Lamentations

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Your Existing Situation:

"Is stubborn, demanding, and arrogant, works toward his own goals and purposes. Has little regard for others and is unwilling to compromise or negotiate."

Your Stress Sources:

"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep his rank and status. His current situation is irritating him because he can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards he does. He is feeling isolated and wants to give in to his carnal urges, but can't bring himself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see his unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead he has an "I don't care" attitude and pushing people away. He turns his back on those who criticizes his behavior, but beneath his indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."

Your Restrained Characteristics:

"Self-centered, tends to take this personally and is easily offended."

Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotional distant.

Is bothered when his needs and desires are misunderstood and he feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. His self-centered attitude can cause him to be easily offended.

Applies tough standards to his potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in his sex life.

Is bothered when his needs and desires are misunderstood and he feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. His self-centered attitude can cause him to be easily offended.

Your Desired Objective:

"Strongly resists any limits given him or disputes directed toward him. Stubborn, close-minded, and is hard to change his mind once it is made up. Uses his stubbornness as a way to prove he is independence and in control of the situation."

Your Actual Problem:

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave him feeling the same way. Is unable to admit to his short comings, which leads him to act out in an aggressive and resentful way."

Your Actual Problem #2:

"Struggles with his need for respect and admiration from others; feels he needs to make a name for himself and stand out from the crowd. He acts out by insisting he be the center of attention, and refuses to step back, stand down, or take on a minor, insignificant role."

WOW. What the hell.

Chronicled
12:48 PM

e l e g y

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Superficial relationships, like I said in my previous post.

Oh, I'm still in my bad mood.

A few days ago, I had a sudden realization that several friendships I thought were close weren't. They were very on the surface. Some seemed deep and genuine, but digging deeper, they were not. Some others were deep, but had many superficial elements in it. Too much. I can understand that some friendships fade over time, and that things are never quite the same after that. I'm not talking about those cases. I'm talking about a mutual friendship that goes deep, or at least seems deep, but in actual fact, it isn't. Or at least, not to the extent I expected.

Take the most recent case. One time a bunch of us wanted to go to Genting during the holidays, and asked a lot of people. Disaster ensued as many couldn't make it. This certain person said she wouldn't go even for one night because she had medication and that she wanted to sleep in her own bed, so don't even bother asking her for Genting. Alright... a few days ago a group of her friends wanted to go Ipoh for 4 days and instantly she joined the bandwagon. Thing is she wasn't allowed to go. And you know what she did? She begged and pleaded with her mom, who didn't allow her, so you know wat she did? She asked me to forge a school field trip letter so that her mom would let her go. 'Nuff said.

And another person. We both said that we'd become close over quite a short period of time. And I thought that yeah, it was true. We shared a lot. Thing is, the only thing we ever talked about deeply was our relationships with other people. Crushes, ex's, and all that stuff. It really was deep and personal stuff. But you know what? That's ALL we ever talked about. Relationships! Any other topic we had was pure boredom and dead. There was nothing interesting shared about families, lives or what. It was just so awkward when no relationship topics were brought up. A bit of humour here and there (mostly from me) but absolutely nothing concrete.

And another one. We seemed to chat very well. We did. We chatted very well. But only on MSN. In real life, there was never much to be said. Maybe 'cause we said so much online? Perhaps, I'll grant that. But if so many topics can be said on MSN, why not real life? Is text and smilies all there is to friendship? I don't think so. If there's a friendship that's great in real life but dull online, I think that's perfectly fine. 'Cause its more genuine. It's really a friendship based upon two people and their personalities, not their words and text. It's best if the communication is strong online and in real life.

There's a lot more superficial friendships or friendships with a lot of superficial elements in it, but they're more minor. These are the major ones that made me have a revelation of how unsolid some frienships were. Not a lot, thankfully, but several, which was enough to worry me.

Let's just see what happens to these friendships.

I assure you, it'll be interesting to see the results of each friendship.

Chronicled
9:35 AM

e l e g y

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Aye... last Wednesday, I finally watched the hyped-up movie This Is It, with Kai Yih. I think its overrated, seriously. People everywhere were like telling me "You must watch it!" and people were saying how amazing Michael Jackson's performances and all were going to be. Zzz, I actually almost fell asleep around the middle. Kai Yih too, I could see her head dropping sometimes. Lmao... it was mainly just his rehearsal singing, and a few impressive sets. I can appreciate his talent and skill, and his passion... but "You have to watch it before you die"? Hell no -.-.

Later on I headed back to school to watch Gostan Forward. It's by Marion D'Cruz, my culture and society lecturer. She's freaking vulgar, but she's got a brilliant sense of humour too, and I always enjoyed her lectures in class, even though she was superbly harsh. Gostan Forward was about her past, her memories and a sort of life journey of how she began the arts, to how she was slowly recognized and up to the point she became a Datin. Quite interesting. Among her jokes and stories, she also danced a bit, although she only picked a select few from her three decade career.

She's slowly warming up...

The hood was a reference to secret informants during WWII who wore hoods and pointed out rebels and "traitors" of the Japanese empire.

She was doing some singing and dancing on the table.

One of her mask dances. This was one of the more interesting dances.

Marion and one of her friends from long ago

And they kept dancing and singing...

I had a brief chat with Marion after everything wrapped up. Been ages since I last seen her, and she was very motherly, instead of her usual crude self, which was a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, on Saturday morning it was the basketball competition for Emerge. And I have to say, the Emerge this year was even more messy than last year, and organization even worse. You see, a month ago, I was supposed to go for the basketball selections for VU cluster. I was late since I was helping Kean Hoong for his drama. So I was told to attend the next week's selection. It was raining, and Felix didn't bother to pick up any calls I made to ask if the selections were still on that day due to the weather. When I arrived Felix was there, and after a few games, he walked off without telling any of us what happened. What the? I called him (he finally picked up) and he said since it was raining, selection was next week instead. I was pissed off, so I didn't bother going. Then like a few days before the basketball competition itself, I'm told I'm selected for VU team 2, and given the names of my team, and I have no idea who they are. Fine. Not only that, one day before captains ball, I received a call telling me I'm in the team. What the hell! Only a day's notice! No practice, no nothing! Geez! And captains ball clashes with basketball. Freak.

I focused on basektball, and decided to help out in captains ball only if I was needed. I arrived at 8am, and took a few shots. After a very bad start, I was on fire again, and almost every shot I took went in. Yes! Even after such a long absence my skills weren't totally gone. Five minutes before my match, I finally met my team. The basketball is 3 on 3, so with 4 of us, one of has had to sub out. I asked if they wanted me to sub out and join in later, or have one of them sub out. They said they wanted to play together, and I'd join in later. Fine. They played, and scored the first point. Well done. After that first point, they never got any more points. The other team, which was made up of midgets, ended up scoring like 7 shots straight! Geez! I wanted to sub in, but they didn't let me, so I waited and waited, till I just got pissed and walked onto the court saying "I'm subbing in now!" One of them subbed out, and the game was on again. I managed to steal the ball 4 times from the opponent, but my teammates missed every single shot I passed to them. I also took one shot. And you know how long I played? 10 seconds. TEN FREAKING SECONDS! WHAT THE HELL! FREAKS! YOU GUYS GOT WHOOPED AND STILL WOULDN'T LET ME SUB IN. TEN SECONDS! If I hadn't been pissed and walked onto the court, I would have lost without doing ANYTHING! DAMN FREAKING WASTE OF MY TIME.

Since my team lost so early, I went off early too. I planned to go over to Kai Yih's place to take a shower, rest a bit and drive her to church early, for her choir practice. That didn't happen though... when I went over, I began ranting every single thing to her, and slowly our conversation turned into a lot about our own families and all. We chatted from like 10:30am to 2:30pm straight, about so many damn things. It was a great chat, and I was really blessed by the sharing. Also, it cooled me down a lot, and I wasn't so ticked off for the remainder of the day. I did take my shower and drive her over, and had service later on. Arise and build. Target is RM 3 million. Wow.

Afterwards, the cellgroup watched 2012. I found the starting and disasters quite exciting and funny! Very good humour peppered into the movie, and the whole cinema even clapped for two parts of the movie. "Engine, start" and the middle finger from Tamara. Lmao. The ending wasn't was climatic as I wished though. But overall, enjoyable.

The next day was a day out with Cindy. Since she was hospitalized, I wanted to treat her out for a movie. Due to the freaking long line, we couldn't watch Jennifer's Body at the time we wanted. So she suggested something else, watch Phobia 2, and Jennifer's Body after. Eh... why not? So we bought the tickets for the 2 movies. Unlike the last time I asked her out for a movie (the same night I gave up on her), there was no one along this time, and it was just 1 on 1. Funny... how it was so smooth and easy when I stopped liking her. Oh well. Well, Phobia 2 was enjoyable. It's 5 short films in one film. The first was alright, second was plain stupid and made little sense, the third was very heart-racing, fourth, sad, and fifth, freaking funny! Lmao! I don't wanna spoil it. But nothing is what it seems in the final one. Haha. And Jennifer's Body was alright. Not as good as I hoped, but there was a lot of witty dialogue and smart lines. But Jennifer got killed way too easily -.-. And Megan Fox was plain yummy throughout the movie. She looked brilliant in every scene except for her "hunger" scenes but almost every kiss scene was censored. Especially the lesbian kiss, which didn't surprise me. "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry was censored in Malaysia too -.-.

And today, I asked Kai Yih out for lunch. It was after her exams though, so a classmate followed. Ivy, who I met once before. Anyway, we ate at Sushi King, which has got pathetic customer service, but the food is not bad. Pretty good.

I joined them for their shopping a while too.

I watched 2012 (again) later on thanks to Andrew paying, and got to enjoy the disaster scenes much more.

I'm pissed off now though. Ranting post, up next. Superficial friendships.

Chronicled
6:13 PM

e l e g y