you. And although I won't judge a person by it, I will unconsciously think of them as less intelligent. Sorry, I don't mean any offence through that. I'm just being honest about how my head works.
I really appreciate all suggestions, seriously. But I get annoyed if it's being pushed and pressured onto me, and especially if I know it doesn't work. It might not be seen as pressuring to you, but it is to me. And if I were to tell you how, you might be inclined to see things from my point of view. However, I will not. 'Cause you most likely won't see it from my point of view anyway. And even if you did, you'd probably not understand why it annoyed me. Tell me once, or maybe twice if I forget. Tell me again and again, successively, for no damn reason, and I get pissed.
Sure, your intentions are good. But so many evils in this world done for good intentions as well.