Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Monday, January 4, 2010
Recently I got offended by a church member.
He told me about a friend who happened to bump into a cellgroup member and they spent the day together. Let's call the friend A, and the cellgroup member K. And the one who offended me? He's the one I'm "talking" to here.
You said that K was unwise to to go out with A for the whole day, even though it was impromptu, and even said that that lowered her value as a girl. I mean, what the hell? Is a girl's value determined by going out with guys? Must she be exclusive to certain people to hold a value? Geez, seriously. Where'd you come up with that? All that comes from conservative narrow-minded Asian mentalities. You even had the gall to say that in City Harvest culture, girls and guy's don't go out one on one. HA, City Harvest culture? How come I don't know that? I've been a Christian and in City Harvest for 8 years now (my anniversary just passed), and never once have I heard of City Harvest culture as encompassing that. You've only been in CHC for 2 years, and you say that? Heck. I mean what's wrong with a girl going out with a guy one on one? You said that people might give and/or receive the wrong signals, and maybe get wrong impressions. That can happen anywhere, not just going out. I casually went out with Cindy a while back, no one said anything. I went out with kai Yih, no one said anything. I don't hide all these things, I'm totally transparent in my life. I don't brag and tell everyone, but I don't hide the fact that I went out with them. And I've got people who know, and witnesses too. And you've got the gall to say it's City Harvest culture? You don't know what the hell you're talking about. And if you want the same context, in Pyramid I bumped into Shevyn and we ended up walking around together and had dinner. And she's got a boyfriend. Why is no one condemning me for that? Her boyfriend's a cellgroup leader, and I think she would definitely know if that was so called City Harvest culture.
Don't make it even more narrow minded by saying I'm a Christian and been in church for many years, so I'm more trustworthy. That's just so untrue. I can be as easily tempted as anybody else. I'm still human. Hey, I go clubbing regularly, I dance with girls, sometimes kiss them in clubs and till now I still continue to get contacts from strangers (vast majority are girls who get my attention) and make new friends like that. Why don't you call me untrustworthy? Or flirty? If you're to properly judge me with the same criteria as A, then I think I should be more of a danger to the cellgroup sisters. I club, drink (A LOT), grind, kiss. My friend A does that as well. Don't use religion as another criteria. I know plenty of immoral Christians and brilliant atheists. And you can dare say he's inappropriate for having an impromptu outing with her? What about you? You call K at like past midnight and chat for hours sometimes, till she hangs up. What about your message of wrong impressions and signals? Are you not a hypocrite then? What gives you the right to say its appropriate for you and not him? Granted, you know K longer, but I trust A very deeply, and I know him way more than any one in the cellgroup. I can vouch that he knows his limits very well. Plus, the time spent knowing someone doesn't give you the right to say its appropriate. Who said quantity was quality?
You made it even worse by saying that during the cellgroup Christmas party he accompanied her down to buy the plastic cups. What's wrong with that? Should she go alone? Get another more "oh-so-trustworthy" brother? No one objected, and he offered to go with her. Tell me, is chivalry THAT dead for you? And you get paranoid by saying that he went down to throw the garbage with her. Hey, for your information, he began picking up the entire cellgroup's garbage alone, and nobody helped but me, and that's because I saw him do it. Even I didn't take initiative to collect the trash. NO ONE, not a SINGLE person aside from me and K bothered to help out A. What happened to the oh-so-worthy Christian brothers? He took initiative. His first time coming for cellgroup and he made the effort with no one telling him, to collect all the garbage and throw it. Of course K would go down with him 'cause she knows the way. And you can still say he's someone to be careful of? In the relatively short time I've gotten to know A, I've been pleasantly surprised when it comes down to true character, as its not what you'd expect from his exterior.
Also, before you mentioned all the stuff, you asked "Are you a core member?" I said yeah, but in my head I was thinking, does it matter? So what if I'm a core member (CHCKL's equivalent to CHC SG's helper, or connect group leader), it's just a title. What happened to mature Christians who don't have a title? What if I wasn't core? Then you wouldn't tell me? What if I don't want to be a leader, or core? Then what? I can't be trusted anymore? What if I was the most trustworthy person in the entire world but had no title? Then what? You wouldn't tell me? Just 'cause the vast majority of core members are mature, it doesn't mean all are. Look at the helpers in N337 when I was still there. James, Cedric, Paulina, Pei Jing. All have left church. James came back. But look at the rest. All totally gone. Not living lives they're particularly proud of. No details here. Leaders don't always make the right calls in raising up helpers you know. And you don't need a freaking helper or core member title just to be trusted. That's exactly the kind of narrow-mindedness that repels me from leadership all the more so.
In the future, if I have a wife, and you tell me my wife is someone to be careful about, I can say confidently that I would know better than you. Of course, A isn't my wife, but he's a very good friend with true character, and I can confidently say that I do know better. My impression of him changed as I got to know his true character, and so I trust him, and you have nothing whatsoever to counter that.
You're a very generous guy. Superbly. Your capacity in giving is ultimate and second to none in the cellgroup. However, your mentality is very conservative, narrow minded and you assume way too much; you talk without thinking and confirming the truth. I'm not mentioning the fact of the times you've lied to me too. Don't say you haven't, 'cause I know the truth in things you don't even wish I knew. And you're going to be a leader in the future.
People like you are the reason why I don't wanna be a leader in church, and anywhere else.