Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Aye... just came back from a church-wide prayer meeting. And wow... it was great today.
Today we had advertising principles, and the lecturer shared with us some street smarts of the advertising world. Heh... pretty interesting stuff. Later on we had CGPP, and bloody hell, the marking is freaking stringent. If you mess up just one portion of a certain section, you get zero straight. Aiks. Because of that, from a possible 96%, I ended up only getting 76%, meaning I had two sections wrong. They were pretty mild mistakes too! Aiks!
Anyhoo, later on Zi Yuan and I went to buy the movie tickets, and walked around Pyramid chatting about everything under the sun. We settled in Starbucks' big comfy chairs and just chatted for hours. Heh... went off later for the prayer meeting. I had helped to settle and arrange the transport for all the members, but he had forgotten about me! Lol...
Anyway, during worship, we knelt down, and it's been so long since we've kneeled down in unison while just dwelling in God's presence. It was just great. It wasn't a super heavy thick atmosphere though... it was light, but so deep at the same time. Yeah. After that, Pastor Kevin asked the normal members to prophesy over the cellgroup leaders, since in the previous prayer meeting they had prophesied over the members. Now it was vice-versa. One member would be selected by the leader to prophesy over him/her!
Lucky me, I ended up prophesying over a leader named Kelly, of S4. Well, due to poor choice of words, I ended up more like praying over her instead of prophesying -.-. I felt the Lord wanted to say that she's fully assured in Him, and that even though she had some members who weren't responsive, with her character and love, she would touch them in the end and they'd respond. Yeah, it's just the way I said it made it more like a prayer. Zzz. And afterward, Pastor Kevin asked the leaders to prophesy over any one member they chose. And Kelly picked me... haha. Well... she spoke about a few things, and she was spot on 100% in everything, no kidding.
She prophesied that I was in church for quite a long time, that I had no ministry, and that I was in my comfort zone, not stepping forward. Damn accurate! I have been in church 7 years, and I don't have a ministry. Plus, on the case of remaining in my comfort zone, its actually got to do with leadership. Remember, I don't like leadership positions, even though I get thrown them all the time. And if I don't move on, I'll be remaining in my comfort zone. She also said that if I held God's hand, I would walk on water with Him. She was totally correct on every issue, and I'm pretty sure she'd be accurate on this too. Actually in this season I'm doing more than the usual member, and leadership will be the next step. It just started in this season, and she hit it straight on the mark.
Anyway, it reminded me of the very first time I prophesied. It was a N337 cellgroup meeting, and the sermon was about prophesying. At the end, Chee Kiong wanted to show us a demonstration of prophesying, and spoke over someone. He was quite accurate. Then he let Cedric Kang try, except he would be blindfolded, and a member would be placed in front of him, and he'd prophesy over him. Cedric Kang was quite accurate too. Then Chee Kiong asked if anyone would want to volunteer. I jokingly pushed Jeffrey in front, since he was very new. of course he tried to hide from view, and since Chee Kiong saw me pushing him, he picked me to prophesy! Oh my donuts!
I was nervous to say the least... it was my very first time prophesying and I didn't want to prophesy something wrong in full view of the cellgroup, which was in the period of revival. But after praying in tongues a while, and blindfolded, I just spoke what I felt. I prophesied over the member in front of me, and here's the creepy part; even though my mind was a blank, I still managed to speak out words that I honestly didn't plan to say. I prophesied that she was going on to the next level, and that she was well on her way, but there was something holding her back, and that was a serious issue. She didn't want to let go, but I said if she did, she would know full well what it was to serve God with nothing holding her back. After a few more encouragements, I said she was a female and her name began with the letter J. After the blindfold was taken off, it was Jace in front of me, and she told me every single thing was correct. She later on confided in me that she was on the way to become a helper, but she had a boyfriend who wasn't a believer, and that was hindering her. I never had one thing wrong. And it amazed me so much, that God spoke through me for issues I had no idea or control over. No one else would know how accurate I was, but at least between the both of us, we knew... God had done something incredible that night.
Did I use flowery language? Yes I did. I mean... how many times will I ever speak from God? If I will be speaking in the Almighty's name, I wanted to make sure it counted, and had impact. Indicating the member was female and her name began with J were also impossible to predict, since that time the cellgroup had more guys, and Jessica and Jace were the only girls who had names starting with J. Olivia prophesied later on over Jessica, and she had everything spot on correct too. Simply amazing, considering that Olivia was very new to church that time. God could even use such young servants to glorify Him.
His presence was so tangible today.
Chronicled
11:17 AM
e l e g y
Friday, June 12, 2009
My Thursday was a terrible day. Cellgroup meeting at night was the only saving grace from making this perhaps the worst day of 2009 so far. First, I had moral class. Apart from the normal ethics and worksheets, again I had to sit through hours of crap coming from the lecturer. Nothing as retarded as last week, but still enough to annoy me. She repeated the cow-mother thing though. Zzz.
I was waiting in A2 for Ivan, when I was called down to Face to Face Noodles so that we could discuss. I didn't want to be there because of Hwee Hian, the no opinion guy. But since it was discussion, I thought it would be important, so I went down. In the end? Nothing whatsoever. It was all just food and drink. Geez.
Okay, after a very confusing arrangement of who would be in who's car, I eventually ended up in Meng Shen's car with Ryan and Wai Kwan. While waiting in the car, whose aircon I could barely feel, the topic of me blasting Hwee Hian in the new student lounge cropped up. I was suggested to apologize to him. Honestly, for what? I thought I'd make a blog post here to say out everything.
Okay, first of all, I don't hate the guy. Dislike? Okay. Have no respect? Definitely. Hate? No, not at all. I'm told to apologize to this guy because I offended him. Wow, big deal, as if offences aren't circulating every second we speak. He offended me first. Now I blasted him because I was pissed off, and I wasn't happy with his no opinion attitude, and also because I didn't think he was in the room. Did I backstab and badmouth him? I don't think so. I wasn't gossiping behind his back. I said it loud and clear I don't respect him, and when asked why, I gave the story, and the reasons. Was I making cheapshots at him? No, I just basically repeated what I said from the start: I have no respect from him whatsoever.
Then I was told that I shouldn't have made it so loud and public. Okay, this I can accept as proper criticism. The problem is, the new student lounge is really small, and it was quite quiet, apart from me bombarding the guy. People would have heard it if I had spoken at normal voice levels. I did raise my voice, and at times raise it even higher for things that pissed me off more. Unacceptable? Okay, I can deal with that. My fault then, no questions asked. I apologize.
After, I was told that he never did anything to me. He just really clings on to Edmond. At this I brought up my own analogy. Let's take the porn addict Adib, the guy who's obsessed with trying to hit on pretty and cute girls, and is a pervert when it comes to asking about people's sisters. Yeah, the one and only. One time when he was online, and most likely on the class server, I said outloud he was a porn addict, a pervert, and many other things he was. I was bloody vocal and I didn't hide it at all. I have not backbitten Adib one bit. Everything I hate about him (and yes, I use the word hate here) I said it outloud for everyone to know. They all know I hate him and his disgusting "fetishes". I've not hidden it from him. He knows I don't like him. Back to the car argument. You say he's done something offensive, by asking about your sister. That's why you can accept my public criticism of him, but not Hwee Hian, because he never did something to me. On the contrary. If someone were to say "I don't like Buddhists", I would be offended. I'm no Buddhist, but to have someone so narrow minded pisses me off. Well, the guy never said anything about Christians. He never said anything about Chinese. Just 'cause in terms of religion I don't agree with Buddhism, doesn't mean I dislike Buddhists. Same goes for racism. If someone said they don't like Africans, I would also get pissed off, and I would be extremely offended, even though the guy did and said nothing to offend me. Same here. This moron's got no opinion, and I am offended, because if you're clingy, I can accept that. If you're shy and quiet, I can accept that. But I asked for what YOU want, to choose. Not your drawing god, not your classmates. I asked you what you wanted to do for the moral class assignment. And you couldn't even tell me. "Whatever Edmond chooses, I choose also". I mean seriously! It's not like I'm asking you to decide on some very important matter where you've got no experience or knowledge. In effect, I was asking one simple thing "Which charity organization do you want to help?" And for that, you could give no answer.
And please don't claim racism is wrong, or religious intolerance is wrong. But having no opinions isn't. Excuse me, that's double standards. Racism is narrow-minded. Race is usually defined by colour, which is determined by melanin, a skin pigment. People have the right to choose their religions, and being intolerant of that is narrow-minded. Having no opinions? That's quite narrow-minded. If I'd want to be harsh I'd say that's not even narrow-minded, because he has no mind of his own to begin with. People can tolerate racism and religious intolerance (Malaysian government is a good example), and to say its wrong is very subjective, even if I myself believe its wrong. The same can be said for having no opinion. I am offended, even if you may tolerate it. My analogies can't be said wrong, because its true, and reality and the people around us prove it. If you accept my analogies, then you must accept too, that I can be offended by him having no opinion. Do you think its stupid? Okay, I can accept that. Of course, it'd make you narrow-minded too, but this is not the place to discuss your retardness.
Must I defend my stance every single time? In the car, arguing, eventually, they got sick of trying to persuade me my stance was wrong, and said if I didn't want to apologize, I didn't have to. Read my post above, please, and if you really think I'm still wrong, please show me how. You might call my stance narrow-minded, and I'm fine with that, 'cause everyone has different standards of what's liberal and conservative. But you must have reasons why. Just "feeling" its wrong of me to be offended, isn't gonna help. I could "feel" that you just don't get it, and by your standards, you cannot challenge the validity of my "feelings". Hitler "felt" that killing Jews was good. According to your thinking, you cannot challenge that Hitler is wrong too. You must have reasons, and good ones at that. Like I said, I didn't say the guy sucks. I just said I don't respect him, and I gave plenty of reasons why I don't. And I've refuted every single "problem" raised against my thinking. Therefore, not only "feeling" but knowing that I am offended 'cause the guy's got no opinions, I can see nothing wrong.
I also heard that Hwee Hian told one guy in the car he didn't like me. Of course, who would like a guy who just blasted you for having no opinions, and saying he doesn't respect you? While telling me this, he later on said "and blah blah"... which meant more. When I asked, he said "Nothing" Blah blah is not nothing. I wanted to know what else he said, and even though I asked again, I wasn't given an answer. I was actually gonna get out of the car and walk off, seeing no reason in continuing the questions and also not wanting to attend a briefing with a guy that has no opinions. The only thing was, my bag was in his trunk, and I couldn't walk off without it. Zzz.
Will it make things better if I apologize? Possibly. Will it be easier to settle our group assignments if we settle the issue? I think so. But if you want me to apologize when I can see no wrong in my offences because of him, then I'll need a damn good reason to apologize. Being loud in the student lounge doesn't count. We can settle the issue another way, but I am not apologizing, 'cause I did no wrong.
And I doubt we can even settle it. Him forever having no opinions will forever offend me, and I don't compromise on my values and opinions. And even if he did somehow want to settle it, he would never be able to. He's got no opinions remember? He'll not be able to decide for himself how to settle it. Now was that mean and a cheapshot? Yes, it was. But its not what caused this whole incident.
Chronicled
4:55 PM
e l e g y
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Heh... seems like my MSN nickname's been getting a alot of reponse from people. After making a few, Ruz asked me to coin some more meanings for TOA, so I did, in the span of 5 minutes. Thought I'd share it here.
TOA - Thousands of Assignments. Tons of Assignments. Totally Ownage Assignments. Total Overload Assignments. Too Overwhelming Artworks. Time Over Already. Takes Over Alertness. Torture of Aesthetics. Tonight Overnight Again. The OhMyGod Academy.
Heh... just a little humour from me. Seriously though, it does describe the OhMyGod stuff we go through in school -.-. And I went to watch Drag Me To Hell just now. Haha... most of the horror in the movie comes from disgust and shock scenes. Those that jump out at you. Not much of other scenes, which provide the scares. Rebecca had free tickets for an early preview so Jordan, Damian, Yus and some other friends watched. I didn't find it scary, but entertaining. One of Yus' friends actually walked out halfway through the movie 'cause it was too scary. What the hell? And it was a guy! Not a girl! Geez!
Fun and entertaining, but not scary enough. Plus, a bit too predictable. Sylvia's enjoying her coin, for sure ^^. Eh, you'll get that if you watch the movie.
Anyhoo, I coined a joke the other day, about asking the ticketer for the movie.
Hi... Drag Me To Hell, please.
Yes sir. How many tickets?
Um... two please.
Will that be Gold Class?
Yeah, sure... why not.
Get the joke? Eh? Eh? Oh nevermind...
Lol... we went to eat supper before going home. The place we ate was showing WWF. Yeah, not WWE. It was really old. Kane still had his first costume and X-Pac and Road Dogg were still in Degeneration X. It was King Of The Ring 2000 I think. Whatever.
Anyhoo, somebody please shoot me for asking a girl out for a movie just now. She said yes.
Chronicled
1:15 PM
e l e g y
Monday, June 8, 2009
Five days of spirituality. Wow. The last week, I had 5 days worth of Christian stuff going on. Monday was Faith station, the usual Christian fellowship at school, then followed by cellgroup meeting. Then on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, it was attending all the services with Pastor Andrew Gray. In the cellgroup, only two people attended every single service. On Sunday, for service 4, I actually slept for around a few seconds, probably because of the toll. I had listened attentively for service 3 but I think I was drained by service 4.
My lack of sleep was caused by a particularly horrible nightmare before I woke up; where a bunch of friends were tied up and bleeding to death through practically every orifice they had. Once they were exanguinated (drained of blood, for those who still don't know what my blog title means), I woke up, jerking awake and kicking. I didn't want to sleep again because I have a tendency to continue dreams when I awake from one. I did though, and I can't quite remember the second part, but I remember lots of death from the people bleeding. Yeah... when I woke up from the second part, I was dead, dead tired despite not sleeping that late. If you'd wanna know who were the victims, they're um... the regular readers of my blog (you know who you are) plus a few others in church. Yeah. Sorry.
Even though I slept for a while during the final service, I still enjoyed his message. The part that probably struck me most was him talking about "balancing equations". Jesus is perfect, righteous and without sin. Humans are imperfect, sinful creatures. So in effect, its technically impossible for Jesus to become sin, and for humans to become righteousness. Yet, through His death on the cross, two impossibilities were fulfilled. While dying, Jesus became sin, and because of that, we are God's righteousness. Yeah, Christians know Jesus died for their sins and all, but having it said this way was very, very impactful. Great messages from Andrew Gray, definitely.
Today we had figures again. Managed to draw the simplified figures decently in class... aye. Whew. After class I slept in the library for a while before going to the new student lounge in block G. Shared a few jokes, and chatted with the AD085-1 people. Then I began getting started on a guy who pissed me off a while back. For moral class, we're split into groups and need to visit a charity organization and do something for them, be it spending time with the kids, old folks, or whatever. While deciding what to pick, one guy said that he would pick whatever Edmund picked. In case you don't know, Edmund is probably the biggest and best God-like artist in the entire school, and I mince no words in that. Anyhoo, I got annoyed, since I was tallying the votes for the different places. How can he have no opinion whatsoever? Since that day, till now, I still have trouble remembering his name. What Hian?
Anyway, I told some of the people in the student lounge about it, and I said that I don't respect him at all. Then Jun Yuen's like "You don't respect him? Well, he's right here" I turned to the only guy who I didn't notice before and I was like... oh, whoops. Yeah, he's THAT unnoticeable. He had heard me bitching about him having no opinion, and after I questioned him on why, he's like "anything this, anything that". Geez... even after hearing my displeasure he's still like that. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the guy. I barely even know him and judging his character based on one incident is very petty. I just have no respect whatsoever, and his response only continued to cement it. Also, while there, I teased Chin Yau about being called Cin Cau, a mistake one of our lecturer's used to continue, despite knowing his real name. Seems like he got pissed off too. Two birds, two stones. I pissed off two people in the span of an hour. Not my intention, honestly.
Faith Station was good today. The game was quite fun and the topics and sharing we did were also quite deep, and we talked a lot about other people's problems. After a while we split into groups to share a bit about our week and all. I closed in prayer for our group, and we went to fellowship at Ming Tien. Heh... it was easily the most enjoyable fellowship we had there. I shared a lot of stories about going to Singapore daily, the robbery attempts, the checkpoint issues and all. Great humour and conversation from everyone. Nice!
On a final note... I didn't have my special lunch today. No details there -.-.
I've got my computer graphics production procedures (CGPP) to do now. Aye.
Chronicled
1:22 PM
e l e g y
Friday, June 5, 2009
Ah, the weekends... finally. A break, sort of.
On Thursday after the whole Essenism gang chilling out I went back to the school library to chat and sleep. After being awoken by a phone call, I realized Shaun was still drawing his Lady Gaga and there were almost no people left inside. Had a "bonding time" for around half an hour, catching up on life, and the people around us and friends. A significant portion was also talking about relationships. Pretty interesting stuff, heh... good times.
I went off for cellgroup after that. W19 was combining with W31 and W49, so it was huge. Joel preached for the first half and Natalie preached for the second half. Not bad... a good mesage about prayer.
Today we had typography again. I slept a little over one hour because when I reached home, I ended up having quite a lot of chats through Facebook and MSN about the Cindy incident. Also had a very deep chat with Zi Yuan, and by the time it was finished, it was nearing 4am. Spent 15 minutes doing my typography work and read a bit of New Moon (of the Twilight saga) before heading to sleep.
And surprisingly, Lily accepted one of my ideas very well, even though I had done that particular one in less than 2 minutes. The ones I spent quite a portion of time were not good. Gee -.-. Yeah. Because of a group assignment we needed to do for creative thinking, Neal, Tommy and I ended up joining 7 girls (our classmates) for lunch. And they can't believe I like strawberry! Lmao? It's not my fault they're nice, sweet and... pink right? Zzz.
I accompanied Zi Yuan back to her home 'cause she needed to help her housemate get inside the house, even though she lives there. I don't know how you can leave the house and lock it, but get locked outside when you come back? Lol... anyhoo, we went back to school together to settle our group assignment in a few minutes, and Neal and I presented. Job well done. Whew.
I went to the library to sleep after that, and woke up for service 2 hours later. For the weekend, its Pastor Andrew Gray from a Christian City Church branch church. Well... he talks like a machine gun! Very simple, yet very powerful message about God's fullness in us. He was a very passionate speaker with a few good jokes peppered in at times. Very enjoyable.
Also, of note was the presence of God during the praise and worship. It was astounding today, much more so than usual. It was just so overwhelming that during the worship session, I was weeping the whole time. The second worship song was Hosanna, and it has one of the most beautiful bridges in any Christian song I know. While singing the bridge, I was practically crying! My tears poured out in such force equivalent to me crying like a baby when I was a kid. I kept having to wipe away the tears, which didn't do anything at all, except wet my hands. But I felt so comforted after that. I guess I was affected a lot more than I thought, with her.
Looking forward to tomorrow's service. The drive back with Ai Lee also was full of an interesting topic. Aye... also, good times.
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You, have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
Chronicled
1:51 PM
e l e g y
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Today was fun, and annoying, especially in the morning. We had moral studies in the morning, and it was so full of crap I really wanted to just walk out of the classroom because of the crap spewed forth. Geez! My lecturer is alright when teaching about the moral stuff, but when she goes into her stories, its so ridiculous! Here are some examples of stupid stuff that make no sense whatsoever and yet was given as truth:
Eating pork can give you swine flu. Total crap. It's passed by droplets and organic aerosols from human to human or human to pig contact.
Eating chicken eggs is eating an unborn chick. Apparently she has no idea that unfertilized hens lay egss with no embryo inside.
Eating cows is taboo, because they give us milk. Therefore its like eating our mothers. WTH! My mom is not a cow! And neither is anyone elses!
Aborted babies dead fetuses can be taken and their soul extracted, and stored in a bottle, effectively being "spirit babies" that can bring you luck if you take care of them and feed them. TOTAL CRAP! Why would babies be such a blessing? Why aren't live babies golden fortune cookies for you too? And how does an unborn child even understand any commands? Do I needa speak gaga-goo goo to communicate? Geez! She spoke it as if it were truth too! Total bull.
Enough of the rants. It pisses me off just thinking about it. It doesn't help that she calls drug addicts drug editors, and she says sacrifice as crucify. Oh my donuts!
*Sigh*. Ivan came over for a visit, plus Henry, who joined the rest of Essenism, minus Miki today, and we had a pretty deep conversation today, even in the midst of all the jokes. And the main topic? Our love lives. Heh. Wow... it just sucks to see that all of our love lives have literally went to hell. Serious. Let's see the examples:
Me. Cindy's so smitten with him on Sunday. I've already ranted out the details. I think its pretty much over with her, honestly. I still like her of course, a lot.
Ruz. Two promises I'd say were of lifetime's worth were broken in an instant. Feelings are gone, and well, it's all over.
Wai Kwan. She's broken up with Leonard. All that hanky-pankying's history now. It's totally over.
Miki's attracting all the wrong people, and ignoring all the good people. Nothing good's coming out of that.
Kok Kin was rejected by Lih Ting a while back. Ouch. Yeah, its done with.
Ivan's not exactly in hell in his love life, although it was. Now we're waiting for good news. Sort of.
Yeaps. Essenism's love lives have all gone to hell. Sad eh? I'm pretty upset. My mood's been gone this whole week, and I'm not like so many people who say they're putting on a mask or facade, I really am happy when I laugh or make jokes. But after all that serotonin and joy rush, it doesn't stand against the feelings of the upset.
Aye... just delete my chromosome 15. I quote "Laugh, and be an angelman".
Chronicled
12:52 PM
e l e g y
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Aye... this week's been fine so far.
I didn't sleep on Sunday night after the movie, 'cause I was doing my figures. After class and a bit of hanging out on Monday, I went for Faith Station, the Christian fellowship in school. Had a bit of games, worship, sharing and all. Good times. I rushed off after though, to help find Hansen's present with Yee See and Denise. We picked a shirt, and the "cake" would be 21 donuts from J.Co, to signify his 21st birthday. We also snuck into his hostel and gave him a surprise! And after that we went off to Ria's, for ayam penyet, which I heard meant smashed chicken. The chicken and stuff were nice, but the sambal was insane -.-. I had a runny nose and a "toasted" tongue thanks to the chili.
We went back to the hostel and started tossing people into the swimming pool. Hansen, Kean Hoong and Issey plus Linna as the only girl all got soaked in the pool. Lucky me, I was more of the punisher, pushing them in =x.
Tuesday was a bore. Had advertising principles in the morning and followed by computer graphics production procedures. It's like Photoshop and Illustrator, except it isn't so much about the skill and designs, but more towards workflow and time, plus the most efficient procedures. During class I answered quite a lot of questions correctly and the lecturer eventually asked me to go to his table to demonstrate how to change the ppi of the picture. He then did it in another way and asked the class to say who was correct. The class all said I was wrong, and said the lecturer's way was correct. Then he said that in fact, he was wrong and I was correct all along, showing the students their folly. Boy, did I feel good.
I also needed to explain why it was so and blah blah to the entire class, effectively making me class lecturer for a few minutes =x. Bragging rights, ahem?
Anyhoo, if you noticed I've been a little harsher in my words, in my attitude and generally, just me, blame Sunday. My tolerance has dropped quite a bit since then, and seeing the guy she was so smitten tomorrow for cellgroup isn't going to make it any better. Sure, he's innocent, and he's a great guy. It's just not going to help me get my mood any better. So please, refrain from giving stupid answers, stupid opinions, really lame jokes and being immature. You have been warned.
Oh yes, one more thing. On Saturday a bunch of us went to Sepang Gold Coast after service. It's not as hyped up as it sounds. It's still not bad though. I'm bloody lazy to post about the details, but let's just say we had quite a bit of fun.
Us, minus Kean Hoong, the photographer.
Trick or treat, smell our feet. Gimme something good to eat.
And I will kick anyone who pisses me off.
Chronicled
11:01 AM
e l e g y
Us, minus Kean Hoong, the photographer.
Trick or treat, smell our feet. Gimme something good to eat.
And I will kick anyone who pisses me off.