Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
So, part two right?
Are you eagerly anticipating what happened next or just so bored that you've got nothing to do but read about my sappy love story? Er... make me feel better by telling me its the former =p.
So... I moved to Kuala Lumpur, which severely put a damper on a chance of getting together with Khar Loo. Everything had gone so perfect, and I'm pretty sure we liked each other. You might say I purely assumed she liked me too, but if you read our chats and the letter she wrote, you'd say otherwise. I'm that confident. Yeah. And I'm reading some of our chat logs now. Pretty damn certain I think -.-. So anyway, although I was confident of getting her when I was still in Singapore, I didn't think it was a good idea to start a relationship overseas. Starting one in Singapore, and later moving would be fine, but not starting a relationship as a long distance one. Heck, I've never heard of that before. And even then, if we had gotten together in Singapore, I'd still have moved only a while later, putting the relationship at peril. So although every aspect of chasing and attracting her was done perfectly and honestly, I guess starting a relationship was doomed perfectly in all ways too =/. Ouch.
Regardless, during the first few months of me staying in KL, we still had very good MSN chats. We'd chat for hours on end, and our topics seemed endless. After service every week I would go online expectant of another great time chatting with her, and every week she never disappointed. She even decided to get an internet package for her weekday home, which meant we could chat during the weekdays too. It was as though I never left, except for the fact we didn't see each other in person. And even though we chatted almost daily, it was still a good and fresh conversation everytime. Once in a while there'd be a short chat 'cause of my assignments (damn you TOA! Lol) but it'd always go back to our normal "quota". I helped her find certain tracks she needed and even helped her write her university appeal letter.
University. She ended up in NTU. And that was kinda when things started going downhill, ever creepingly slowly.
Then I finally visited Singapore again for the first time since I moved. She was the first person I wanted to meet up, excluding my dad and my cellgroup. So I arranged to meet up with her at City Hall, and walking together to Riverwalk again, where I'd surprise my cellgroup there. It wasn't quite what I expected. Apparently she'd messaged me saying she couldn't make it, but I never got the message. So when I called her she didn't expect me to be waiting. She came over to City Hall anyway, but was tagged along with Michelle Lee. Great. So much for a second romantic stroll. We walked to Riverwalk, and although we had a good time on the way, having an extra person there wasn't what I wanted -.-. However, she did really like the gift and letter I gave her. Yeah, I wrote a letter. Stop laughing -.-. That's the last letter I've ever written for a girl.
Anyway, like I said, 'cause of my assignments, there were times I couldn't chat that long, and due to her reports, there were times she couldn't chat that much either. It'd be like cut short from either side at different times. But we still had more good chats than cut-short ones. Then slowly more and more, she said that she couldn't chat because she was rushing her work, and I understood. I had never been that blunt, but there'd been times I was really busy too. And the thing was that usually both of us would start conversations with each other, but slowly it became more of me starting conversations and less of her. Our conversations weren't as fresh as before, and more and more, the talks weren't that interesting either. Instead of daily chats, it became one every few days, or even a week instead. It wasn't a lack of topics. Our topics were endless. We could chat for hours about anything. I honestly think it was the lack of effort of maintaining the communication.
On my second visit to Singapore after moving to KL, I arranged to go out with Khar Loo. Guess what? She brought Michelle Lee again! Oh man -.-. The entire day was awkward. We had a hard time making any good conversation and we didn't know what to do after eating so it was very walk-around-and-see-what-you-can-do kinda thing. It was a fun time at the arcade, and there were a few good topics, but for the most part, it wasn't fun at all. After that, I accompanied Khar Loo back home. It was more pleasant than the earlier hours, but there was something different in the atmosphere also.
I went back to KL a few days later and checked her blog. She happened to blog about that day. But she blogged about the early part of the day she spent with Michelle Lee. Once it came to the point where we met up, she suddenly cut it and ended the blog post. I was like what the? Our chats in MSN were not as stagnant, but it definitely wasn't what it was before. Then last year during Valentine's I casually asked her if she had any special guy that day. And she told me that she had gotten together with Clarence, a guy in her cellgroup. That really felt like a slap in the face. And it gave me a revelation of why our conversations were dying down. Thanks to him. Ah...
One MSN chat later (which I started), we never spoke a word to each other, virtual or real life. She never bothered to start any more chats, and I got tired of being the only one to do that. So yeah, I won't say we argued or what to sever anything, but in terms of communications, we had totally stopped being friends. On the subsequent visits to Singapore, I didn't bother to find her anymore, and the only times we saw each other were at church. Sometimes she saw me, and I'd pretend not to notice, looking somewhere else and walking off. Yeah, that was pretty mean of me, I'll admit. But I didn't want to see her anymore.
Interestingly though, during my most recent visit to Singapore I went for the overnight prayer meeting with MJ Zone, and she was the first person I saw when I walked in. Geez. No chance to avoid her, so when she was like "You're back" I kept it really cool and just said "Yeah... for 10 days" while walking past and keeping myself busy with stuff that doesn't keep you busy. Surprising me even more was that after the prayer meeting she waved at me and asked me a few questions. I answered her questions as Clarence was with her. First time I saw him. And he put his arms around her waist in front of me -.-. Yeah, okay, I stopped liking her long ago, but still. After the MJ Zone appreciation lunch, I also happened to see her and have a very brief chat, forced to because we were at a bus stop. Geez.
I wished her a happy birthday a couple of weeks ago, mostly due to her being more "engaging" whenever I saw her during my last visit to Singapore. So yeah. I guess we're not friends anymore are we? More like people we just know. I'm not the kind who categorizes and labels friendships. Everyone knows that. But for her, even though I totally denied it and wanted to believe otherwise, I really can't say there's anything called "friendship" in it. Oh, speaking of not being friends, she also deleted my blog link when she started her new blog too. Nice -.-.
In conclusion, I guess circumstances didn't allow us to get together after I moved. I never told her I liked her, but I thought it was pretty obvious. And from what I'm reading and looking back at now, it was bloody obvious on both sides, if you were observing from the sidelines. She was pretty, very smart and had this great sense of humour that I really liked. Not to mention she was a volunteer at YMCA helping less fortunate people, and a very spiritual person, on her way to leadership. And we had some of the greatest conversations and really deep sharing. Then it was all screwed over ever so slowly, culminating with the ultimate screwjob on Valentine's. HAHA. Of all days.
Oh, and another thing got also got me annoyed. She promised to take a lot of pictures with me one time, but she only ended up taking one (and Michelle Lee was in it too... lmao). Sure, it's plain old ridiculous getting annoyed at not taking pictures. But remember how sensitive I am to promises, and how personally I take them, no matter how small. It's just me. But still, she did break her promise.
So yeah. That's my story with her. Hope it was entertaining to read at least. I'm very curious to see how it was like on her side. But considering the state of things now, I guess I'll never know.
I'm just glad she doesn't read my blog anymore. Or else I would have never typed this. Good to get it out of my chest. One year after it happened. Zzz.
My dear Loo Loo (what I used to call her last time).