Monday, July 19, 2010
Long post about friendship. Read on.
Last week Pastor AR Bernard came to my church. AR Bernard's one of the most intelligent pastors that regularly visits City Harvest Church. Always intellectual with "wowser" sermons, he's always had a great balance between intellectual and spiritual issues of Christianity. He's brilliant, but I've never considered him one of my favourite pastors. I don't know why. But I do respect him, his teachings and how it's impacted my life.
Anyway, last week he spoke about the cosmology, or world view through a biblical perspective. It was another great sermon, but he side tracked for a while and spoke about friendships. Remember that post I made on Valentine's Day that chronicled the time I liked Khar Loo? I emailed her, and told her about it, because... actually I still don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do. So now we've been sending emails to and fro, where I questioned certain things that made no sense while she gave explanations.
Now I believe I brought up a lot of inconsistencies. I'm pretty sure I was right (doesn't everyone assume they, themselves are correct?) but I realize the fallacy of that as well. I have always been well balanced in my views and perspectives, according to what others say. To confirm whether I was reasonable in my thinking and logic, I asked 9 people about this issue, carefully explaining both sides perspectives, and sending the correspondence to them. These 9 people were not selected randomly. I knew these 9 had a wide range of views and personalities, which is exactly why I asked them. In addition, these 9 people were people I would trust my life with (I trust my life with anyone, but its a figure of speech, you get the drift). They were people that also minced no words with me, and told me the truth in all honesty. These were true, deep friends.
So what were their opinions? Belief-wise, they were people ranging from agnostics, Christians, Buddhists and atheists. They were college students, church members or simply people I knew. They were people I knew that ranged from many years, to a few years, and some, a few months. So after telling them to tell me the honest and brutal truth, 7 agreed on my views (although half of them said my tone was very harsh), 1 was on my side, but saw the sincerity of Khar Loo as stronger than the inconsistencies, and 1 totally disagreed with me and sided 100% with Khar Loo. I wanted a variety of opinions, and I got it. I'm not using statistics here, but through reasoning and logic, 7 people agreed on things from my perspective, regardless of my tone. They saw the inconsistencies and didn't understand the explanations, so at least I'm not quite alone in that. One agreed with me but also agreed with Khar Loo, by saying my logic and reasoning made sense, but Khar Loo's emotions were true and honest. The last person totally blasted and accused me on many levels, and argued very defensively on Khar Loo's reasonings.
That last person who disagreed with me is a very dear friend, and I accepted her opinions, although I did explain why certain explanations didn't make sense when she defended them. She made several practical suggestions, some of which I accepted, and some I didn't follow. One of the ones I didn't follow was a suggestion she made on a regular contact. She said "why dont u put it in a nicer way? ' why not we make a deal? i think to keep this frienship and not losing touch with one another, i suggest we chat once every 6 months.. how do that sound?". I actually liked that suggestion. But I didn't follow that 'cause it made it sound like the frenship was held to terms and conditions (and Khar Loo wouldn't bother anyway). However she did accuse me of agreeing with those who agreed with me, and not accepting the opinions of those who differed from me. Lack of foresight on her part, 'cause I just questioned her defence, and she took it as rejecting her opinions (which I did not... having an opposite to what I believed to be the correct point of view was very valuable to see things from Khar Loo's point from a sideview). Interesting, she also said that I needed opinions from people because I wasn't sure whether I was right or wrong, and needed assurances. Wow, that was probably her boldest accusation. Sure, having a greater assurance is good. Definitely, it backs up my credibility and view. But no, it wasn't because I wasn't sure whether I was right or wrong. I knew I was right, but having a variety of opinions helps in understanding the situation better too, and in the slight chance I'm totally wrong, everyone would see it. And I asked so many people because I was waiting for a person who would have a different opinion from me, which would balance the opinions I was getting. She was the final one. Also, she said that I didn't know how to deal with friendships that faded, and it was a natural part of friendships.
All that was just a short catch up on what's been happening lately. That was just my introduction. My main post and topic starts now.
One of the things implied was that I couldn't deal with a close friendship ending up not so close anymore. Of course, this is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever had directed to me. I can't deal with it? Total bull. I've had so many friendships that were once close become nothing more than hi-bye friends now. That I've practically lost count. Let's start with Kevin from kindergarten? Jimmy Tang from kindergarten? After leaving Ogden and moving to Orde, we never hung out anymore. What about Cindy from grade 1? How about Alex, my best friend from Flemingdon Summer Fun Centre? And Morrow Oxley, my first friend in Orde, and later, an enemy? Jarrah Al Kandari, my best friend after Morrow, for the next 4 years. Until he went back to Kuwait. And Ahmed Gobire? Also one of my best friends, who looked out for me on so many occasions, and constantly was so hospitable when I went to his house. And when I moved to Malaysia, and studied in Singapore, what happened to the friendship with my first friend in Marsiling? That big Indian dude, who, for some reason, I can't remember his name. Yang Dai Yang? Eugene Bek? Self proclaimed brothers of mine, who later on stole my WWE cards, and set up a rival basketball team taunting me constantly. And what about in church? Ho Ching? Karen Goh? And Zhi Xian? Even later on in ITE, Jeff, Wayne, Yee Jian, and in TOA, it hasn't happened yet, as it's been so recent only. However, my friendships with Sandy and Tiffany have faded too, as I've moved to Kuala Lumpur.
That list I mentioned was very brief. I only mentioned a few major people. If I were to mention every single person that was once close but is not now, I'd go nuts, and you'd go bored reading. I certainly understand that friends do drift apart. It's happened to me countless times. I realize that it is a part of life too, that you meet new friends, and leave behind old friends. But I know for a fact that friends who put effort in maintaining some form of communication and contact avoid that. Experience has proven it. That's why friends are so easily made and contacted in school, college and church. Sure, contact may not be frequent, but at least regular. Even once every few months is regular. Even living in Kuala Lumpur, I still manage to have a deep friendship with countless Singapore friends. That's because there's some form of communication with them. At least something, which helps avoid the fading. The fading of friendships depends on the lack of both parties putting effort, or in my case with Khar Loo, giving up after putting in effort on communication made no difference.
I must say I have a good understanding of human relationships. I know that sounds arrogant, but I do. I have read countless articles, and own several books that talk about communication with other people, negotiations, body language, tone of voice, pitch, eye contact and the such. I research alot. This has helped my social life tremendously. I know how it can be abused also. Getting a girlfriend just to have a screw is extremely easy. Flattery for those who never get it, and playful attention. They easily fall prey, unless they're smart or strong willed. I know both sides of human interaction. The things to say that get the most response from people; I know what makes people get a reaction. This explains why despite only having 10 profile pics, they have close to a hundred comments on Facebook. This explains why I never run out of topics. And lots of other stuff. Of course, I'm not perfect, and I occasionally make mistakes. But I daresay I have a pretty good understanding of how people interact. And I know how my friendships are. I don't cling on to friendships that aren't what they were before. It'd be nice to have it back to before, but without any effort on both sides, it isn't going to happen.
And I was always aware of that. I learned over the last few years that friendships will fade. Is is a part of life? Yes, sadly. But circumstances aside, its mainly from a lack of effort on both sides to maintain communication. Let's say two friends don't meet up, don't hang out, don't say anything to each other anymore, except for the occasional hi and bye. Are they still friends? Yeah. Is that really true friendship? No, I don't think so. I don't care how sincere you are in being a friend. If I smoke, take drugs, sleep around, and use profanities, but I'm sincerely a Christian, would you accept that? No, right? You can be as sincere as you want with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and not go out on dates, not have fun times together, not call, not message each other. Are they a couple? Sure. Would you call that a relationship? I didn't think so. Same analogy here. Friendships may not be in the same league as relationships, but there's still some form of maintentance. And if people don't bother, that's what leads to the fading of the friendship.
I've had tons of friendships fade, and know it, which is not what my friend assumed of me. But I also have maintained good contact with close friends, and not have my friendships with them fade. The lesson? Effort in communication. Being busy to the extent you can't even say hi to your friends, or take a 15 minute drink with them just means you're a lifeless zombie who can't care any less.
I'd like to quote Justin, who I've shared all this along with Miki earlier today.
"No matter how busy you are, you will always make time for your friends."
Chronicled
5:11 PM
e l e g y
Sunday, July 18, 2010
I had a hell of a weekend like two weeks ago. Or was it three? In a good way. Um, sort of. Lol.
On Friday, I had quite a schedule. First, after accompanying Miki to the hospital and having a meal, I was at college to do some work on Leon's class. My SMP and logo still hadn't been accepted yet, so I spent hours thinking about it. I was picked up later for a combined cellgroup outing with W49, which happened to be a steamboat outing at i-City, in Shah Alam. It's a very beautiful place! The tree's all have lights on them, in many different colours. And it's not just a few. Practically all the trees there have coloured lights. It's quite a sight, along with other light... uh, "sculptures". It was a pretty small group though, since most of the people were back in their hometowns, honeymoons or holiday trips. Just Issey, Kean Hoong, Robenz, Dennis, Agnes, Bryan, her boyfriend, and I.
We had quite a good time eating and chatting. Plenty of discussion about Holland and Brazil, since the match was playing while we were eating (the steamboat food's pretty good! The roasted chicken is like AWESOME. TOTALLY). I once saw a joke "If people from Poland are called Poles, how come people from Holland aren't called Holes?" That was the basis for me calling the Netherlands the Holes. And I called Brazil the Bras. Yeah, Bras versus Holes. Main description of the female body, lmao -.-. Had a good time getting to catch up with everyone, especially Agnes, since I haven't seen her in ages. After a long meal (where I took plenty of ice cream), we watched the match on this big huge screen that easily had hundreds of observers on the floor, possibly thousands. And it was there I realized my Bras would lose. Aye -.-... lesson learned. Holes are better than Bras. I realize how wrong that sounds, but eh, what the hell.
Issey drove me to Zouk later on, and I was grateful for that, 'cause I was pretty late, arriving at 12:30am. I was there 'cause Joseph somehow managed to get a 100-person guestlist. I don't know how the hell he got the ambassador to do that, but eh, I'm not complaining. Everyone else was there already. By "everyone else" I mean Joseph, Ryan, Radius and other churchmates like Ann Ying, Esther (who's also my classmate), Michelle Gay (no seriously, that's her real surname), Vera, Yawan. I also met Zaien there, who I met at the AXE opening. Turns out he's studied in Canada previously, and had the teenhood I missed out on. Lmao.
Michelle was totally enjoying herself.
Anyway, since I was so late, all the alcohol was finished already, and the bottle of beer I had myself, and the Long Island jug I shared with Ryan and Zaien did nothing at all. Nothing! Not even the slightest inotoxication! I was more sober than sober, seriously. Must've been all the food I had eaten earlier. Zzz. I didn't know it was so effective, 'cause most of the time I go clubbing, its on an empty stomach, and even then rarely do I get intoxicated to a reasonable extent. And the funny thing was, almost everyone in our group was from City Harvest. I can't quite remember the time we had such a large group all from the same church. It was kinda awkward here as we were all in the same church, and everyone kept it pretty much safe, almost holy -.-, with a few exceptions of certain people smoking. There was fun and chatter, but it was also very chivalrous. Yeah, serious, chivalrous. None of the guys danced intimately with the girls. Heck, barely a hand was laid of any of them, and I'm not talking about dirty dancing... even simple, clean, basic dancing.
This was the most intimate. Yeah. Intimate. Lawls, seriously.
And I did say chivalrous right? Yeah, all the girls danced among themselves in the middle while the guys were on the outside protecting them from all the horny strangers. Yeah, I was a shield. We were all shields. I mean sure, if a guy gets too intimate and the girl is uncomfortable, I'll do something, but its a club (and on the dance floor no less); you're meant to socialize. And part of that culture involves strangers dancing or approaching you. If the girl is fine with it, both are happy. If the girl dances away or doesn't want to, message sent. I'll help "deliver" that message if the guy gets unreasonable. Anyhoo, since the alcohol I took had no effect whatsoever, I was pretty self conscious and danced to a minimum. Yeah, and I was a shield most of the time, blocking other guys from grinding the girls. Lmao.
I forgot the guy in white's name. He drove me home, which makes me feel bad -.-, lol.
Esther looked really pretty that night too.
And she looks really nice, even with that kissy face. Lol.
Overall, quite a anticlimatic night, but with bits and pieces of good conversation and knowing some of them better. And I've never been this sober before in a club. I'm clear headed all the time, but to this extent... it's a first. Was pretty interesting to see the other sides of all these church members too. Who smoked, who used profanities, who did what. An eye opener for certain people. Funny thing is they all know me, or at least have seen me. I guess my hair is very recognizable -.-, lol, more so than I assumed.
No question on which foot/leg is mine. Damn obvious.
Yeah, they took off their heels and played around with them. I wish that was a joke!
A joke would be if someone threw up and they stepped on it with their barefeet =x. No, seriously... you have no idea how often people just dance and step (with shoes of course) on the vomit without noticing it.
I had school hours after I came back from clubbing. And I started doing my assignments. Yeah, bad choice or good? Under the influence of alcohol (almost negligible), I did my work and Leon was more favourable than the previous weeks. Geez. Alcoholic inspiration. At this rate I should drink a lot before doing all my assignments, lol.
I attended service after class and Keith preached a great sermon about the gifts of the Holy Spirit. That week he asked us to prophesy over someone we never met before. So I did. It was one of the more unexpected propecies I've given. In all the times I've prophesied, I've never been totally wrong. Maybe I missed a mark here or there, but generally its been accurate. That's pretty freaky 'cause I was always skeptical of modern prophesying last time. And even now I still have doubts on my own prophesying, even though the results are never wrong. However, praise be to God, since it's none of my own knowledge or efforts.
So I ended up prophesying for this guy called Alan. I was dead, dead tired that time 'cause I had corporate identity 2 earlier, and I didn't sleep at all. I nearly fell asleep during the service itself too. So while I was prophesying over him, there was no word, no image, no nothing at all that was revealed to me. Normally there is, even the slightest hint of it, that somehow "shows" me what to prophesy. In this case, my mind was a blank. TOTAL blank! Plus I was dead tired! I was almost reluctant to prophesy 'cause I was damn tired. I was thinking to myself "How the hell can I prophesy when I don't have anything appearing in my mind?" But then I realized I was thinking of someone constantly "I'm so damn tired." I was like... serious? Prophesy that he's tired because that's all thats in my head? I didn't have anything else to say, and this was the only thing appearing in my mind, so I tried my luck, and prophesied about Alan being very tired and unsure about some stuff. But I also told him that he needed to lean on God's strength through this time, so that the reality of His strength would be evident.
Believe it or not, after the service ended he actually told me I was totally accurate. He said lately he'd been dead tired from certain works and assignments he needed to do, and that he'd been relying solely on himself. Amazing. Simply amazing. Honestly though, I was still skeptical of myself a little bit. When he told me I was right, the first thing that came to mind "Pure dumb luck".
The next day I drove Zoe to SS4 'cause she wanted to audition for some commercial or something. SS4 is a bloody maze, and I couldn't find my way around well. Got lost but reached the place in the end. I was just hanging around and all and later I found out Zoe signed up my name also. So I needed to audition as well. What the?! So I auditioned... I had to give an introduction of myself, act happy, and act sad. I don't know how my acting skills were. I did get an A- for my drama class back in year 2. I hope it was alright? Don't laugh if you see me in a commercial next time -.-.
Chronicled
2:30 PM
e l e g y
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy birthday to Shana and Fei Yan!
Two weeks back, Shana and Fei Yan had a combined birthday celebration. They called it coinjoined -.-, lol, and they consider themselves lesbian lovers even though they bicker 24/7, lol.
Regardless, for this celebration they were mainly inviting the people that knew the two of them. The Genting gang (lol, I guess that'll be their unofficial title) also went, so at least I had people I knew apart from the birthday girls. I got to meet Darren and Tabitha, Fei Yan's church members, as well as her primary schoolmates. Actually, apart from Darren, Tabitha and I, all of them knew each other from primary school!
It was held at Souled Out, at Sri Hartamas. It was my first time there, and my second time in my life just being in the Sri Hartamas area. The first time, I was only there for a short while, due to Shaun, Michelle, Su Lip, Yu En and I looking for a club in Sri Hartamas, that was actually closed down due to a raid -.-. Anyhoo, the food is superb, and the descriptions of the food really make you hungry -.-. Of course, it's quite pricey. My food and drink cost Rm40. But the atmosphere is pretty good, and they were showing the Japan and Netherlands match, which made the surrounding area really noisy. And the game distracted us too!
I sat with the Genting group, and Estee also came back from Australia, so that was a pleasant surprise. Fei Yan and Shana had to shift in between our group and the other half of the people throughout the night, so we didn't get to chat that much with them, but we had a good time amongst ourselves. We also gobbled up the food freaking fast, and were tempted to steal the others food! Haha! Aaron and I ended up being the garbage trucks, as we ate the stuff the girls couldn't finish. It was a great time catching up, and they said they want to plan another Genting outing. Make sure it happens!
Anyhoo, the picture you see above was the group photo of everyone. With the exception of Darren, Tabitha and Julie, or something like that, I never got to know the rest of the other half. But we sang happy birthday, and the staff made Shana and Fei Yan wear that stupid looking hat (lawls), and yeah. Hugged Shana and Fei Yan goodbye after the whole event, and Fei Yan, Ajeet, Tabitha and I went to chill out at some place nearby. Had a hell of a time! Haha!
Best wishes. I'm missing
you already.
Chronicled
10:08 AM
e l e g y
Friday, July 2, 2010
Khar Loo, it's been a month.
Chronicled
6:33 PM
e l e g y
Initially, I was in a rush to show things for the critique session, so I just threw in the names of people that'd been on my mind lately. Later on, I realized that the names of the people I put actually had something to do with the art form I randomly put them in. Weird eh? But cool.
"No matter how busy you are, you will always make time for your friends."
Michelle was totally enjoying herself.
This was the most intimate. Yeah. Intimate. Lawls, seriously.
I forgot the guy in white's name. He drove me home, which makes me feel bad -.-, lol.
Esther looked really pretty that night too.
And she looks really nice, even with that kissy face. Lol.
No question on which foot/leg is mine. Damn obvious.
Yeah, they took off their heels and played around with them. I wish that was a joke!
Happy birthday to Shana and Fei Yan!