WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH HER LATE AT NIGHT AND SHE HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS HER EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.
YOU READ HER TEXTS or INSTANT MSGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR HER VOICE.
WHEN YOU lOOK AT HER, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HER.
SHE'S ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.
YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM HER SCENT.
YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT HER.
YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HER, OR ANYTHING TO SEE HER.
WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve was missing!
You just scrolled up to check & are now silentely laughing at yourself.
i was laffing as i read the last thing... well, majority quite true.. as i've been thinking about frenships, trust and all that, its been leading me to think more about her as well..aye, i've really fallen for her..
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
i rarely rant in my blog... but i'm quite a mood to at the moment...anger? nah... more of disappointment, tho i can say i'm a little more than ticked off, u see, i know a lot of stuff about others, but it comes from concern, not from gossips... so when i'm trusted to know sth, i make sure i keep it quiet, and i dun discuss it unless i'm asked to by those trusted of whom the secret concerns. i know not everyone is like this, but i'm quite surprised at how few are at least to a decent standard... i mean i keep secrets for u, y should u spread mine? i readily say if u ask me sth about myself, then i will tell u, cuz i have no secrets if i'm asked. but thats if u ask... i mean jus cuz i tell ppl that i dun hide things if they ask me, does that allow u to spread things about me? i say i dun hide things from ppl if they ask me... if THEY ask me, that doesnt mean i go around telling ppl my secrets and stuff. i mean its my life, my personal life and its impt to me... i've told sth to isabel i've never told neone else in my entire life and its kept secret, but thats becuz it is a very personal and impt thing... i've told darren sth i've never told neone else also, and its still a secret cuz its also personal and impt... r they kept becuz they're actually true frens or becuz they're keeping sth thats quite impt to begin with? of course i hope its both, but if its a one-sided thing, then well i've got nth to say, but i give them both the benefit of the doubt, cuz they're my frens. i thot so for someone too.. i told someone sth that was also impt to me, yet it seems trivial to him and to the person he told..i mean i trust him, but the person he told, i dun trust as much.. mainly cuz i dunno her well, not cuz i'm unfrenly with her.. but he told her... he may think she's trustworthy, but i dun, esp someone who likes looking at the butts of everyone around her, she may not tell neone, then thats good, but for her character, its unsettling to me that she knows it, esp when she knows about the secret, who it involves, and the fact that it comes from someone i told and trusted. jus cuz it isnt a big deal to u doesnt mean its not a big deal to me...in fact its a very big deal to me, and tho i may joke about the matter and kid about it doesnt mean i dun take it seriously at all. ne secret i keep, whether big or small is kept to the fill if i'm told to keep it secret. if i'm not told to keep it secret then yes i wil discuss it when there's a moment to... so y can i respect ur wishes all the time while mine cant?
seems like its spreaded to other ppl too. i mentioned above that if i'm asked, i'll tell u... but i do have exceptions... an example is another guy, and i'm constantly being compared to him indirectly or sometimes even directly, and quite a few times in front of me.. i take it in good humour, cuz i've developed patience in my life with Christ, but over time, it gets extremely annoying. i've beaten u in bball b4... many times, yet everyone says he's better than me in that.. trivial stuff like my hair, clothings, and looks are also compared.. i dun mind, cuz everyone discusses it, but often i'm the only person to compare with him, as tho i'm the butt of a joke or sth.. and using me as an object to compare with him will bring the best humour... i dress the way i do becuz its the way i wanna be dressed.. i'm not like him, dressing for other ppl to praise him...if i wanted to i coulda done it easily.. but becuz i wanna look like that, i wanna be the same person i am in church be the same person everyone knows me as, i obviously dun have the fittest body around, but (becuz to everyone) this person looks better than me, everyone assumes he is fitter than me... and its not the fact of being fit or having a good body that i'm ticked off about, buw how ppl assume it cuz he looks oh-so-much-more-handsome-than-u'll-ever-look.. gee, talk about how far looks can get u... is he handsome? i used to think so, but over time as i got to know him better it faded extremely fast, and now i regard him as handsome to everyone else, but not at all to myself. i constantly work to be better than him, not in competition or directly, but cuz i want to for good purposes with nth in common to him. no one sees it, and i'm always put under him, in almost everything. he even seems to put himself above me, tho i know he's not aware, and that he's not intending it.. he asks me about my personal life all the time, and i used to tell him a lot, cuz he was a really good fren, but over time i realized that he closed up almost everything to me and din tell me nething while i told him plenty. i dun mind that for the short term, but in the long run i'm telling u everything, while u never tell me nething.. jus cuz ur above me in status (and not nemore so now) doesnt mean i must account every single portion of my life to u, and even as a normal fren, i expect a little give and take, i expect that u at least tell me a bit about urself while i do the same. even when i tell u all this stuff, i dun see ne concern.. u jus hear it, and make it sound as i'm the bad guy. i show concern, get a few thanks, but thats it.. i get nth else in return.. well, ur one of the ppl who i'm not gonna tell when u ask me... i say i tell neone who asks me directly, but ur a very major exception. u wanna close off personal stuff with me? fine, i'll do the same.. i'm constantly shoved under u, i dun wanna be above u, but at least on the same standard, do u know how freaking annoying it is to be shoved under u when deep down i know i'm better than u in that aspect? and its not me being cocky but i do know it inside, but i keep it quiet... i dun brag, cuz i'm supposed to be humble, and i've only bragged in joking terms, and i'm put down for that too, while when u talk about it, u get praised... where's the fairness in that? how can i share sth with u when i never get nething in return? y should i? accountability? r u gonna compare that with me also? that u always account but i dun? i'm not the guy who asks ppl to blog about him, jokingly or not, i'm not the paranoid guy who assumes things all the time..and even shoves off my opinions when i'm very sure its the correct thing and time later proves me rite... i dun assume things when i'm inquiring. i always get to the facts.. is the fact that i became closer to ppl that u thot were close to u having sth against me? i developed frenships and helped them change lives... they drifted off from u and even scolded u while i got closer to them... so i beat u in bball more than once.. i injured u accidentally, i even said sorry while u were blowing ur mouth off scolding me.. r u that petty to hold things against me? i hope not... but wat i've experienced is showing me that i'm getting closer to believing the former.
all the frens i make in my life are frens for some reason. some cuz i meet them and we're acquainted. some cuz they're in my cg or zone or church. others thru sports, card games, sometimes when i've gotten gals numbers, and many more ways. there's different lvls of where i put these frens.. i've got acquaintances, casual frens, good frens, god sis, god bros, brothers, very close frens but no best fren. to get a best fren both of the ppl need to readily make that agreement and make it known. i used to have best frens when i was younger, but that died off as we grew mature and in this age, while u may be very close to me, ur not my best fren, cuz no one acknowledges that with me. do i want a best fren? i'm not desperate for it, and i live perfectly fine without one.. after all its not a life changing thing.. but i wouldnt mind at all, who would mind? when i get a gal or sth then she'll be my best fren, bt i'm not looking into a relationship now neway, so thats out of the question. and while i may place them high on my mental "frens list" do they do the same? i dun think so for a majority of my frens...and its not that i'm immature and place them high on my frens cuz i'm despo and assume too much without knowing them much... i'm mature in that area.. i never like to put my frens in different lvls in front of them or other ppl cuz i dun want them to feel bad if i'm placed in a higher position in their "frens list" than i place them or i dun want them to feel bad that i place them higher than they put me.. but deep down in everyone's hearts, they know for sure who they rank as better or worse frens. thats y i like to make it mutual, tho its very hard to do that cuz i'd need to be a mind reader to keep it mutual with everyone i met. and this brings me back to the subject of how ppl take each other in their stride. is it becuz i'm placed low in ur frens list that it makes it easier to spread things about me without feeling guilty? or is it the fact that u dun even care at all about how i'd feel that ur spreading things about me when i tell u not to tell? if u place ur crushes and things above frenships, i understand... and even better if i at least trust them. but if its a person i dun trust for watever reasons i have, and u spread it to those kinda ppl, it goes to show how little u care, altho u may say in ur head u wun tell it to everyone, only those u can trust... wat if i dun trust them? say it in ur head all u want... but ur actions have already spoken. if u can consider it a sin that u've broken wat u've promised me by not telling, then read numbers 32:23. it will find u out... and i'm blogging all this cuz i've found out.
becuz i'm placed low in their frens list.. that may also make it sound as if i'm immature in their eyes. another guy who outrite guessed my secret.. i explicitly told him not to tell and told him wat my plans were to begin with. now this "plan" of mine is a mature plan.. i made this plan out of experience from wat has happened b4 and in order to stop a previous outcome that happened b4 to occur again.. but it seems like he din believe me at all. while i plainly typed out my plan in msn, he made it sound as tho i'd do contrary to wat i proposed. jus cuz u dunno me well and think i'm immature in ur eyes doesnt give u the damn rite to tell others. its natural to tell ppl u trust, and u made a few of those ppl explicitly known. funny y they ALL know the secret. gee.. is it ne wonder i was correct in my judgement to not tell u more than u asked? cuz the way u replied made it very well known that u din think i'd follow wat i said i would. wat, u dunno me.. who says i'm not up to par in following wat i'd said i would? u barely know me at all...in fact u dunno me at all except for wat u guessed outrite...and it makes u alrite to assume i'm immature in ur eyes? or is that wat u've heard from other ppl? that i'm not mature enuff to keep my OWN promises? great... if that was the case then i'd need to find out more and find out who said that. if not, i dunno y u'd assume i cant keep my own promises... i respect the wishes of others all the way.. common sense would tell u that i can do the same for myself as well...that never gave u the damn rite to tell others about it! and it doesnt matter how close or how mature they are to u.. i may trust them to a certain extent, but i dunno ne of them well and had my reasons for not telling them. and the fact that one of them asked me outrite seemed very obvious u had told her already. i'm guessing from her reaction elsewhere that she believes u, or takes ur perspective of me as immature that i cant follow my own promises well as fact. but when i told her about the plan (i din need to tell her my secret, u did a pretty good job of that already) she at least made it seem as she believed me better than u. then again, it was thru msn, and so i cant assume too much thru coloured letters. but u made it freaking obvious that u din think i could keep my own word. when i meet ppl i dunno i dun assume they cant keep their promises, cuz i'm no no position to judge them... THEN WHO THE HELL GIVES U THE RITE?!
everyone i've mentioned above... do they have sth against me? is the fact that i'm not well known make it a good case to assume things about me? even worse so they know me quite well but still abuse that trust neway. i've got my reasons for telling ppl things or keeping it from them. and i know how to balance it properly, who to tell and who not to tell... i did that last time and same case, trusted ppl spread it.. to a point i lost a fren... i kept this secret for 4 mths.. 4 mths! i din tell neone at all but went along the lines of wat ppl assumed about me and no one knew at all... i became more honest and decided not to keep secrets cuz ppl spread them nonetheless, so i mite as well let the ppl know...but only if they asked me directly... and i had exceptions neway, cuz i'm not gonna go around telling ppl i cant trust or have reasons not to trust about my personal life... in this case, i told 4 ppl i trusted... it was still kept, and when one of the 4 told someone, at least i knew about it, in fact, i was there when she told her. cuz i trusted her well and so did my fren who told her, i din hold ne grudges cuz i din mind... and that i trusted her well in the 1st place also was a point that i din mind. ah, but how about u? the one i mentioned in the previous paragraph... i din trust u cuz i din know u well, and even worse u assumed so much about me... gives me way more reason to not trust u at all in the future. and u who like looking at ppls butts all the time, so wat if ur one of the prettiest around? does u having a great figure makes it alrite to diss others about their body? one guy dissed by u tried to keep it within humour, but i could see that he din know how to reply at all, and i dunno u well to begin with, so i couldnt assume that u were trustworthy, but the way u present urself shows to me how much i can trust u to begin with neway. and the guy u like told u in the 1st place.. he may trust u, but like i mentioned, i dun, cuz i dunno u well to begin with, but that u spread it with him gives more proof that my judgement is much more accurate than i thot. that u spread it to someone already shows how little u care about how impt it is to me.
looks like i needa think more about who i trust. normally when a person is high on ur "frens list", it means u trust them more also... well i guess i've got exceptions... i may regard u as a good fren but can jus screw away the trust becz of wat u've done. of course those of u innocent i will trust u depending on how high i regard u with various aspects... i've got no reasons to not trust ppl if they've done nth wrong. i've no reason to diss ppl if they knew about the secret cuz they were actually concerned. when i've asked about sth cuz i was concerned, they said no gossips... but it seems like they have no qualms gossiping about me... there's no concern at all in spreading this... spreading it has no good that comes out of it. well actually, the only good is that i've found out how wrong i was in putting trust in u guys. i used to think i was a good fren to most ppl. i used to think i helped in their problems. i used to think i changed lives and helped give guidance, whether natural or spiritual. i used to think that when i was entrusted to their secrets, they would do likewise. i used to think that ppl would place proper judgement on frens they din know well. i used to think that those i'd die for would do the same (this is THE most wrong i was). based on how i've been treated and how little regard they have for my personal life, seems like i'm a very bad guy who's worthy in their eyes of spreading wat they know about me to other ppl...i guess i'm a bad fren to all of u rite? after all, i doubt u'd spread things that ur bestest and closest frens told u. but it'd be perfectly alrite to spread things about some guy who's a bad fren and isnt good except to be used in the punchline of a joke. those i've mentioned above, u'll know who u r, and a few of them read my blog. some dun even know i have a blog. i dun expect this post to change ppl on how they'll place imptance on how they take my secrets. after all, a frenship with them din stop them from telling my secrets away to ppl, who says a blog post will?
since they've got no qualms mentioning out my secrets, i mite as well tell it out, in coded form of course...
see the alpha of the false stanzas
she's ferdinands wife excluding the omegas
without the unneeded ends
the most famous in the time
its clear who it is
if u know european history well, it should be dead easy for u... mite as well give major clues about it since a lot less ppl than i assumed have no respect for my secrets to begin with.
and i do not despise neone i mentioned.. i do not hate neone i mentioned.. and i dun expect myself to have grudges with neone mentioned. if they wanna have grudges with me for wat they've done, well.. i've got nth to say.. but i jus wanna rant about it... to make known that i know a lot more than wat neone ever assumes. i'm still frens with everyone i've mentioned, and i'm not intendin to change how i view the frenship, cuz thats quite low for neone. i still am frens with them, tho ultimately how i perceive them in trust will be changed. and i'm not scolding neone up there, i'm jus ranting. about wat i know and how i feel...thats the brilliance... u dun hide things yet ur not well known... u act like u know nth when in fact u know much more than u should....
Chronicled
11:47 AM
e l e g y
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
pfft.. seems like i needa type provoking statements to get ppl to tag in my blog -.-.. and since i've been a little more "updated" on wat goes around my blog like who reads it and stuff, here's an edited version.. jus to keep u all happy.. lol
1)debbie (u jus told me u wun do it -.-)
2)gary (u tagged in my other blog to tell me u wouldnt do it -.-... zz, use IE, rmb that!)
3)eleanore (u did say ur sick of these stuff and wouldnt do it =p)
4)isabel (fine.. so u read my blog, but u've only tagged like twice only! plus i know u wun do this also, lol)
5)huizhen (eh, same excuse.. except u've tagged at least 2 more times than the big bell ringing above u =x)
6)olivia (eh, same as ur sis, except u've tagged less than her =/)
now thats more honest rite? =x
haha... okok.. i havent been home in the last few days cuz i've been stayin in dexters place and at the moment, juswin's... lol, but i'll go onto that later... sunday i went for the ktv singing thing held by our zone... they'd play a quick portion of a song, then ur group would have to jump up and if we were the 1st one to jump, we'd go up and sing the song and we'd get a point... lol, well in the end i could see that no one (except for jace) really put in effort to sing.. they either went up there to mumble out the lyrics or dance for us.. lol... aye, well there was a mini manhunt session also, and my group all pushed me to go! zzz... except eleanore.. who was literally dragging juswin off his chair =x so off i went.. and all of the guys chosen had to pose! lol... i jus gave an act kool pose.. i had no idea wat to pose for neway =/, james shoved his slipper to the camera tho.. lol, ah well, for singing it was really pathetic, except for jace who put in effort, but as for fun, it was very enjoyable nonetheless... i'll post the pics once i get them back.. i received them then forgot to save them b4 reformatting my com -.-
the next week i spent the majority of the 1st 2 days of the week at adrians place doing my flash portfolio.. and at the time of this typing, its done! woots... i jus need a host and u can see it.. its quite a minor one tho, one click leads to a page with a brief intro, another to some of my art work whic i've done and another to show my skool assignments... and an extra button.. which says "don't click me!" i'm sure the teacher will click neway.. and enjoy that scary face i've put up =/ but the real majority of the week was spent in eleanore's house.. my dad wasnt coming home netime soon and he din want me carrying around my laptop around without him driving me back, so i was asked to stay in a frens place.. last week was dexters and this week was the siblings house... juswin's and eleanores... lol, their parents said i was welcome netime and i really appreciated it, but its not nice to stay for too long witout giving nething in return, so yea, its better if i still go back home neway.. and face the traffic jams, the customs officers, gangsters outside, the transvestites and prostitutes, the long bus home, the 30 min walk back home... haha.. i can deal with it...
nehoo, thurs i went to isabels house to help her, huizhen and eleanore do their debate... which they backed out on that day (tho they rejoined the next day -.-) so basically went to her house and give the basics of debating and how to counter, how to use examples and so and so.. well, that was b4 they told me they were backing out and i played games for the majority of the day there... zzz, i was so damn tired from the previous nite... for the 4 days i spent there, every nite i slept at around 5, talking with either juswin or eleanore (or both) about tons of stuff, our pasts, secrets (hey olivia and isabel.. TIME! lol) and a LOT of spiritual stuff... i dun think i've shared so much of spiritual stuff to neone b4 =/ ah well... it was good fellowship neway, haha.. evening time on thurs we went off from isabel's place where i was given a really bad stare from her grandmother (neone reason y?!) and went off to jurong church with olivia who arrived. well, we helped her practice the drama she was supposed to act in later on.. and i din wanna practice my singing (YEA, dun laff!) in front of them, so when we arrived at jurong church i jus signed up and waited for my turn... we arrived at 7.30.. i only got to get in the audition room at 1030 and sang at 1045... well, jace was after me, but she sang the chorus straight with a good start, but messed up...john (clara's bf) sang well but they cut him off short quite suddenly b4 or after the chorus i dunno.. cuz he was singing david tao's hokkien song, clara sang well but was also cut off rite after the chorus, michelle sang well and sang a bit more after the 1st chorus b4 they cut her off... and who's next? me! crappy... zzz, i thot diversal union was gonna set up fast... but they kinda took their own sweet time which led to me singing 1st.. zzz, so yea, i took the mic and gave a brief intro and the song i was gonna sing... guess wat? I MESSED UP! ok, not in terms of singing or the lyrics, but i was so freaking nervous that i was on the verge of stuttering every line i sang and according to most ppl, i sang well but too soft.. well, i only sang the intro.. i was about the warm up for the chorus when they cut me off.. lol, oh well... i sucked terribly in singing...eh, dun hide the insults ok, i know i sang bad enuff to hurt ur grandmother's eardrums. honesty is the best policy.. esp when i support that i sang BAD.. HA
next day was cg at bel's place again.. there was supposed to be a prayer meeting and i thot i could attend but i had to go to skool to pass up my portfolio to getin into yr2 multimedia.. andrew was supposed to help me pass it up but when he went offline the previous nite i suppose i had no choice but to pass it up myself.. well in he comes and says he can help again, lol.. so i jus passed it to him by email... efficient =p, my portfolio was done! over and done with! i slept at 4am the previous nite adding in the final scenes cuz tha actionscripts wouldnt work -.-... cg at bel's place and i came early.. placed cs 1st =x.. then thats when me, jonfong and parry talked about time! LOL.. its a joke, and some person who's blogger signing-off name is jingle bells isnt gonna know! esther wun know either =x... ahem, neway, cheekiong preached about.... eh, about... eh.. oh ya, a different spirit in us that really makes an impact and a difference around us... i stayed over for my final nite at juswin's and eleanore's place again, but not b4 eating at mac with my treat.. haha, met isaac there too, and he gave an hr long talk about business and investing...aye, an eye opener, tho i've known much of wat he talked about already.. plus he's also good at graphics designin... hmm, more thots into this field again... nehoo, to the lim family, thanx for the hospitality!
next day we took a cab down to expo for discipleship, given by cedric koh... good msg, but i forgot wats it about =/, haha.. sorry =x, i wrote it down neway... michelle gave us another discipleship about the status of the cg, well, no comments there... nth new, except jessica permed her hair, jiajia came back for one day and pst phil pringle came for the svc! good msg by him, mainly about our future, prayer, how we relate to Jesus and the Holy Spirit and such... very diverse msg, and a very nice one too...went down for fellowship at bk and went off back home.. home sweet home.. ok, not so sweet, but its still home, home sorta sweet home =x
sunday i stayed at home and slept peacfully.. for the 1st time since my hols started.. at long last!! i slept at 1am and woke up at 6pm... zzz, my body really needed a rest, haha.. well, watever.. monday i also stayed at home.. the training for soccer was starting on tues so i told everyone to self train a bit at home... i din have ne soccer stuff, so i jus lifted some weights.. 18kg is getting too light already =/, i need heavier weights.. and my right arm's muscles is way bigger than my lefts.. its laffable, HAHA...like one normal sized and the other so small... zzz, did some push ups after that, then sit ups... they're still ok... squats were painful but still alrite... zzz, i havent exercised since playing bball 3 mths ago...aye, i needa start working out again.. i lost my 4 pec AGAIN! eat and eat and eat.. not bad getting 4 pecs for eating all the time with bball... lol
tues went for training... well.. if u can call it training.. i left the house wearing mostly bball attire, lol, cuz i have no soccer attire, then went to np... cedkoh, darren, karnex and jonathan were there 1st.. we were about to play a bit.. when suddenly karnex's ball burst.. LOL, it sounds bad rite? LOLOLOL... his ball burst.. HAHAHA.. ok, sorry, but joshua heard it over the fone he's like WAT... LMAO... lol! i mean karnex jus couldnt say the soccer ball burst.. he had to say his ball burst.. LOLOLOLOLOL, i'm laffing in real life as i'm typing =x, so he asked josh to buy a new ball and he'd pay for it.. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.... i was laffing the whole time this was being said.. he jus made it sound so wrong! aye... in the end me and ced left np for a while to buy a new ball for karnex... nicely stiched and with the italian champs of the world cup designed into the ball....LOL, soccer ball ok! no donors needed -.-.. came back and played with some strangers on the street soccer court.. well, i cant say i was too happy.. i nearly collapsed, i had my eye poked, i injured my kneecap badly.. aye, wat a violent team -.-.. when i got injured the guy who injured me din say sorry.. his teammate did -.-..zzz, ah well, we lost 6-4 in the end... mainly cuz karnex was nervous and pressured.. he let in 3 balls in a row, then later 2 in a row and a last one where he jus passed to the opponent -.-.. bro, work harder!
the security guard shooed us off after tho, cuz the street soccer court was under renovation but we still played, so while we took a break, waited for kwokweng and zhengxuan and josh and zhixian, i got a leg cramp, and when i took off my shoes and socks, my toes were bleeding! brilliant.. jus wat i need.. aye, pain pain pain... after waiting quite some time, all of them arrived and we went to the hostels area to play soccer.. no offence, but again, karnex messed up.. once the lights were off we went off tho.. kept dissing karnex about his busted balls and talked about the nutcracker.. LOL
arrived home and took a super long shower to wash away the blood and jus to bask in the clean warmth of water.. not the dirty warmth of my sweat... zzz.. well after clearing up the blood from around my body, i laid down in bed and reformatted my com... reformatted my external hard disk 1st, which had 17GB worth of viruses inside!! wth!! zzz, i copied and pasted everything into my laptop and when i cleared evrything 17gigs of stuff was still inside.. zzz, its no wonder the skool coms are freaking laggy.. zzz, once i reformatted my external hard disk i copied back everything i needed into the hard disk and reformatted it.. installed the updates plus SP2....my lappy's back to normal!
woke up at 3 today to meet up with kohwee for our 1st keyboarding lessons.. well, we met up in cwp 1st and ate and hung around... then went off for our keyboarding lessons.. well, besides a long wait for the bus, the driver was super slow -.-.. which ended up with us getting off and taking a cab, where we were still 15 mins late.. aye, not a good 1st impression.. well our classmates are 2 women... definitely into their twenties... aw man, was hoping for more of our age pretty gals =x.. haha, nah.. doesnt matter...they were frenly enuff.. i learned some stuff that i knew b4, like treble and bass cleft, then learned some new things.. like the "c" key in the piano was actually in a diff place than i thot for the last 14 yrs, and that while hitting keys on a keyboard is easy... keeping co-ordination of ur hands is freaking difficult when i actually needa focus.....wanna try? for ur rite hand, thumb is 1, pinky 5.. u should know the other numbers.. then left pinky is 1, thumb is 5.. common sense should tell u wat to do.. now with ur left, go like this: 12345345 and with ur rite hand go 12312345... jus imagine a keyboard is there and u needa move in a left to rite fashion.. like "do re mi" with both hands using those fingers in that sequence.... those were the 1st notes we learned... so this means this is supposed to be super basic.. like for those dummies, u know? well, if that sounds easy, try to both of them at the same time.. YEA, thats my job.. to master exercise 3 by next week, which is a combination of the 2 steps i mentioned earlier, to play them in tandem not neccesarily fast, but steady and firmly... good luck to me.. zzz, i messed up nearly everytime i tried the combo.. but at least so did the 3 of my classmates.. haha... rite hand no prob, left is hard.. a combination? zzz, keyboarding.. keyboarding..
oh ya, i could barely walk today.. every step i took ached my legs... and i injured my left leg by walking into the table -.-... zzzz, how can i play soccer like this?!
ah well.. finally posted.. quite a long one... haha, my old style... tml got magic gang outing, soccer training and then fellowship with my cg! nitez all!
PS.
debbie, u always skip paragraphs!
gary, i doubt u'd read this far =p
eleanore.. eh, u read, but i've never known how much u read... hmmm
isabel, u said u read, but i've been posting short stuff b4. lets see if u read this!
huizhen, eh, same as above?
olivia... same as ur jingle bell sis =x
and to provoke some ppl to tag...
eh.. i dunno who -.-, who reads my blog? TAG!
oh yea.. reason i havent posted lately is cuz i've been debating! lol.. yea! so eleanore, isabel and huizhen, here's some 1st hand debating i've done... at least i'm actually doing it instead of jus telling u guys about it...if u guys have got nth better to do, go to my links, go down all the way to the bottom, find a link called bondevia, enter the website, to the left there should be a title link called "my thots on religion" or sth like that..if not find the archives for the mth of march and once u find it, click it, read wat he posted and go down to see the various comments.. he's giving reasons y he doesnt believe in ne religion, but u can easily see he's jus saying y he doesnt believe in Christianity... i commented to back up Christianity.... well, enjoy...lol, and for ne of u who've actually read this far... and are also free, check it out also, and comment... aye, its getting interesting... now really nitez all... uh, mornz.. its almost 6am =/
Chronicled
5:50 PM
e l e g y
Sunday, March 11, 2007
havent done these in a while.. so thot i'd jus put them in... i was "tagged: neway, by szemin -.-, lol
6 weird things about me
hmmm....
1) i'm a Christian, yet like darkness... i walk in the light, but i like to be in the dark....i have faith, yet doubt...i help to strengthen others in faith and in God, but am not that strong myself, there's no night in heaven, but i love the night
i'll leave u to figure out wats real and wats figurative... lol... the great thing is that no one knows me well at all even tho i hide nth from them... its a really interesting irony.. haha
2) here's a humourous one... i cant walk straight... LOL, seriously! look at me walk carefully and u'll see that i dun walk straight... a little left, a little rite... i jus noticed this a while ago =/
3) i wake up with cuts quite often... bloody ones at that.. pfft.. never know how i get them =/
4) my hair grows so fast its obscene... cut my hair short and within 2-3 weeks it'll be as long as b4 it was cut... lol... dun ask me.. keeps me from looking like an idiot with a bad haircut for too long =x
5) i like jolin!!! and her songs.. even tho i dunno chinese... lol... pretty face with good tunes... who can resist?
6) i tend to test the limits of stuff i dun really believe in.. examples include consuming iron II sulphate to see whether its really poisonous, cutting myself and pouring acid on my wound to see if it hurts (jus so u know, i was on the floor after i did that), and the last-time-me tried many ways of so called tried-and-true suicide techniques... with the exception of jumping off a building (or recently, the mrt) i found that none kill!
we gotta tag 6 others... well, here they go
1)debbie
2)gary (i know u wun do it)
3)eleanore (i know ur sick of these stuff, so u wun do it)
4)isabel (u dun read my blog, so u wun do it)
5)huizhen (same excuse as above, lol)
6)olivia (same as above, which is the above above =x)
Chronicled
11:57 AM
e l e g y
Saturday, March 10, 2007
an old quote from pst sy rogers that really impacted me, and really is sth nice... not to mention it shows sth that God totally does
It doesn't need to be perfect for me to love it
and as for me, goes without saying too, in other terms
she doesnt need to be perfect for me to love her
sth i wanted to say quite a long time ago but never really did cuz it affects her too... ice queen, i no longer love u... at long last... my feelings for u died.. God dealt with them overnite... He wasnt early again, but He did it rite on time.
so, ice queen, i no longer love u, since a long time ago... i jus thot i'd make it public, since like i said, i'm honest... i never hide stuff from ppl, so.... can we be frens again? in my goal setting card, one of my goals for 2007... fix back 2 frenships i've lost.... i certainly hope ur one of the fixed ones
jus a little treat for the rest since the ice age is over...the beginning of the blizzard
Chronicled
4:58 PM
e l e g y
ok.. lol, i had no nitemares on that nite i typed the post... in fact, sth quite opposite happened instead... its really a miracle.. read on...
but 1st, a little update.. on thurs when i was walking back home there was a blackout in the tampoi area -.-.. i was crossing the overhead bridge when the lights suddenly shut off.. the entire tampoi area! thata huge i tell u... i had to use my fone flashlight and shine it on the steps while goin down the overhead bridge... zzz, then i walked all the way back home.. imagine.. 30 mins of almost pitch darkness! woots! lol... it was creepy, but it was very satisfying as well... in a place with so much light and bright stuff, its a rare chance for u to actually walk in the kool of the night... ah well, it was enjoyable... oh ya, b4 that went to eat carls junior after going to the IT fair at suntec city... with yangsheng, minkuan, adrian and wayne.. aye, jus to quote a memorable quote: (me referring to the fountain of wealth when the water wasnt full blast) "the biggest fountain in the world? thats it?" LOL
alrite.. so friday i woke up, PE in the morn was cancelled cuz of the tables and chairs in the hall... so i din mind... woke up later, but i still woke up quite late neway, lol... considered overslept for the 2nd lesson, which was quite pointless to attend in the 1st place... here's where the full miracle of God's promise took place.. u see while i was in the prayer meeting, i stayed behind all the way cuz i really wanted to seek God more, and yea i really did seek Him during the prayer meeting, more than i have in weeks i'll admit.... so this verse "seek 1st the kingdom of God and all things shall be added unto u" kept going thru my head, and that verse, plus me wanting to seek God more... really led me to stay behind... at the risk of being grounded.. which jus so happened and i must say i wasnt too happy.. i was like hey, i seeked God 1st, i felt like the Scripture was more like seek 1st the kingdom of God and u shall be grounded... seriously, i wasnt happy... but hey God's timing is perfect, even if i may not see it at the time.. on fri morn since i was late my dad asked to have a chat with me.. he told me that since i needed to go to adrian's place to do my portfolio and that my exam was on monday, i mite as well stay over in s'pore from fri till mon... do watever i want, jus make sure i do well for my portfolio and exam.... he grounded me 3 days prior and here i was being "set free"... perfect timing... all things really were added unto me when i seeked Him 1st... jus at the perfect timing, which i din see b4hand.. now tell me that
isnt a miracle...
so yea, went to skool late, no point as i went off almost as soon as arriving and went to adrians place to do my portfolio with andrew.. most of the time we were playing games =x, but we did do a significant part of our portfolios.. my splash page is alrite... buttons and movie clips work, jus the co-ordinates got probs.. its really quite sth to take up.. bt if i can host it or sth i'll try to show it... its really nice... creepy music too... we were planning to scare the teachers with the flash =x
went off to cg straight after that, at isabel's place.. not fair! she lives nearby a street soccer court, bball court, highway (??), mrt, mac... i live in a place where u can walk around in a black out and ur nearest bus stop is 30 mins away, ur nearest coffeeshop is 25 mins away and there's no sun (nor rain for that matter) shelter... craps! great cg neway.. cuz it concerns the entire cg i cant say too much, but nething involving me i'll never hide from ppl if they ask, and i can say that the unity is really building from last time...aye, i went to dexter's place to sleepover.. man, its so nice not to rush back home all the time... we played warcraft with gary and robin and kenneth till 5am!
next day was svc.. had discipleship b4 that tho.. by cedkang... he already said it'd be a light one that was loose and informal.. altho it was loose and informal, it was impacting... yes to a certain someone... discipleship is to learn, but having a serious discipleship all the time with no humour but strong msg is powerful, but one light hearted discipleship that was imparted really well unto us with a good msg nonetheless... i dun see y it never impacted u at all... but hey, its not in my authority (nor neone elses) to say wat should be affecting u or impacting u
nehoo, sy rogers came for svc today... and altho it was much less humourous than b4, it was still very impacting, yet with good doses of humour inside... and i can see he's really grown in anointing.. huge i mean.. i could really notice a difference from last time.. not to say he wasnt anointed last time but i could sense he's grown from glory to glory... during altar call so many ppl cried.. aye, it was really powerful presence of God today.. even a case (or cases.. i din go down) of deliverance.... and man, that brings back memories of 3 spirits cast outta me last time...
read my spiritual blog to find out more about that.. i better update that blog too, plus my checkpoint blog.. my song blog can take a break till i write another song.. haha... well, its almost 6am now... better go off to sleep... still got to go for wat singing thing tml... lol, GT zone
oh ya.. for those who know wat i'm talking about... to save my breath:
pool
eng chess
talentime - songwriting, vocals
essay
preaching
print ad design
bball
soccer
captains ball?
paintball
cs?
dota?
debate
winning eleven
POS
Chronicled
4:04 PM
e l e g y
Thursday, March 8, 2007
http://fizzlebot.com/sinthai/thehouse.htm
Chronicled
2:47 PM
e l e g y
aye, not much to blog about lately, except for the fact that i got grounded again cuz i came home late from the prayer meeting.. zzz, they said it'd end at 9.30... ended at 10+.... i din wanna leave halfway, but seeing as how it'd be better, i shoulda... but then again, i did wanna seek more of God's presence in the prayer meeting, which was exceptionally powerful neway.. i wasnt even tired at all
mad rush back home and i still was 45 mins late from the time i said i'd be back... zzz, i felt like time was against me the whole time.... its like when u want mrts to come, they mins u needa wait is obscene, the buses u needa wait, also dun come fast, when u wanna walk faster, some slow guy is gonna walk in front of u, and when i go left to cut him, he'll head left, when i go rite, he heads rite, till i needa jus bump into them and let them know i'm trying to pass.. then they'll mutter under their breath while u go off....typical stuff, but when ur actually trying to rush back, its freaking annoying
aye, nth much in skool, jus finished the linking of the html page plus the asp page, all done! project finished.. jus needa worry about final exam which my class jonathan hasnt passed the notes for -.-... then doing portfolio with adrian and andrew tml.. see if we can finish it off straight.. flash is damn annoying, but it makes good results, i'll admit
altho nth much has been happening in real life, i cant say the same for my dreams.. i've been having the same dreams for the last 6 days...its bits and pieces all mixed up, but here's the general "storyline" if thats the word
1st i see gary directing a photoshoot, and evrything freezes when he says cut, when he says action, i see a butterfly go past
then i see isabel crying over some guy in a hospital, his body extremely injured, she looks sullen after she stops crying and looking at him
that fades off to cedric koh singing at a wedding of 2 ppl i cant rmb the faces of in the dream...
then i see some guy in black, with those bluetooth earpieces, he's speaking in it, saying that its complete soon
then it fades to black, where i'm falling out of the sky (???) and drop to the ground, i dunno where, i jus know i'm dropping and when i hit the floor, i jolt on my bed in real life, where i'll find a new cut on myself... yea -.-, i've been discovering a few new cuts on myself after every repeat of this dream, 2 on my rite shoulder, one on my rite arm, one on my rite hand middle finger and 2 on my chest... zzz, i dun mind it too much cuz they're minor cuts... but hey who wants to wake up to find blood on themselves -.-... the weird thing is that this dream keeps repeating itself.. i'm typing this march 9 2007 at around 3am.. so if i sleep again, am i gonna have this dream? lets find out.... i'm off to sleep, nitez all
Chronicled
2:38 PM
e l e g y
Monday, March 5, 2007
zzz... here's a post jus to keep all of u happy... lol, zzz, it hasnt been an easy week
lets see.. last week, on my mind: phase test, networking practical assigment 6, IWAD project, networking class test, final networking exam, multimedia portfolio to decide yr2 specialization.. zzz, who's think ite would make us work so hard eh?
freaking stressed... but of course God helped me tremendously.. at the time of this writing.. (uh, typing), phase test over! i was in a blank mind when i came to the com lab.. no idea wat to do, then it was only me and yaoyang doing the phase test.. we're supposed to have groups of 4.. zzz, after i prayed suddenly i typed out everything needed and answered almost every single question in the test...i din even know half of wat i was entering into the hyperterminal... shoulda prayed for yaoyang too.. cuz after i did my own router config, i din know how to config hers... LOL
networking practical assignment 6 jus finished today with the packet tracer.. zzz, hated it, din pray.. no surprise
iwad project jus completed today also! woots! thank God.. the deadline was last week.. we're supposed to present tml or wed.. well, at least my part (and mingyang's) was done.. design... only andrew left for the aspx codes... a little joke.. asp stands for a simple page.. LOL, its freaking difficult! if i copied and pasted it here.. aye, u'd be freaked
networking class test tml.. which is y i'm staying up.. study overnite.. zzz, a bad habit i have, but for some reason i do better in my tests whenever i study last min instead of studying b4hand.. dun ask me y.. i also did that for o lvls.. not bad for a slacker eh, i slacked, slept and barely paid attention (unless ms koeh was around) and i did better than majority of my classmates who all worked so hard.. HAHA.. sorry =x.. i studied about 3 pages so far... hmm.. the test tml is based on 11 modules =x, oh well.. God help me
the networking final exam is next week.. my only exam and i'm on hols.. woots... its based on ccna1, which was the older module.. the class test mentioned above is ccna2.. zzz, oh well
and my portfolio...basically "brag" about urself and show off wat skills u have in multimedia applications... here's a little of wat i've done...
thats the city of toronto btw.. where i was born.. lol.. jus made a fresco outta the city skyline
here's a design i made for my cg songsheet.. every week i'm supposed to design the songsheet and it'll be printed out for cg meetings.. well, i usually add a stylish design of my cg, n337 in it.. so yea, there's jus one example
i could put more..but as my habits are, i still gotta study.. even a bit, and posting up pics for everyone isnt my idea of studying -.-.. i can post them up later on.. lol, this is jus a taste of my graphics designing... which i've been having considerable thot lately =x
oh well.. i'm off to study.. here's an update at long last on wats up.. hha, i'll update the cny pics and posts later on.. they're saved as drafts for now =/
enjoy the pics!
nitez all
Chronicled
12:39 PM
e l e g y
Thursday, March 1, 2007
hehe..... finally blogging.. been lazy lately to update... but i've been working hard on other stuff! getting hongbaos, going around visiting frens and relatives... gaming.. eh, well i did study for my skool phase test and have been working on my portfolio lately, i need it to go to yr2 multimedia... or else i'll be sent to networking... and i have to say, altho i'm doing better in it than multimedia, i hate it...zzz, mite as well do sth i like than be stuck with sth i dun like.... lol.. so yea... here's cny in a really short nutshell
went around enjoying our hongbaos given by the relatives.. went to kl, kluang and area for the bai nian and stuff... alot to rmb, but nth to blog, since most of u wun get it, hha... plus many hrs worth of traveling... aye, i'm not gonna blog about the 3 accidents we saw, the 5 cars destroyed in one accident, the guy still in the car with a sullen fac while his car was being towed away and half his hood was missing rite?
whoops.. i jus did... jus had the normal traditions as we do every yr, greeting each of our immediate family and extended family b4 taking the hongbaos.. eldest to youngest generation... winston came back and he brought 2 frens... one's john, vietnamese graphics designer.. which i'm thinking of following in his field... plus winstons boss... hahaha... nice eh, bring ur boss to ur annual gathering =x
good time celebrating cny plus my 2nd uncles bday
gong xi fa cai all, shen ti jian kang!
Chronicled
8:12 AM
e l e g y
