Friday, October 28, 2011
So, recently my cellgroup pissed me off. Yeah. My cellgroup. W19. Yes, you. I'm not even going to bother to hide it here.
It has been a very, very long time since I have been unhappy with my cellgroup. The last time was back in 2007 with E458, and things turned out for the better after much trouble and confrontation (and anger on my part). From the time that things went great for E458 and up until now I have been pleased with the cellgroup I've been in. Until the recent months. Now it's not unhappiness in the recent months, but some points to note and how it doesn't help this situation.
Last Sunday I went for service. My mom needed the car so it was the first Sunday in quite some time I didn't get to borrow the car. Thankfully, Justin allowed me to stay in his place, and drove me over to church on Sunday morning. It was the weekend Jayesslee was coming to the service, and they performed wonderfully, but they aren't the focus of this post. After service, we went to eat at Piccadilly. As Ai Lee has moved to Kelana Jaya now, that means I'm the only person living in Cheras now, in the cellgroup. I'm the only Cherasian, and I have no car. At least the Sunway people live really near the church, and thus no one has a problem picking them up and dropping them off. The rest who live slightly further (but none are far as me) have their cars. Anyhoo, after eating, and having a discussion on what the cellgroup should do for Deepavali, it was time to go home. Now, my mom was in Malacca, and I had no car. So I couldn't call her to pick me up. So fine, I asked if I could be dropped home. Naturally, everyone said no. It was too far. I understood, even though Piccadilly to my house is about the same distance as Piccadilly to Sunway. Fine. I wasn't really expecting someone to drive me back home anyway I asked for transport to Mid Valley Mega Mall, which was less than 5 minutes away. Nopes... they weren't going that direction. Instead I was told "How about I drop you to Sunway instead?" and "Can I drop you off at Kelana Jaya?" Wait... Mid Valley is less than 5 minutes away... but you're offering to drop me freaking 20 minutes away? At a place further from my house? Am I missing something here?
Yes, I know that as a passenger, it is totally up to the driver. That they do not owe me any transport. They may not owe me, but I think it would be common courtesy (and common sense for a nearer location) to drop your cellgroup member nearby, where it's more convenient to go back home. Nope... nothing of the sort was offered. And I'm not even asking them to go freaking far here. If I was some new member or friend, they'd surely make the effort and go freaking far to drop them off. A regular church member? Nah, he can find his way back. I'd rather they tell me to find my way back instead of dropping me off at Sunway or Kelana. I mean seriously, were brains used when making those statements? You know I live in Cheras. You know my house is relatively near Piccadilly. You know that Mid Valley is freaking near Piccadilly. And you want top drop me back more than thrice the distance away? More than thrice, remember that.
It's funny. I've been in church for 8 years now, coming close to the start of my ninth year, and in every cellgroup I've been in, I've at least bonded with them decently. Even if things did not go well with the cellgroup as a whole, relationships and bonds were forged. I am not feeling much of that here, even before I began working. With certain people, yes, definitely, but not the cellgroup. Is there a movie outing going on? Ask everyone! Except me. Any plans? Tell everyone! Except me. Are we going for Sunday service? Let him find out when he reaches church on Saturday! Thus I joined Issey's cellgroup very often, and it was like I was in two separate cellgroups. And I bonded so well with Issey's cellgroup as well. And much less with my own, despite seeing them in cellgroup meetings as well.
Since I have begun working, I have not attended one cellgroup meeting, due to work ending late. By the time I finished, borrowed the car and driven over, cellgroup would be over, and most likely they'd be in the middle of eating. Yeah, I know I'm making the cellgroup seem horrible. They aren't. Hell, they celebrated m birthday and bought me a very fashionable and a very nice bag. When I represented the cellgroup for the subzone Bible quiz, they supported me very well, and very enthusiastically. Jokes, laughters and all that. But all I asked for was transport to a place really nearby, and suddenly, if it's inconvenient for them even in the slightest (even if it just requires a small U-turn), they can't be bothered. I'm mainly complaining on the events on that day, although bitching here and there about the general picture.
I thought Jesus said if you'll travel with someone one mile, go with him two? Again, like I've said... one of the strongest cases to show how Christianity changes people is the Christians themselves. They are the best and worst "evidences" in the case for Christ. And as if to add insult to injury, today I was asked whether I was free to attend cellgroup. Knowing I had no transport back, I said I'd pass. Ai Lee offered to drive me back home, even though she wasn't going herself. She was going to take the trouble to drive to the cellgroup place, and drive me back home. Why wasn't this offered when I really needed it on Sunday? And I don't mean a ride back home. I just needed a ride to Mid Valley. When I really needed it, it wasn't offered. When I don't need it, it's generously offered. What. The. Hell?
The insult to injury wasn't mainly that though. The cellgroup went for the Deepavali outing at Vintry, and never told me. But if there's a cellgroup meeting, they tell me! Wow, how holy! Geez. Perhaps I am glad that I only see them once a week. Yes, I'm using harsh language here. But seriously, I'm not offended on the fact I wasn't there at the outing with them. I was offended that they didn't bother asking. And I'm not desperate for an outing with them. I have way too many friends, and with plenty of activities, although I try to space them evenly and perhaps interlink them when I can. As cocky and arrogant as it sounds, I don't really lose out too much if I lose a small group of friends, or a few individuals. There have been many friendships I have been prepared to throw away because although I value the friendship tremendously, I know that I have so many other friends of equal value, and thus I hardly worry. The only time I would worry is if I lost all my friends. And that, based on my current score, is never going to happen. And, it would also free up a lot of my time as well.
The less I expect from this cellgroup, the happier I'm going to be. "Dedicated" Christians - They will cross mountains, valleys and a thousand miles for God but won't drive you a mile or two to help you out. No wonder I am amazed by Christ. I am appalled by "Christians".
Yeah, since it was such a trouble and bother to drive me back, I decided to skip the cellgroup meeting. What's the point of being offered something you were denied when you really needed it? It could have been the first one I attended since I began working. I decided to pass on it instead, making it the first cellgroup meeting I've intentionally missed. Honoured?
Fallen
8:52 AM
in the grip of darkness
