Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Aye... the last few weeks of school are killing me. I'm hating Corporate Identity 2 with a vengeance. Seriously. Corporate Identity 1 was fun, I actually liked it, even though the comments I received from the lecturer were "Not passionate in this subject" so yeah. Lmao. I owe quite a few posts, which are still in drafts, but thanks to all the work I'm doing, they're still going to be drafts for now.
Anyway, I thought I'd write about something spontaneous instead. Something that just crossed my mind as I was looking at the old pictures of Essenism; love languages. Lmao, yeah, I know as Essenism we're not lovers, but there's this love of friends and what we expect. That reminded me of romantic love, and how we express it. As I remember, there were 5 main love languages people use to show love to others: Physical touch, giving of gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time. My main love language is physical touch (no surprise there) and secondary one is quality time. Although it's extremely secondary, if that's even a proper term -.-.
Why? Because physical touch triggers me the most. The others, not so much. But also because to me, they're not as "honest". Let me explain. For giving of gifts, I don't find that a love language I can be attuned with, because it's just gifts. If they have some meaning to them, it's something else (slightly), but if not, then I feel they're just gifts. I'll like it, appreciate it, but love? Not really. If I was rich, I could give all the gifts ever and there'd be no love to it. It wouldn't mean anything to me because gifts can be bought with money. It feels very cheap on my part. As for acts of service, it feels numbed to me as a love language. Cleaning tables? wiping the dishes? These are things that parents expect you to do for house chores. And for holding girl's bags or opening doors? That's just plain courtesy. You can do that without love. Doing that for love doesn't feel right for me, personally. I help girl's carry their bags all the time. I keep doors open all the time. I drive people around back when I can. Doesn't have any lovey connotations of any sort. Just chivalry. And what about words of affirmation? I'm brilliant at socializing, and words are extremely important after the aspects of body language and tone and pitch. But for love? Body language and tone aren't that important to lovers. Words however, can manipulate and kill. I'm extremely good with words (boy, this post suddenly feels like a bragging post), and even more so in Malaysia, where English standards aren't all that high. Pretty and dressed up words have an even bigger effect. Words of affirmation would totally be too easy to show love on my part, because it'd be so easy to say the correct words. Sweet talking would be all too easy. Way too easy to manipulate.
And of quality time, this is one of the honest ones I feel. You spending time with the one you love? Isn't that what helps forge a bond in a relationship? Spending time with each other? How can there be a proper relationship with no time is spent together? I understand the issues of a long distance relationship, or one that's meant to be a secret from others, but these instances aside, quality time is very important. And it is almost intertwined (almost, I repeat) with physical touch. After all, how can you hug, kiss or just hold someone without spending time with them? Physical touch is essential for me, because apart from quality time, all the other languages are superficial for me. They're all cheap ways of expression I can easily manipulate and not be honest with. With physical touch, not so much, because the girl's gotta be comfortable with you to allow you to touch her. To have achieved that, unless highly under the influence of alcohol (and even then, no assurance), you must've made a good impression or been attractive. Something done right, normally done in honesty, clubbing circumstances aside. Besides, don't you feel really good when you hug or kiss the person you love? And studies have shown that around 10% of a relationship is made up of sex. Sex isn't love, and neither is money equated to love, but they're both important aspects of a relationship, regardless.
Much more so for me. For certain people, when they put a hand or something on me, there'll be this kind of jolt of some sort that's comfortable in a weird way. This only happens with people I'm physically attracted to or the person I like. If some old-geezer molester touches me I'll get a jolt too. A jolt of disgust and horror! Okay, jokes, aside, this was why I liked Tiffany after just one night. She was very pretty, with a witty and funny personality, and some touchy touchy moments too at the chalet. Perfect combo. Same thing with Sze Ying when she put her hand on my thigh, among other stuff. I may show love through physical touch, but how we perceive the other party's affections is usually favoured to how we show love. Very rarely do you find somebody who shows love in one way but prefers to receive it in a different way. So if I show love through physical touch, physical touch will be the one that scores the most points with me too. If my other half (hypothetically speaking, at the moment) shows love through another method, I won't be feeling as much love as they might be showing through it. Keep it up after a while and there might be disappointments in the relationship. This makes relationships all the more interesting eh?
I do realize that physical touch can be superficial too, for others. People may kiss, have sex and all that without any emotional attachments. But it's very rare for either party to feel absolutely nothing at all, unless they're regular to one night stands or friends with benefits, and even then it happens sometimes. But for me, I won't be able to do that, since its my primary love language. I also realize that some people may wonder how that works with my regular clubbing. In the club, part of the fun is dancing and getting to know other people right? Usually, it's very physical in the club too. I do know the difference though. I do get that jolt feeling from the people (aka girls) I meet when there's something physical, and I guess that helps with the attraction, but there's nothing more after that anyway. Most of the time.
Yeah. Actually, it wasn't just the Essenism pictures that got me thinking on this. I was also thinking of certain "could-have-beens" with some people. What got me thinking? There was a small bottle of whiskey left over from the Groove in Motion performance months ago. Yeah. That long. I just drank all of it in neat, so I'm writing this post under the influence of alcohol. Heh. I might be writing more honestly, subconsciously, or something. Or maybe my grammar's worse off than usual. Meh. I'll see when I wake up.