Crimson Butterfly

Monday, November 30, 2009

Your Existing Situation:

"Is stubborn, demanding, and arrogant, works toward his own goals and purposes. Has little regard for others and is unwilling to compromise or negotiate."

Your Stress Sources:

"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep his rank and status. His current situation is irritating him because he can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards he does. He is feeling isolated and wants to give in to his carnal urges, but can't bring himself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see his unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead he has an "I don't care" attitude and pushing people away. He turns his back on those who criticizes his behavior, but beneath his indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."

Your Restrained Characteristics:

"Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended."

Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotional distant.

Is bothered when his needs and desires are misunderstood and he feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. His self-centered attitude can cause him to be easily offended.

Applies tough standards to his potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Is bothered when his needs and desires are misunderstood and he feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. His self-centered attitude can cause him to be easily offended.

Your Desired Objective:

"Strongly resists any limits given him or disputes directed toward him. Stubborn, close-minded, and is hard to change his mind once it is made up. Uses his stubbornness as a way to prove he is independence and in control of the situation."

Your Actual Problem:

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave him feeling the same way. Is unable to admit to his short comings, which leads him to act out in an aggressive and resentful way."

Your Actual Problem #2:

"Struggles with his need for respect and admiration from others; feels he needs to make a name for himself and stand out from the crowd. He acts out by insisting he be the center of attention, and refuses to step back, stand down, or take on a minor, insignificant role."

WOW. What the hell.

Returning at
1:48 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Superficial relationships, like I said in my previous post.

Oh, I'm still in my bad mood.

A few days ago, I had a sudden realization that several friendships I thought were close weren't. They were very on the surface. Some seemed deep and genuine, but digging deeper, they were not. Some others were deep, but had many superficial elements in it. Too much. I can understand that some friendships fade over time, and that things are never quite the same after that. I'm not talking about those cases. I'm talking about a mutual friendship that goes deep, or at least seems deep, but in actual fact, it isn't. Or at least, not to the extent I expected.

Take the most recent case. One time a bunch of us wanted to go to Genting during the holidays, and asked a lot of people. Disaster ensued as many couldn't make it. This certain person said she wouldn't go even for one night because she had medication and that she wanted to sleep in her own bed, so don't even bother asking her for Genting. Alright... a few days ago a group of her friends wanted to go Ipoh for 4 days and instantly she joined the bandwagon. Thing is she wasn't allowed to go. And you know what she did? She begged and pleaded with her mom, who didn't allow her, so you know wat she did? She asked me to forge a school field trip letter so that her mom would let her go. 'Nuff said.

And another person. We both said that we'd become close over quite a short period of time. And I thought that yeah, it was true. We shared a lot. Thing is, the only thing we ever talked about deeply was our relationships with other people. Crushes, ex's, and all that stuff. It really was deep and personal stuff. But you know what? That's ALL we ever talked about. Relationships! Any other topic we had was pure boredom and dead. There was nothing interesting shared about families, lives or what. It was just so awkward when no relationship topics were brought up. A bit of humour here and there (mostly from me) but absolutely nothing concrete.

And another one. We seemed to chat very well. We did. We chatted very well. But only on MSN. In real life, there was never much to be said. Maybe 'cause we said so much online? Perhaps, I'll grant that. But if so many topics can be said on MSN, why not real life? Is text and smilies all there is to friendship? I don't think so. If there's a friendship that's great in real life but dull online, I think that's perfectly fine. 'Cause its more genuine. It's really a friendship based upon two people and their personalities, not their words and text. It's best if the communication is strong online and in real life.

There's a lot more superficial friendships or friendships with a lot of superficial elements in it, but they're more minor. These are the major ones that made me have a revelation of how unsolid some frienships were. Not a lot, thankfully, but several, which was enough to worry me.

Let's just see what happens to these friendships.

I assure you, it'll be interesting to see the results of each friendship.

Returning at
10:35 PM

Bring The Darkness Back

Monday, November 16, 2009

Aye... last Wednesday, I finally watched the hyped-up movie This Is It, with Kai Yih. I think its overrated, seriously. People everywhere were like telling me "You must watch it!" and people were saying how amazing Michael Jackson's performances and all were going to be. Zzz, I actually almost fell asleep around the middle. Kai Yih too, I could see her head dropping sometimes. Lmao... it was mainly just his rehearsal singing, and a few impressive sets. I can appreciate his talent and skill, and his passion... but "You have to watch it before you die"? Hell no -.-.

Later on I headed back to school to watch Gostan Forward. It's by Marion D'Cruz, my culture and society lecturer. She's freaking vulgar, but she's got a brilliant sense of humour too, and I always enjoyed her lectures in class, even though she was superbly harsh. Gostan Forward was about her past, her memories and a sort of life journey of how she began the arts, to how she was slowly recognized and up to the point she became a Datin. Quite interesting. Among her jokes and stories, she also danced a bit, although she only picked a select few from her three decade career.

She's slowly warming up...

The hood was a reference to secret informants during WWII who wore hoods and pointed out rebels and "traitors" of the Japanese empire.

She was doing some singing and dancing on the table.

One of her mask dances. This was one of the more interesting dances.

Marion and one of her friends from long ago

And they kept dancing and singing...

I had a brief chat with Marion after everything wrapped up. Been ages since I last seen her, and she was very motherly, instead of her usual crude self, which was a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, on Saturday morning it was the basketball competition for Emerge. And I have to say, the Emerge this year was even more messy than last year, and organization even worse. You see, a month ago, I was supposed to go for the basketball selections for VU cluster. I was late since I was helping Kean Hoong for his drama. So I was told to attend the next week's selection. It was raining, and Felix didn't bother to pick up any calls I made to ask if the selections were still on that day due to the weather. When I arrived Felix was there, and after a few games, he walked off without telling any of us what happened. What the? I called him (he finally picked up) and he said since it was raining, selection was next week instead. I was pissed off, so I didn't bother going. Then like a few days before the basketball competition itself, I'm told I'm selected for VU team 2, and given the names of my team, and I have no idea who they are. Fine. Not only that, one day before captains ball, I received a call telling me I'm in the team. What the hell! Only a day's notice! No practice, no nothing! Geez! And captains ball clashes with basketball. Freak.

I focused on basektball, and decided to help out in captains ball only if I was needed. I arrived at 8am, and took a few shots. After a very bad start, I was on fire again, and almost every shot I took went in. Yes! Even after such a long absence my skills weren't totally gone. Five minutes before my match, I finally met my team. The basketball is 3 on 3, so with 4 of us, one of has had to sub out. I asked if they wanted me to sub out and join in later, or have one of them sub out. They said they wanted to play together, and I'd join in later. Fine. They played, and scored the first point. Well done. After that first point, they never got any more points. The other team, which was made up of midgets, ended up scoring like 7 shots straight! Geez! I wanted to sub in, but they didn't let me, so I waited and waited, till I just got pissed and walked onto the court saying "I'm subbing in now!" One of them subbed out, and the game was on again. I managed to steal the ball 4 times from the opponent, but my teammates missed every single shot I passed to them. I also took one shot. And you know how long I played? 10 seconds. TEN FREAKING SECONDS! WHAT THE HELL! FREAKS! YOU GUYS GOT WHOOPED AND STILL WOULDN'T LET ME SUB IN. TEN SECONDS! If I hadn't been pissed and walked onto the court, I would have lost without doing ANYTHING! DAMN FREAKING WASTE OF MY TIME.

Since my team lost so early, I went off early too. I planned to go over to Kai Yih's place to take a shower, rest a bit and drive her to church early, for her choir practice. That didn't happen though... when I went over, I began ranting every single thing to her, and slowly our conversation turned into a lot about our own families and all. We chatted from like 10:30am to 2:30pm straight, about so many damn things. It was a great chat, and I was really blessed by the sharing. Also, it cooled me down a lot, and I wasn't so ticked off for the remainder of the day. I did take my shower and drive her over, and had service later on. Arise and build. Target is RM 3 million. Wow.

Afterwards, the cellgroup watched 2012. I found the starting and disasters quite exciting and funny! Very good humour peppered into the movie, and the whole cinema even clapped for two parts of the movie. "Engine, start" and the middle finger from Tamara. Lmao. The ending wasn't was climatic as I wished though. But overall, enjoyable.

The next day was a day out with Cindy. Since she was hospitalized, I wanted to treat her out for a movie. Due to the freaking long line, we couldn't watch Jennifer's Body at the time we wanted. So she suggested something else, watch Phobia 2, and Jennifer's Body after. Eh... why not? So we bought the tickets for the 2 movies. Unlike the last time I asked her out for a movie (the same night I gave up on her), there was no one along this time, and it was just 1 on 1. Funny... how it was so smooth and easy when I stopped liking her. Oh well. Well, Phobia 2 was enjoyable. It's 5 short films in one film. The first was alright, second was plain stupid and made little sense, the third was very heart-racing, fourth, sad, and fifth, freaking funny! Lmao! I don't wanna spoil it. But nothing is what it seems in the final one. Haha. And Jennifer's Body was alright. Not as good as I hoped, but there was a lot of witty dialogue and smart lines. But Jennifer got killed way too easily -.-. And Megan Fox was plain yummy throughout the movie. She looked brilliant in every scene except for her "hunger" scenes but almost every kiss scene was censored. Especially the lesbian kiss, which didn't surprise me. "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry was censored in Malaysia too -.-.

And today, I asked Kai Yih out for lunch. It was after her exams though, so a classmate followed. Ivy, who I met once before. Anyway, we ate at Sushi King, which has got pathetic customer service, but the food is not bad. Pretty good.

I joined them for their shopping a while too.

I watched 2012 (again) later on thanks to Andrew paying, and got to enjoy the disaster scenes much more.

I'm pissed off now though. Ranting post, up next. Superficial friendships.

Returning at
7:13 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Aye... I went clubbing at Poppy last night. Fun! Although a lot less eventful than most of the times. It's my first time there, and at last clubbing somewhere else besides Barcelona. It's good to have a little variety. Heh... I went with Ash and his friends, and I drove there after picking them up. Neal was supposed to come along, but he was (in his exact words) "Too lazy to go all the way to KL". What the hell right -.-.

Well... Poppy, what can I say? The atmosphere is pretty cool, and its very, very spacious. It's partly open air, and although there's a few standard dance floors, practically the entire club is like a dance floor. There was also an abundance of alcohol! I don't know what they bought, since they did all the buying and stuff. I think it was Martell 'cause it tastes like it. I drank a hell lot, and typical of me, I was still clear headed, although it got me going to dance. And I managed to dance with a girl for a while, and got her contacts later on. And I just found out she's got a boyfriend.

Eh, why am I getting all physical with the people who are attached? Back at Dolce, where I met that girl who passed the drink through a kiss (and many more kisses -.-), I found out she had a boyfriend later on. And Tiffany (in Dolce again) kissed me, although it was a cheap one, and she's got her boyfriend. And the girl I met in Poppy yesterday was also called Tiffany. Yeah, the irony -.-. Just dancing though... and she's got her boyfriend as well. Should I be feeling guilty that I'm hitting on all these guys girlfriends?

*Shrugs*... it's still a good experience, enjoying a new club and having plenty of alcohol for quite a cheap price. The only trouble was the driving. Bukit Bintang is freaking packed at night, and the jams are insane. Zzz. While driving back home I fell asleep on the wheel 10 times! HECK! I'm freaking lucky to be alive! I wasn't drunk, just really tired, because I had school and church before heading to club. I don't know how, but thank God, I didn't get into any accidents.

Speaking of partying, the TOA had a Halloween Night on the 23rd last week. Decorations were quite poor, but the events and atmosphere were great!

Shana sitting beside me. She's Fei Yan's friend, who happened to chance upon me. She helped me put on the eyeliner for later. Heh.

Me and my mask. Yeaps. With eyeliner. You can't freaking breathe in that mask and hood -.-.

This is Bee Lian, one of the people entering the scariest costume contest. She's like some haunted rag doll or something. She's freaking cute though! And she can do that evil iaugh thingy.

Other people in the costume competition. Newspaper witch and a Freddy/Jason hybrid. What is he? Freason? Jaddy? HAHA!

The newspaper witch. He probably had the funniest costume -.-, lol.

Bee Lian and Shazz. Shazz was like some zombified Joker. Complete with a suit and that now-famous Heath Ledger Joker makeup. And yeah, I realize where he's aiming -.-.

My turn to walk. I may look calm and collected, but it was really hard to see, and I couldn't breathe properly. Geez.

This was Joshua's costume. It was probably the coolest and should've won (some other dude won, and it didn't even look scary). His right arm had freaking garden scissors attached to it!

Breast shooter, Bee Lian and Terry (my front door neighbour). Why is everyone aiming at her chest?!

You should know this mask if you watched Scary Movie! I shouted "WAZZAP!" to the guy and he just stared at me. He doesn't even know the origin of the mask. What the.

Some dude with a freaking huge sword on his arm. Reminds me of Nightmare from the Soul Calibur series.

There were several musical performances, but Justin and his band played metal, and he rocked the entire house! Everyone stood up for Psychosocial and plenty of people head-banged. Freaking immense!

And I stole some of the pictures from Wai Kwan's Facebook. Heh, sorry! She's super cute in this pumpkin hat though.

Returning at
12:51 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Friday, October 30, 2009

Interesting fact: I've attended more funerals than weddings in my life.

Yeah, sad eh? Anyhoo, I was counting the funeral's I've attended so far: My great-grandmother, my grandfather, my grandmother, Jonathan Lim's grandmother, Nicklaus, Jace's dad.

And weddings? Aunty Stephanie's brother, Sher Ling's wedding, Joe and Sze Ying and recently Guo Fang's. Faith will soon have her wedding too. Heh.

Six funerals and four weddings. I attend funerals almost twice as much as weddings -.-. Geez. Rachel mentioned something about this in the Christian fellowship a few weeks ago, but I think I'll blog about that another day.

Anyhoo, I know I owe updates. A lot. But thing is, I've forgotten a lot too! So don't mind if there are some days missing. Heh.

Many weeks ago it was quite a spiritual week. Pastor Tan from CHC SG came over during the weekdays. It's his first time since the church building was opened 5 years ago. I couldn't attend all the sessions, but for the ones I did, he preached about the kingdom of God, and secondly about some major intellectual issues. Very enlightening! I haven't heard him preach in ages.

A few days later during the weekend, Pastor Joakim Lundqvist came to preach. It's his second time here, and my second time hearing him preach too. Well, what can I say? His messages were just such a blessing. I realize he likes to use real people and their testimonies, plus historical figures and their stories. First he talked about three high school kids in Sweden, and how they reached out to others. For the first, was a boy who had a big huge classmate that nobody talked to. Then one day he just asked whether he wanted to join him and his friends. The big guy thought it was a party, so he agreed, but later found out it was a prayer meeting! Haha! He stayed, although he felt very awkward. But later at home he prayed himself, and after that became a Christian. I've forgotten the 2nd person, but the third was just wow.

The third child was in high school, and one day she was about to cross the road and there was a person on the other side who was crying. Suddenly she heard God telling her to stand in the middle of the road and open up her arms. She was like "What?" But she obeyed. And when she did that, the crying girl just walked into her arms, and they hugged. In the middle of the road. With people walking by and cars waiting. Lol. They kept in contact, and she brought the crying girl to church later on. Turns out the crying girl was actually crying over her life and how it was, and that she was on her way to commit suicide when God told that person to stop and open up her arms. Totally a miraculous event. It's just so... wow.

Pastor Joakim also shared about two historical figures. The first was William Wilberforce. A British parliament member who helped to abloish slavery. He had a calling from a young age that God wanted him to free the slaves as it was inhumane, the way they were treated. Well, after decades of failures, he finally managed to abolish slavery, just days before his death. He never gave up, although he was close to giving up many times. However he exchanged many letters with John Wycliffe (or was it William Pitt? I can't quite remember), and this support from him kept him going.

His second story though, was more dramatic, and it wasn't a success. There was a man who once had a passion for reaching out to the workers in the coalmines, fields and all. He eventually became the leader of this movement, but the established church and religious people criticized him for mingling among the dirty and uncivilized people. He took it for a while, but later on he became bitter and angry, and after the continuing insults, he just gave up and quit. The revival he started collapsed and there was no more spirit among the people he had reached out to. So he decided to do the only thing he was good at. Painting. He didn't have much success, but he managed to keep himself alive for some time. He slowly went depressed and insane, to the extent of cutting off his ear lobe. As he got crazier, he painted "The Starry Night" and "Sunflowers". In the end, he finally killed himself with a shotgun. Yup. You might have guessed by now. It's Vincent Van Gogh.

Vincent Van Gogh used to be a pastor, and he led exactly like Jesus did. And the established religious authorities criticized him just like the Pharisees criticized Jesus. But Van Gogh gave up. And he lost it all. But Van Gogh was never remembered for his pastoral affairs, only his paintings. When we speak of Van Gogh, no one calls him a failed pastor, but they always call him a painter, an artist. And I've found out that practically no one I know ever had any idea Van Gogh used to be a pastor.

Anyhoo, Pastor Joakim's become one of my favourite speakers. Even though I've only heard him twice, I like his style already. God bless!

Returning at
4:27 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Friday, October 9, 2009

Am I the only one who sees the obvious similarities between these two posters? -.-, geez, you'd think they'd be more original.

That was really random. Anyhoo, the first few weeks of school was alright I guess? The classes are mostly fine, and most of the lecturer's are friendly, but I'm cautious of the new typography lecturer. He's very harsh and strict, but he tries to make jokes, which none of us lighten up to, due to the other half of his attitude. But in the subsequent weeks he seemed better, and then getting worse -.-. So I don't know =/. And his classes are on Saturday! Oh man. I've been damn tired everytime I go for service, which isn't a good thing.

Anyhoo, I stayed over at Henry's place last weekend 'cause his brother was getting married, and thw wedding was on the weekend. Well, it was enjoyable. The wedding was at some fancy restaurant, which served pretty good food! The drinks were also free flow. And I mean any drink. So alcohol was free flow! Weeee~~~! I kept spamming the whiskey and coke all night long, and typical of me, I was sober throughout. Again. Okay, I mean it wasn't a club so I wasn't out to get myself hammered, but I was relieved that I wouldn't get high in the night. Of course, when it comes to clubbing, that's quite a drawback -.-.

Also, we gamed like hell at his home. We played the professional mode of Resident Evil 5, where we died many times, but still did quite well. We were playing mercenary mode, and just as Henry (using combat Jill) killed a chicken in the game (they give eggs) Jill shouted "Chicken!" Serious! Kok Kin heard it too! I don't think three of us could have misheard it right? It was like DAMN FUNNY! Lmao! We checked but we couldn't find any other case of this happening before. Hmmm? Oh, we completed Rainbow Six Vegas 2. And bloody hell, we got killed most often by people carrying FNC's! So there was one part where a guy was caught and wanted to shoot us, and we killed him. So we were like "You dare to point a gun at me? I've got an FNC!" LOL! We also died a lot of times in the game, especially at the end where you have to kill a combat helicopter. Zzz, the bloody missiles whooped us countless times. But we finished! Oh, and the designs for the houses and architecture are simply BRILLIANT! Seriously. There are some missions that take part in mansions and villas, and they were so beautiful that sometimes, while Henry and I were busy admiring the designs and layout, we got killed by the terrorists -.-.

And guess what? Turns out that the entire terrorist killings were started by your subordinate. Because you always sheltered him and covered for him, he felt weak and unable to release his potential, so he hatches this plan just to show you how smart and good he is. What the hell right? You kill him in the end. Anyhoo, it was a pretty fun time over there. Thanks, and congratulations Joe and Sze Ying on your wedding! The bitchy flower girl was super cute too!

Returning at
11:16 PM

Bring The Darkness Back

Monday, October 5, 2009

I don't know whether I'm assuming too much, or being too assured.

Returning at
6:07 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Yeah, yeah, I know an update should be posted, a real one. A what-happened-to-me-the-last-few-weeks kind. But I'm still typing it. It's saved in a draft right now, half finished. Eh, not really "half", but uh, substantial? Plus my trip in Singapore has maybe 4 lines in the draft, so far. So far.

Anyhoo, since I owe so many weeks, I thought I'd post something interesting instead, something that might make you think a bit deep perhaps?

That's my newest wristband, complete with three really sharp (and dangerous) spikes, and yeah, those are hearts in between them. Vonny and Linda bought it for me, 'cause they said when they looked at it, it reminded them of me. Black, with a lot of metal. And the spikes (I think a reference to my hair) look very hard and tough, but on the inside, I'm soft and gentle (thus, the hearts). Heck, that's an awful lot of thought into one gift eh? But I appreciate it, and I like it, seriously. I'm touched that despite the lack of occasion, they could think of me and buy me this.

The night I received the gift, for a short time the conversation was about fears. They boldly proclaimed "Howe's not afraid of anything!". Heh, I'm flattered, but they're quite close to the truth. Quite. I'm afraid of only one thing. My education? Nopes, it matters, but not to the point I'm afraid. I'm quite confident of myself. I call myself stupid, retarded and stuff at times, just to joke around... but (sorry for the lack of modesty) I am quite smart, and I've got tons of friends who say that. I know tons of stuff, general knowledge, religious, science theories. So education isn't as fearful for me as some of my friends who are in perpetual fear. My friends? Sure, I may be concerned, but fears? Nah, I'm not that paranoid. People will pick themselves up rather easily. All they need is love and a helping hand. Fear for their welfare is totally unnecessary and paranoid. Concern and love is what they need. My family? I think it's alright. Tolerable, and of course my family's completely split up, but not a fear. I've already been through the worst a family can go through.

Spiders, demons, ghosts, the dark, heights, blood... some may cause discomfort, but true fear? Nah, not scared at all. What I'm scared of, and I think I've mentioned it before, is that I'm scared of losing my faith. Scared that I might fall out with God and forget everything He's done for me, and my life as a Christian. So if I was an atheist, I'd have no fear, none at all. That's ironic. That we are to have no fear while in a relationship with God, but losing Him is my only fear and a lack of belief in him would release me from any fear. And no, for you wannabe-theologians, the "fear of God" is not a real fear, its about a respect towards God. I find it funny of atheists who don't believe in a god but fear the dark. Such a strong assurance there's no god but fearful uncertainty something might be hiding in a dark corner. Neither of which they can see.

So I was checking out a link that talked about how guys show their love. A lot of it matched with what those relationship sermons talked about in church. Then there was a link to another article, about what men fear. I clicked on it, curious to see what they would put. I was very assured that I had none of their fears, and my only fear would be the one I keep mentioning. And lo and behold, I saw that it was true, I didn't have any of the fears they listed down. Well... at least for now. Some of the more noticeable ones were "Am I making enough for my family?", "Am I pleasuring my wife enough in sex?", "Will I be a good dad?" and "Do I have enough to get my kids through their education?". All very legitimate questions, and none that apply to me, so naturally I've got none of those fears.

But... what about in the future? Unless I'm Bill Gates or doing extremely well, these fears will crop up. And while I was reading this, a lot of other things popped up in my mind, all that could be fears in the future. What if my wife gets a miscarriage? What if my child is born deformed in some way, mentally or physically? I know it takes a lot of love, patience and courage to raise up a child like that, and what if I'm scared and ashamed of my own kid? What if I don't have the virtues to take care of someone like that? And that led me to death. Yeah, sorry, mind wanders wildly. What if I die early? I said I'm not scared about my own death, it's a non-issue for me, if it happens it happens. But if I'm married and have my own family, and I die, there's gonna be a fear of what's going to happen to them. What if my kids are born normal, but turn out to to be as bad as my sister? Heck, what if they're worse? And what if I get a divorce? I've already said I never want to end up like my parents and let my kids go through a divorce. But no couples get married to have a divorce. It just happens along the way. And if it does happen? I'd have failed in my marriage. That's another fear. I don't wanna raise up my kids like my parents raised up me. Now don't get me wrong, my parents raised me up fine, very well I'd say. But there are many aspects I don't wanna follow in raising up my kids (stupid superstitions and religious persecution top this).

Now, I've got no reason to fear about any of this. At all. Maturity isn't about age, but your acceptance and dedication towards responsibility. At that age, people will wise up, 'cause they have to. Now, I can relax, enjoy, slack, wake up anytime I want, go clubbing and hit on any girl I want (benefits of being single). In the future, I won't be able to hit on any girl. I'll have to be faithful (nevermind, go clubbing with my girlfriend then! Lol). I'll needa take her into consideration. Need to spend some money on her, leaving less to myself. I can't go around getting the contacts of other girls anymore, 'cause I doubt my girlfriend would approve of that. Shallow as it sounds, I'm actually quite proud of the fact I've been able to get the contacts of every single girl I've asked (mostly strangers) successfully, with one exception (I was pressured to do that in the first place, against my will).

But I'm single, and marriage issues are still a long way off. Unless I fulfill that damn promise to GT Zone about my marriage, then it's only a few years off. So I've got very little to fear now. Only one, and I've mentioned it above. So the next time someone says I have no fear, believe them, but just with one exception.

But once I get a girlfriend, you might start to question the truth of that statement. When I get married, begin to doubt that statement. Hmmm... actually, let's just see how my life is like at that time. Then we'll see whether doubting it is wise.

Oh, one last thing. That article was linked to another article that just made me laugh. Here's the most interesting part: US$ 16 billion is spent a year on lingerie. The average woman has 9 bras (6 worn regularly) but 90% of all females in the world have the wrong bra size. "Nuff said.

Returning at
2:54 AM

Bring The Darkness Back

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sorry for the lack of updates. My internet connection's been cut (again). So while I'm busy doing the updates, here's something to make you laugh, heh, at least a bit.

I actually saw something like this in someone's blog before, and I saw another one in a Facebook group. And that just got me inspired to do my own version.

There are just some things about going to an art school that stand out really obviously.

You know you go to The One Academy When...

1) You’re bad at math, but that seems to be the norm.

2) You have at least 3 kinds of tape. They are all completely different, and they all serve completely different functions. But you know what they're for.

3) The naked picture on the screen for figures class does not arouse or disgust you because you’re too busy trying to get an ‘A’ in the class.

4) Your lecturers almost never give A’s in figures because (and they repeat it often) it's not 3D enough, or your strokes are wrong.

5) You're not as surprised by crazy fasion senses anymore.

6) Black is your worst enemy when the results are out.

7) You're surrounded by restaurants that serve all kinds of food.

8) Yet you don't know where and what to eat after class. Everyday.

9) You know the difference between violet and purple. And you blast people who don't know the difference.

10) You tried cleaning your pallette used for acrylic paint the first few times.

11) But you got lazy after a while and now its now hardened with acrylic paint all over it.

12) Your friends don't know what the hell putty rubber is when they first see it.

13) You’ve pulled an all-nighter on a project and still could not see any progress in the morning.

14) You’ve exploded at your friends for belittling the amount of work you receive.

15) The girl that you thought was a guy at the beginning of the year isn’t so bad.

16) Your friends not from your school do not understand #14 in the slightest.

17) Everybody fits in. Period.

18) You know everyone in Vision Art.

19) The people you go to school with do not ask you to draw anything for them (excluding doing their assignments for them).

20) People are always shooting films or taking pictures.

21) Despite your best efforts, you still manage to get paint, pencil or charcoal on some part of your body, somehow.

22) Vision Art has run out of supplies at least once, and it was a long wait for the restocking.

23) Your lecturer is a moron, but he is excused because he's an industry professional.

24) You know that there is a right way and a wrong way to use art gum.

25) The clock you built out of sticks and paper is still in use.

26) Ming Tien's food sucks but makes a hell lot more money than you'll ever have.

27) You know how to pronounce gouache.

28) Your pencils and erasers beside you go missing but other stuff you leave in the open are still there.

29) Sleep is a privilege, a rarity.

30) You get tired climbing up 3 flights of stairs, even though you do that almost everyday.

31) You are not the only person (anymore) who has reads manga like a bible.

32) You're given 4 weeks for a project, and everyone starts a few days before the due date.

33) You have sat in a classroom and discussed, in great detail, the significance of an ad in which a woman with soap is considered romantic and sexy.

34) You shouldn't show your figures2 sketchbook to anyone under 16 or over 60.

35) Alcohol is easily obtainable around your campus.

36) Your main topics outside of school are still about the school (assignments and all).

37) Out of the 30 people in your class, at least 27 of them are Chinese, and at least one of them wears the same clothes all the time.

38) You are verbally assualted for not paying attention while watching Byzantium, or Incognito. Or that flick about a transexual.

39) Waiting in line to print things is second-nature.

40) Lousy English is extremely common.

41) You have free entry to Sunway Lagoon. Well, till a few months ago.

42) You are told to "invest" in books and media, even when you're broke.

43) You can easily point out one point, two point and three point perspectives to anyone who cares to listen.

44) You notice that the circles under your eyes are a near permanent fixture.

45) It's impossible for you not to have problems with your student tag.

46) You get demoralized from seeing a drawing god do his work beside you.

47) Everyone has a laptop. If not, you're (almost) dead.

48) Guys wearing nail polish aren't a big deal anymore.

49) Your textbooks are full of pictures. Even the typography ones.

50) Your total school fees is enough to buy a small house.

51) Sunway Pyramid is now boring for you.

52) A world class school has third-world parking spaces.

53) You take smoke-breaks every chance you get.

54) Wikipedia is actually allowed as a source.

55. You actually start recognising different fonts, and remember their names too.

56. You know that the initials TOA stand for "Thousands of Assignments"

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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I hate being pressured.

Each time it happens, seriously. I get really annoyed when I'm told to do things a certain way, when I know that way isn't the best way, or isn't the way I'll do it.

Eh, you can click here to see a post I typed once about something similar.

Like I said, I get totally turned off when people want me to be something I'm not, or pressure me to do something in that way. I just stop responding properly, 'cause it's just a bloody nuisance to keep listening, to the same old lines, the same old things I hear all the time, said again and again. Yes, I know where you're coming from and what it means, but must there really be a reminder of the same lines over and over? I mean geez! Sometimes I hear it so often it starts to lose its meaning. It's not very inspiring too, especially put together with the rest of the context.

I know what I'm doing, and I don't need reminders. I've had plenty of experience, and trust me, 7 years is quite a long time for experience. Do I learn from my mistakes? Of course, I've made a hell lot in the past. But I also see what works, and what doesn't, and if I were in their shoes, how I would react. I've gone through every stage in the cellgroup, save leadership, 'cause I've said countless times, I hate being in leadership positions.

And even if your way was effective, it would be effective for you. Not me. Might it be? Well, based on experience, it rarely works. I've got my own way, and that's how I am. I will do something to improve, should it be in line with the way I am, or the way I do things. Of course, I'm not perfect, and the way I do things aren't the best of the best. And I will continue to learn int he future regardless. However, it's worked for me most of the time, and I've done it countless times. Also, as a guy, I know how guys react to other guys, and to what things. How girls interact with guys is different. If I did that, it'd be really gay of me, and it will get a negative response from them. I know what I'm doing. I've been doing it for many, many years. And I'm a guy, I know how guys perceive things. Also, telling me again and again to do something in the way you suggested, isn't that making me do things the way you want it to be done? I'm doing it. I will do it in my own way, in my own pace. Pressure me to do it faster, or in a manner that's not mine, in a way I'm not comfortable with and you will see an outcome that neither of us wants.

I'm no evangelist, definitely. In all my cellgroups in the past, I've never been a consistent person who brings friends. But I am excellent (if I do say so myself) in making friends with them, and integrating them into church. Do I succeed 100%? Of course not, but even if they do leave church, there's still a decent friendship there. At least. I know what to do, but being chided into doing something I know won't work, isn't the time yet, or not in the manner I do it is just plain annoying. I never like to insult people in front of their faces. Teasing, sure, but outright insults, are very rare. Arguments and conflicts aside, of course.

I hear tons of crap from people, to an extent I don't know what the hell their intelligence level is like. If they tell me some fact I know without a doubt is fake, I won't correct them. 'Cause if I corrected every single error I heard, I'd seriously be annoying to them, I'm sure. I mean, don't you find it annoying when you're constantly corrected, or hearing someone correct everything? I don't want to end up like that. If it's something I think I should speak up for, then I will, but if not, I'll just agree, nodding and such, although in my mind I'll place a mental note that you have no idea what you're talking about, and in the future I'll be careful to listen to what crap spouts from you. And although I won't judge a person by it, I will unconsciously think of them as less intelligent. Sorry, I don't mean any offence through that. I'm just being honest about how my head works.

I really appreciate all suggestions, seriously. But I get annoyed if it's being pushed and pressured onto me, and especially if I know it doesn't work. It might not be seen as pressuring to you, but it is to me. And if I were to tell you how, you might be inclined to see things from my point of view. However, I will not. 'Cause you most likely won't see it from my point of view anyway. And even if you did, you'd probably not understand why it annoyed me. Tell me once, or maybe twice if I forget. Tell me again and again, successively, for no damn reason, and I get pissed.

Sure, your intentions are good. But so many evils in this world done for good intentions as well.

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Sunday, September 6, 2009

Meh, I came back to KL on Saturday night. My dad dropped me off at Larkin and I got onboard the bus. Well, remember I mentioned that the trip down to JB was good, unlike all the times? Well, going up, it was annoying, unlike all my previous trips. There was some moron sitting behind me, who spoke with the LOUDEST voice! I mean, geez! Like when he was talking on the phone, his volume was at a level that wanted everyone to know he wore red underwear! Okay, I made that up, but you get my point.

Freaking nuisance. He also kicked my seat quite a few times too. Zzz. Anyhoo, I wanted to train up a bit back in KL, so I brought my weights from JB onboard. I wanted to bring the entire set (20kg total) but it was freaking tiring to carry all that with all of my luggage. Not to mention bringing it across half the country wasn't the pleasant thing to do. So I brought 10kg worth, which was still freaking tiring with all my luggage, and needing to take public transport and still go home from the station only made it worse. I think I had a workout like that!

Next morning I walked to the LRT station since there was no one at home. And on the way, it rained, heavily. Zzz. Luckily I was carrying a coat, so I covered my Bible, although I was soaked in the progress. I reached church just on time and attended the very final service. It was a special service, that weekend was the drama production "Will You Marry Me". Heh, about 4 girls and guys who have their love lives intertwined with each other. Kinda hard to explain, but it was very enjoyable. There was a lot less dancing than last year's drama, but story-line wise, it was much better. Also, since I attended the last service, which didn't have the special dance, I missed personal Cindy's dance. Awww...

Anyway, the next day was the church family day. It was like a mini carnival of sorts. There was also the blood donation drive. I went for it, heh, making it my 9th blood donation. They also told me not to play any sports or do any form of exercise in the next 24 hours. Of course, though... I'm a psyko, do I ever listen?

I went out of the church building for the rest of the other activities. I tried a few, but my favourite was the basketball. in 40 seconds, from a certain distance, shoot as many as you can. The current record was 14. I tried, and ended up with 10 only. I tried again, and got 8! So I stopped and watched the other cellgroup members play. Vonny ended up with 10, and Linda with 12! Heck, I wasn't gonna get beaten by a girl, so I played one more time. This time I focused really well, but at the same time I had a larger audience than before, which also made me nervous. So I shot the first one in, and continued, till I hit 15! Woots, I was the champion! And the roar of the crowd also felt damn nice. The best male and best female were supposed to challenge each other and the winner would get the prize. Since it was only Linda and I, a victory for either of us would have meant we shared the prize.

Then came in Patrick, some guy I don't know, but heard his name. He came in after the single gender part was done, but still asked for one more try (he's the one with the record of 14 earlier). He tried one time, and when he knew he couldn't win, he gave up before the time ended, making everyone go "Huh?" Then the time keeper gave him another chance, saying he had more time than what he thought. So he shot again, and repeated the same thing. Three times. Each time he got to try again (for free, I paid everytime I played). On the fourth try, he finally scored 16. Meh, what the hell. He and Linda competed he and won. Zzz. Cheap eh?

After that, I felt like collapsing. I've heard of people fainting and all, and I know a few friends who have. But I've always wondered, how does it feel like to faint? Are they that weak? Well, I had my first (almost) after the basketball. I was dead tired after my 3rd round, and I really felt like blacking out. Never felt this before, and I didn't expect a lack of one bag of blood to be that tiring. Pfft. It feels... like, you're super sleepy, but not in the yawning way. It's like, how a battery fades, you just slowly drift off into the dark. Something like that.

The next few days were at school, to complete some assignments. JT (no, not Justin Timberlake) would give me some assignments, a significant portion of which was tracing. So in the span of 3 days, I had to do 40 assignments. GEEZ! That's more torture than I had in the previous semester! And I managed to finish it too. I guess pressure really helps huh? I checked my results too, and ended up with straight B's.

I watched Final Destination 4 with Ruz on Friday. LOL! Freaking funny, all the deaths. Exaggerated and absurd, but gory. Just plain fun to watch all the deaths, nothing else. I went for the subzone combined meeting after, which was a bigger cellgroup meeting of sorts, to get to know some of the new friends better, and basically get to catch up with the people in our subzone.

After everything, a few of us were hanging around, doing stupid stuff. For example, Vonny giving me her hair.

You can go shoot yourself now ^^

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6:36 PM

Bring The Darkness Back

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Yes, yes, I know I'm seriously lagging on updates.

My trip back to Singapore was pleasant. Unlike my previous visits, where I'd try to meet as many friends as possible and cram my schedule, this time, it was much more personal. I visited a lot less friends than before, but had superb quality time with them.

It was also a little more sad than before, because I attended a funeral wake and visited a friend in the hospital, two things I'd rather not have happened.

Anyway, I'll make a post on the trip in a few days time. And also the weekend when I came back up.

That's 'cause I'm doing my figures now. Yeah, figures during the holiday, what the hell right? I need it for OTP. 20 tracings yesterday, and 10 today, all to be passed up within the next day. Geez!

Anyway, I saw a really thought-provoking quote.

Be aware that what you chase may not be worth catching

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Sunday, August 23, 2009

I was looking through a few websites, and saw this; actual statements made in job interviews. Lmao! If this is the competition I have, I'll surely get a job -.-.

Credits to AOL Jobs section. I'm copying and pasting directly from them.

"I'm not wanted in this state."
"How many young women work here?"
"I didn't steal it; I just borrowed it."
"You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment!"
"I've never heard such a stupid question."

Believe it or not, the above statements weren't overhead in bars or random conversations -- they were said in job interviews.

Maybe you were nervous, you thought the employer would appreciate your honesty, or maybe you just have no boundaries. Whatever the reason, you can be certain that you shouldn't tell an interviewer that it's probably best if they don't do a background check on you. (And yes, the hiring manager remembered you said that.)

We asked hiring managers to share the craziest things they've heard from applicants in an interview. Some are laugh-out-loud hysterical, others are jaw dropping -- the majority are both. To be sure, they will relieve anyone who has ever said something unfortunate at a job interview -- and simply amuse the rest of you.

Hiring managers shared these 43 memorable interview responses:
Why did you leave your last job?
1. "I have a problem with authority." - Carrie Rocha, COO of HousingLink

Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it
2. "The resolution was we were both fired."- Jason Shindler, CEO, Curvine Web Solutions

What kind of computer software have you used?
3. "Computers? Are those the black boxes that sit on the floor next to the desks? My boss has one of those. He uses it. I don't have one. He just gives me my schedule and I follow it." - Greg Szymanski, director of human resources, Geonerco Management, Inc

What are your hobbies and interests?
4. [He said] 'Well, as you can see, I'm a young, virile man and I'm single -- if you ladies know what I'm saying.' Then he looked at one of the fair-haired board members and said, 'I particularly like blondes.'" - Petri R.J. Darby, president, darbyDarnit Public Relations

Why should we hire you?
5. "I would be a great asset to the events team because I party all the time." - Bill McGowan, founder, Clarity Media Group

Do you have any questions?
6. "Cross dressing isn't a problem is it?" - Barry Maher, Barry Maher & Associates

7. "If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be?" - Megan Garnett, Articulate Leadership Team, Articulate Communications Inc.

8. "What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work if it's raining? Can you pick me up?" - Christine Pechstein, career coach

9. "I was a Chamber of Commerce Executive once hiring a secretary. [The candidate asked] 'What does a Chamber of Commerce do?'" - Mary Kurek, Mary Kurek, Inc. Visibility Consulting

10. "Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have someplace I have to go." - Bruce Campbell, vice president of marketing, Clare Computer Solutions

11. "What is your company's policy on Monday absences?" - Campbell

12. "If this doesn't work out can I call you to go out sometime?" - Christine Bolzan, founder of Graduate Career Coaching

13. "How big do the bonuses really get once you make associate? I hear it's some serious cash." - Bolzan

14. "[The candidate asked,] 'Can my dad call you to talk about the job and the training program? He is really upset I'm not going to medical school and wants someone to explain the Wall Street path to him.' The dad did call. Then that dad's friends called and I ended up doing a conference call with a group of concerned parents ... long story." - Bolzan

15. "If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?" - Bolzan

16. "When you do background checks on candidates, do things like public drunkenness arrests come up?" - Bolzan

17. "Can I get a tour of the breast pumping room? I heard you have a great one here and while I don't plan on having children for at least 10 or 12 years, I will definitely breast feed and would want to use that room."- Bolzan

18. "So, how much do they pay you for doing these interviews?" - Jodi R.R. Smith, Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting

Why are you leaving your current job?
19. "Because I (expletive) my pants every time I enter the building." - Abbe Mortimore, Human Resources Manager, True Textiles, Inc.

20. "I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes." - Smith

Why are you looking for a job?
21. "Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job." - Pechstein

22. "My parents told me I need to get a job so that is why I'm here." - McGowan

Why do you want to work for us?
23. "Just for the benefits." - Jennifer Juergens, JJ Communications

24. "My old boss didn't like me, so one day, I just left and never came back. And here I am!" - Matt Cowall, communications manager, Appia Communications

25. "I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, why not?" - Rebecca Gertsmark Oren, Communications Director at The Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity

What are your assets? (as in strengths)
26. "Well, I do own a bike." - Pam Venné, principal, The Venné Group

What are your weaknesses?
27. "I get angry easily and I went to jail for domestic violence. But I won't get mad at you." - Pechstein

28. "I had a job candidate tell me that she often oversleeps and has trouble getting out of bed in the morning." - Linda Yaffe, certified executive coach

29. "I am an alcoholic and do not deserve this job." - Deb Bailey, owner, Power Women Magazine & Radio Show

30. "I'm really not a big learner. You know ... some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that's just not me. I'd much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn't change a lot." - Michaele Charles, Voice Communications

When have you demonstrated leadership skills?
31. "Well my best example would be in the world of online video gaming. I pretty much run the show; it takes a lot to do that." - Rachel Croce

Is there anything else I should know about you?
32. "You should probably know I mud wrestle on the weekends." - Venne

When can you start?
33. "I need to check with my mom on that one." - Bolzan

Use three adjectives to describe yourself
34. "I hate questions like this." - Katrina Meistering, manager of outreach, National Fatherhood Initiative

Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it
35. "I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement." - Meistering

Have you submitted your two weeks' notice to your current employer?
36. "What is two weeks' notice? I've never quit a job before, I've always been fired." - Meistering

Random responses
37. "One guy [said] 'it would probably be best' if I didn't run a background check on him. Of course, I did, and learned all about his long, sordid past of law-breaking. Our client actually offered him a job as a staff accountant, but quickly retracted the offer when I had to tell them all about his recent arrest for a meth lab in his basement." - Charles

38. "[A] guy said he did not have a mailing address, as he was living in a gypsy camp at the airport." - Sandra L. Flippo, SPHR

39. "I went into the lobby to pick up a candidate. As he stood up, his trousers fell to the floor! [He said] 'Oh, my gosh -- they told me I needed a suit for the interview. I've got no money -- so I borrowed this thing. It's too big!'" - Beth Ross, executive and career coach

40. "Wow -- I'm not used to wearing dress shoes! My feet are killing me. Can I show you these bloody blisters?" - Bolzan

41. "May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night." - Smith

42. (During a telephone call to schedule the interview) "Can we meet next month? I am currently incarcerated." - Smith

43. "[A candidate] was asked whether he could advocate impartially on behalf of the various universities he would be representing since he had attended one of them. He responded, 'Well, I don't like to poop where I eat, but I thought my education sucked, so I certainly wouldn't put that school above the others.'" - Darby

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Bring The Darkness Back

Friday, August 21, 2009

I can finally post properly, thanks to my holidays. And more free time.

Anyway, for one thing, I'm back in Johor/Singapore! The trip down was my most comfortable ever. There were no inconsiderate morons, no loud mouthed idiots, no exploding gas tank and it was a non-stop ride, with no break at a bus station in between, which was a first. Oh, and bonus, there were two very pretty girls in the bus too! One was right in front of me, and another was quite far off, who got off at Larkin with me. This is the first coach that's had pretty girls. I've never seen a pretty girl in any of my previous rides before.

Well, on Thursday last week we went to KLpac to support Jessica's drama, titled Kaki Blue. It's about a trio of friends (one sissy guy, one short-tempered girl who's short and dreams of being a star, and a realy tall girl who's smart, but her mother just passed away) who graduate from secondary school but end up being chosen for NS. Add to the fact there's a sexy, naughty, bitchy girl called Soh Bee Chee. Yeah, serious. Say that out loud, and you'll get what I mean.

Anyhoo, the storyline was a little abrupt, jumping to many different scenes, and having a few characters that went off after a scene or two. Also was Bee Chee's sudden reversal into a friend of the short girl. Other than that, it was enjoyable, and entertaining.

Inside, there was this wall full of names of famous people in the various art scenes.

And guess what I saw...

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Bring The Darkness Back