Where will you be my darling? Where will you be when the dark is rising?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
I've been having a hard time sleeping.
In fact, most of this year I've had a hard time sleeping. Not when it comes to TOA of course. I mean, like, when you're just naturally tired, and you want to go to sleep. I can't. The only way I've been dropping to sleep was simply to wait for exhaustion to hit and I'd fall asleep.
Starting December last year, I've been having trouble sleeping due to a friend that lied. The repercussions, the thoughts, what to do. They kept me awake for three bloody months. I had insomnia for a really, really long time. The only times I slept were because I was simply so tired I dropped to sleep. During my final months in TOA, that was really apparent too. On the rare days I'd get to have proper rest, I couldn't sleep of my own accord. Again I had to wait for that exhausting feeling to come and I'd sleep.
Even now that I've graduated, I'm still having trouble falling asleep naturally. Again I need to wait for that exhaustion to come in and I sleep. Granted, because I've got no school and my job hasn't started yet, that's not a big deal. I can just wait or do something till I fall asleep. But it's been quite annoying because when I want to go out, hang out and all, I need to wake up relatively early. And so I try to sleep earlier. sure, because I woke up late naturally I'll feel tired later in the night. But even on days where I wake up earlier, I still fall asleep really late. And when I go out, I'm tired, despite having no school or work. I go out, have fun, come back home tired and fall asleep.
When I try to sleep properly, I just lie down in bed, waiting to fall asleep. I don't. Not immediately anyway. I exagerrate not when I say that it takes me hours to fall asleep just lying down there. But my mind isn't a blank. I know what's keeping me awake. Its memories, thoughts, flashbacks and the such. On replay, for freaking hours. It's weird really. When I lie down on my bed, there's no games, books, or distractions. It's like my mind gets to unwind, but it rarely reviews the day's actitivities. Normally I end up having thoughts about many previous incidents. And there's no common theme. It's just really random. Some memories are funny situations that happened before, some are embarassing moments that happened, some are conversations among friends that replay in my head. Sometimes its just a quick reminisce of someone I haven't talked to in a long time. And a few memories of my time with that person, in whatever capacity. Over and over again. When I'm dead tired, I don't get any of this. But when I've been well-rested, and I'm just lying in bed, it happens alot. And it keeps me awake. I try focusing on other things, a few times I've tried getting up and doing something (makes it worse), but nothing seems to stop it from happening.
Very peculiar. Very peculiar indeed. I'm blogging this because I'm going out tomorrow and I'm freaking wide awake now. Same memory thingy is happening. So I thought I'd blog about it.
Pfft. Even when I graduate I don't sleep well. Lol.