Aiks... my last two weekends have been really packed!
Two weeks back, on Saturday I had band jamming. I blew up an amp when I played in the studio, so I had wishes to repeat that again at Chris' house. Jamming went quite well until the end when Harish and Joseph had a major argument which led to us stopping the jamming abruptly. Zzz -.-.
After that I headed to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Ruz. It was a failed Essenism outing as everyone else wasn't free, lol. We booked tickets for Battleship and headed to the arcade, where my shooting skills haven't degraded too much. But I still got killed pretty fast compared to my normal standards. Yeesh. Anyway, Battleship was pretty damn good! A lot of people have been saying it's good but I was wondering how the hell do you make a Hasbro game into a movie? And from the trailers, with aliens? Somehow they did it, and it was very impressive. Although I must say the aliens were a bit too inconsistent on who they killed, leading to their downfall. And it normally would've never been something I paid attention to, but someone on Facebook mentioned that Battleship wasn't a movie about fighting aliens, but about seeing Rihanna's hat never fall off! And because of that damn status update, I actually paid attention... and it never fell off. Lmao.
The next day was Sunday, and I had church. Fei Yan, Rachelle and Shaun Lim asked me extremely late the previous night whether they could join me for church service. Their own church (they've been attending since they were kids) has become old and outdated in thinking, leading to extremely narrow-minded views on controversial issues such as homosexuality. But it goes beyond that. Even hairstyles are condemned if they're "too worldly". It's gone to the extent that even the cellgroup leaders of their church are ashamed to bring their friends to the church because of the views. Can you imagine that? The leaders are ashamed to bring their friends to their own church. Geez! I've long been saying that's ridiculous for her church to have such views on this and other matters, and they've been considering attending a new church. Not an easy decision since they've been attending it since childhood and they have lots of friends there. They decided to go church-hopping and see what other churches could suit them. So first up? My church, lol... City Harvest Church Kuala Lumpur.
I met them up at Sunway in the morning and guided them over to church. We were a few minutes late, but just in time for the worship songs. Abundant Life Ministries leader Paul Scanlon and his church's band had come as guest speakers and musicians, respectively for the weekend. Apparently our respective senior pastors have had a close relationship, but this is the first time Paul Scanlon's come to Malaysia and our church. After the songs, announcements and formalities, Paul Scanlon went on stage and began to preach. And halfway through, I began to laugh.
Lol... I didn't laugh because his message was bad or he preached it poorly. I laughed because of what his message was about and how extremely relevant it was to Fei Yan, Rachelle and Shaun. Paul Scanlon preached about being a church that has more rooms and more doors, in a metaphorical sense. He spoke about the ALM church as an example, where they supported people who wanted to bring in people with whom they could relate to. Former drug addicts to form a ministry for drug addicts, shy people to form a ministry that will run in smaller groups for people who don't like large crowds. Homosexuals to create a ministry for themselves. He spoke about how a church must be open minded and relevant for the people they want to reach out to; only then will they be receptive. It needs to have more rooms, each with a different function. It would let the church have a wide variety of ministries that would help people in various situations and backgrounds. Thus, if we did it correctly, we would help people. And what an honour it would be that strangers would hear of this church and say "Is this the church that helps people?"
And that's why I laughed. Every single thing he spoke about applied to Fei Yan's church. Every point he made, every example he said we should follow was like a direct blast on Fei Yan's church and what they were doing wrong. Fei Yan and Rachelle kept giving those "Oh my God" looks to each other continually, when point after point, Paul Scanlon preached about something so dear to their hearts. If, from their stories I could tell how relevant this sermon was, it must've hit home a lot harder to for them since they live those stories. When he gave suggestions on how to improve churches for this mindset and all, they immediately wanted to buy the sermon CD. Haha... quite divine! That the weekend they decide to try a new church it hits home so strongly for them.
They were also impressed by the looks and format of the church. They kept comparing billboards, screens, and the such to their own church, even saying that they "came out from a jungle"... LMAO. It was really nice to hear all this stuff about CHCKL. The City Harvest Churches I've been in have been my only churches my entire life, and I am extremely proud and loyal to them. Of course, the churches around the world all worship the same God (lets excuse theological arguments from this), but its in the City Harvest family that God has placed me in, and I'm really happy for that. And the fact that visitors are such in awe and impressed make me feel really proud that despite a small amount compared to the whole, a part of this building was paid by me.
They met and introduce themselves to my cellgroup, but they were headed off somewhere else, so they didn't join my cellgroup for lunch. Rachelle invited me to join them for a play later on and KLPAC at night though, and I thought why not? I rarely go for plays anyway... might as well give some support to the local scene. After lunch I met up with Miki at TOA since she was working there and asked me to join her after I was done with church. We talked and chatted for a few hours before she went back home and I went to meet up with Rachelle and Shaun. Fei Yan didn't join us. We met up with Amelia, a friend of theirs who I met in Laundry Bar for a gig many months back. She and her mother drove us over to KLPAC. We were pretty early, so we grabbed some drinks and food while waiting. Conversation was mostly about books, which was funny because I have no had conversations on books and their stories for a really long time. No one really reads amongst my groups of friends, and even if they do, it's usually not a topic for conversation. Apparently all of us waiting for the play to start were heavy readers. Lmao.
A few minutes before the start of the play, we heard a lot of noise from the cast members outside. I kid you not when I say they are amongst the loudest and craziest strangers I have ever met. I think it was part of the acting, but they were insane, making a ton of noise, smiling like idiots and asking whether our sense of humour was in our bags. Even inside, some of the audience which I guessed were friends of the actors, were loud and insane and very, very vibrant and expressive. I know what art students are like. Is this what drama students are like? I forgot the name of the play, but it was pretty entertaining, and the premise of the story was that this guy used to be the only funny guy in the world, relying often on puns. He wished that he could make everyone in the world funny and he went on a quest with his friend to do that. After defeating the 7 sins, he eats the punapple (yeah... pun and pineapple) his wish is granted, and the world is in chaos. Doctors smoke inside the operation theatre and joke about how "Autopsy is a dying profession". To undoes it all later on through kisses, which apparently reverse the pun effect, so he does it to everything and everyone. The whole thing was a humourous thing to make people laugh. Like the TV was just a plastic screen with the actors behind it, and the DVD player was a person, and twisting his nipple made it fastforward. I thought it was really well done! Using themselves and plastic screens (and an Xbox controller) they did the story really well and the amount of puns killed me. Seriously... there was a pun in almost every line but somehow it wasn't overdone. Nice!
As if that wasn't the way to end my day, I still went to Centrepoint to join Sharon and Joseph for Left4Dead 2. We played until 1am, and chatted about Satanism and music which ended up being them asking me about the different offshoots of Christianity and biblically sound doctrines until 3am. Geez. I was the Walking Wikipedia again. Except I was sitting down and answering one after another. Lmao. Still... glad my knowledge was put to good use!
Church, lunch, Miki, KLPAC and Left4Dead 2, with long conversations spread throughout the day. Hell, eventful, tiring but very fun!
My previous weekend was another eventful weekend, but that post shall wait, lol.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I kept this post in drafts since late last year.
I've been editing it here and there at times, renewing it and refreshing it to the current point of time I've been in. But I never posted it, partly because I never managed to finish it, and partly because I didn't think there was a proper time to publish it so far. Yeah, I know that I make really random blog posts sometimes that fit nowhere with my current events in life, directly or indirectly. But this, for some reason never had me publishing it.
Today, however, I think it's fitting. Not for the best reason, but because I think its apt. Earlier today a friend (considering this is sensitive, I'll leave out the name, although if you know my groups of friends, this should be pretty easy to guess) called me asking if I was free on Sunday to go to her friend's gravestone. He just died earlier today and he has been a close friend of hers since her birth, they both suffered from thalassemia and went for transfusions together regularly. When she called me she was fine, but a while later she called me again, sobbing, because she needed someone to talk to. I just said simple words of encouragement, but there really wasn't much I could say to comfort. She was scared that her friend had been perfectly fine a few days earlier, and he died so suddenly. Suddenly she feared for her life. She didn't want to die so suddenly, despite being macho a few years back telling my group of friends that she wasn't going to live very long in the first place. I think that was said in a state of mind where things were fine. Now that a harsh, sudden reality has hit, perhaps she's going through her true emotions; of what she'd really feel when death is possibly near. And this is the cause; the main reason for posting this now. Read on.
So, like I've said many times before, I really don't think much if I were to suddenly die. I wouldn't be begging for my life, worrying about what to achieve, what else I could've done, but I'd be more like "Aye, that's it?". Yeah... something along the lines of "Oh well".
If I know I'm going to die with certainty, there's really no point trying to cry and argue. I'll just let it happen. And if I really do believe in my God, I would also believe that He has the best plan for my life as well. And despite the apparent absurdity in it, this death somehow means that. This has led me to say that I really don't care much about health, life and longevity, and to just enjoy life now, without worrying so much. I've also told my friends many times that I don't really care if I die, and thus I don't fear death. "I don't care if I die" is something I've said so many times. And I mean it. I've faced death quite a few times. I've seen it upclose. It doesn't give me the same kind of shivers I see so many have. I'm not saying I want to actively end my life. Long over are my days where I was depressed and suicidal. I'm now content with life, content with the little I've done (compared to those with great success stories), and proud of who I am now. However, if the end of my life does come, I will embrace it. Faith can do that. And because I care little for my own life, I don't mind so much.
This pathetic care for my own life surprises a lot of people. Some of them wonder, aren't you a Christian? Aren't Christians supposed to value life? How can you say that? Aren't you afraid you might be wrong (regarding religion)? Yes, yes, I can, no. Yeah, I'm a Christian, a very devout one that goes to service every week, giving my tithes, helping out in charities, orphanages and elderly homes once in a while. I give to charity, and help strangers randomly sometimes. I offer my seat on the buses and LRT to those who need it. I value life, and I persuade those who want to take their life to think again. Having been through that, I know more or less the correct words to say. But does it affect whether I value my own life? I guess not. Despite being devout, a part of my depressed self still remains as this idea, or more correctly, this mindset that I don't care about my own life. If God were to one day ask me to sacrifice my life for someone I didn't know, I would, without a thought. This ignores the hypothetical part of me asking what this guy will do, whether he'll murder or commit serious sins. And yes, Christians do value life. It's one of the reasons why they're so opposed to abortion, as they take a fetus as an actual life. I do value life. And I value the life of the 7 billion people in this world more than mine. And regarding religion, am I worried I might be wrong? Hardly. My faith in God is very strong and credibly backed up. In the very slight chance I'm wrong, let's assume the major religions of the world. In Judaism, following the 7 Laws of Noah will ensure you enter heaven. Those laws are more or less moral rules and treating your neighbour correctly; kinda stuff. In Islam, the People of the Book, Jews and Christians will enter heaven too, although there's debates on what kind of specific afterlife we'll get. As for the reincarnation religions, I'll be reborn anyway, so we'll let them judge how good of a life I lived here. And as for the religions that ensure you need to do good works, I've got that well-covered, at least to my own limited knowledge. In every sense, I'm not worried if I'm wrong. And I am quite assured I am not wrong anyway. So no, I have no fears there.
That isn't my main point though. Quite a few months ago Nikke said something that gave me pause. It actually stumped me for quite a long time. Somehow we got into this topic of death, and I said what I always say when talking about the value of my own life "I don't really care if I die". Then she said "Awww, what about us? We'll miss you." It echoed the sentiments of other friends who brought this up later. While the rest were not so direct, they all basically meant the same thing. "What about us?"
Now, I pride myself on being very well versed in words and speech. I know how to talk and present quickly and clearly. I know how to make quick comebacks to insults. I know how to blast people very efficiently, and I know how to counter jokes in humour. I also know how to debate very well and give my points properly. And I've long explained, in the best terms I can, why I don't value my life. I see it as a morbid remnant from my depressed past, that remains as this. However, Nikke's question took me completely off guard, and I didn't quite know how to answer. Such a simple question, yet I couldn't answer it. The question rang in my head for months, and I kept arguing with myself. Giving reasons why I had every right to throw my life away. And then arguing with myself again why I needed to care about my friend's concerns of me being around. I kept at it for months, sometimes out the blue coming out with an argument from one side, and hours, days, or weeks later coming with a comeback against that prior argument. It was funny and stupid. But it was an important topic too.
So what's my conclusion? I'll get on to that. But first, I need to see, why are so many people saying this? Why do people value me that much? Yeah, okay, when it comes to intelligence and words, I can understand, but there's plenty of smart jerks with acid tongues. My pride on my intelligence and words does not extend to other aspects of me people would consider virtuous. I'm not a saint. Hardly. Nearly all my friends have no idea of the charity work I do with the church, and sometimes, outside of church, so I shall ignore that. My friends don't become my friends because I help others in need. And they don't even know it in the first place. So what gives? I try to be there for my friends, although sometimes I fail. I drink a lot, and get drunk sometimes. That's not saintly. I viciously blast people with my words, when the Bible tells me to turn the other cheek. Sure, I may not be a horrible person, but I've never felt that I'm such a great person to deserve such good friends, with many I know would die for me; and I, for them. It's one of the reasons I thank God so much, for these kind of people. But its funny, because a lot of these friends of mine dislike the other good friends of mine. They wonder how I can be friends with someone like this, or that. Yet they are people who are extremely close to me, despite their animosity of one another. A lot of people ask me out to hang out, to chill, to introduce to new friends. I'm not boring, but neither am I the most interesting person in the world. What makes them want to bring me along to their friends? I myself like my friends to meet other friends, with varying degrees of success, because I don't care that much about their differences (until they start hating each other).
Also one thing that eludes me is the fact that a ton of people turn towards me for help; I'm often the first person they turn to in trouble and tough times. They think of me as a good person (please, I am hardly good). While I am honoured, I do not place myself as highly they do. Yet, a friend dies? I'm asked to visit the gravestone with her. A father dies? I'm asked to attend the funeral. A friend's friend who I never met before is in the hospital? I'm asked to be there. Need a place to stay urgently? My house. Broke up with the significant other? They call me, or tell me the full details. Need a chat or a shoulder? They ask for me I'm constantly honoured and in awe. Honoured for being someone so highly regarded, but also in awe because I don't see myself in that same light. It's quite a fascination. I was reading about how some people are so tired that they're taking in all their friends problems all the time, and that they simply just give up because their problem becomes solving their friends problems. And because they fail at a few, they give up. I myself sometimes feel overwhelmed by the amount of troubles my friends go through. And yet there I am, whenever I can; there for them. Logic keeps me sane because I know I will never be able to solve every single one of their problems, but I help when I can. It keeps me grounded in reality. And yet sometimes there's optimism that I can be there to solve quite a portion of things. So far, I have never given up hearing and shouldering all these burdens of my friends, because for one thing, I am honoured that I would be considered in the first place. Secondly, it is ultimately their problem to deal with. I am merely there to help, not to solve everything for them.
So despite me not seeing myself in the same light as a lot of my friends do, apparently I am highly regarded. Thank you very much for allowing me to be in that position.
So, now, what was my conclusion? I lost the argument.
Yeah, vague. But let me clarify. I still have very little value for my life, but I will not actively try to end my life. Therefore, the main part of "What about us" is solved, because I am not ending my life proactively, and therefore I can't help it if I die. However, I do realize the main part of their concern is how life would be without me. Honestly, it wouldn't be that different. Maybe for a while, but life always goes on. But I found an analogy that was amusing yet poignant. Imagine I stopped friends from coming over to my house to stay, and/or to drink. Now while I have every right to, it'd be selfish on my part, because it offers something to them, and yet I withhold it from them. It's selfish, despite me having no wrongs doing so. My friends could simply find a new place to drink or stay over. But it remains that I withheld what I could offer. This is how I see my life. If the time comes and I can end my life, I have every right to end it. It is my own life (I'm ignoring God in the picture here... that would be a whole other issue). But I'd be robbing my friends of company, a friend and whatever it is they value in me, since I don't quite know what they value in me sometimes. It's quite utilitarian I guess.
So I conclude with the final thought that ended this argument in my head.
I myself don't place much value on my own life, so why should I be selfish and take it away for no reason, when other people treasure it more than me?
Chronicled
1:19 PM
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Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wonderful. The public holiday Malaysia gets is also the same day an earthquake is triggered near Aceh. That place doesn't get a break does it? Well, I guess that's what you get when your country is on plate boundaries =/.
Anyway, it was the Easter weekend earlier! As in my previous post, on Good Friday I went drinking with Sharon and Susan, that included other people. I re-read my post, and it seems I wasn't too high. The only part I left out was that Steve the Greek dude bought us all Jagerbombs too, and he told us no worries when Ethan and I tried to pay him back. Other than that, the rest is still accurate. Although I did leave out some parts.
Saturday was a lazy day in the morning, but at night I went to chill out with Symposium at Sunway. Exchanged stories, chatted and found out someone has left the virginity club! Nikke also passed me the books I asked for. A few months back the Malaysian government gave all students RM200 worth of vouchers to be used at bookstores for stationery, books and the such. Redzuan had no use for it and offered it to me and Nikke. I asked her to get me 4 books that I've been pining for a long time. The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking, The Genesis Enigma, The Fry Chronicles (an autobiography of Stephen Fry) and lastly, I Can Read You Like a Book, a book by spies that gives pointers to look out for in discerning people. I had initially thought Nikke and I were splitting it even, so I was surprised to find out she had gotten all the books. I was like, 4 books for a hundred? That's a pretty good deal. Then I found out she was going there for supplies, and the vouchers were all spent on my books. Made me very appreciative and guilty!
This made me LOL so hard.
The next day was Easter. Last year, CHCKL had a Christmas production called Chromeheart, which was about a boy who held the key to the fountain of life or something like that. He had a group of friends since childhood and when they become teenagers, it coincides with when the banishment of the bad guys ends. Good guy gets girl and good guys win the battle. There were a few impressive fight scenes and the lead actor's mother (played by Faith) gets killed, as does the main bad guy. It sets the story for part two, called Chromeheart: Revelation which details the hero's journey to train with the heroes and be on his journey. Well, the hype for it has been pretty impressive, to the point that even the local newspapers here promoted it on the front page! Anyway, part two was much more interesting, and I was surprised with the amount of depth and betrayal they put into part 2. Part two has the main hero (Ray-an) training with the warriors, and missing life back in the village. Meanwhile his girl (Del-ia) has gotten together with another of the childhood gang (Tiqua), while the remaining person of the childhood gang (Waduda) has just become a father. The main bad guy gets resurrected in a pretty awesome scene that used levitation in the act! He gets the bad guys to rally up their forces once again. Ray-an comes back for a visit to his village and finds out his dear girl has gotten together with his friend. Del-ia accepts but later rejected Tiqua's proposal and then he gets angry, gets mad and eventually becomes one of the bad guys, finding out the main bad guy is his father. Oh lol.
Long story short. Tiqua kills Waduda. Villages gets pissed off at Ray-an for causing trouble to their village, gives him to the bad guys. Good guys come to fight. Big fight. Bad guys about to win, main bad guy about to kill Ray-an, but Tiqua kills the main bad guy and his girl. He's about to kill a cowardly villager but kills Ray-an when he jumps to protect the coward. Coward summons enough courage and kills Tiqua. End. Happy ending, despite all the deaths. And Del-ia remains the only one left alive from the childhood group. Lol.
Of course, that was a very brief summary. Watching it would be much better and informative, since there was a lot more that I left out. But like I said, the storyline impressed me a lot more than Chromeheart. Revelation was a huge step forward in acting, story, settings and effects. The guy who resurrected the bad guy in the drama is actually a performing magician, and he used actual flames in his hands and that levitation trick to great effect. In addition were the professional fight choreographers who helped make the fight scenes very realistic and well done. There were a lot more stunts too, compared to before and it was just awesome. Really proud of my church for doing this! Of course, the main point was Easter. After the drama Pastor Kevin had a short sermon talking about the drama, and why he didn't do the traditional drama of Jesus being crucified and resurrected. He talked about how he wanted to try something new, and something different that people could enjoy, yet relate to when it came to the feelings of the different characters. So Esther, his wife came up with the entire concept and script. Eitan, their 5 year old son even suggested that characters drop in from the sky, and what do you know, they even added that in Chromeheart: Revelation. Pastor Kevin then reminded us that we all feel different kinds of things like the various characters felt, and although that might have been a drama, in real life we know how it is. Then he went on to say that Easter was a reminder that although we have so much troubles and all these confusing emotions, Jesus is here and died for us 2000 years ago. That's it. It was such a simple sermon, yet when he made an altar call, a huge amount of people went. The crowd for the service was crazy anyway. I reached at 10am exactly (when the service starts) and I barely managed to squeeze into the last 2 rows at the top of the terraces. Normally when I reach at 10am I can still find plenty of space. Yeah, I guess the publicity generated by the newspapers got some of the public to attend. Yikes.
Simply amazing. My church. My home. My God.
After service I hung out with my cellgroup taking pictures and chatting up people in the church lobby, as there was a bazaar and some merchandise being sold. Chris from my band had attended, and so had Susan, who was invited by Sharon. The cellgroup wanted to eat, but so did Sharon and Susan... and since I see my cellgroup a whole lot more than Sharon and Susan (although about equal the last 4 weeks), I decided to have lunch with the girls instead. We went to Puchong and met up with Ethan and his friend Ryan, who were having dimsum. Had hilarious chats and it was nice to have a meal and conversation with the rest (minus Sharon) completely sober. 'Cause everytime I've seen them, there was always alcohol involved. That lunch was perhaps the first one where hot tea was the only drink. Lmao.
Well. That was more or less the events on my weekend. Drink on Good Friday and attend church on Sunday, to watch Chromeheart: Revelation. Well worth it!
And not forgetting to thank Jesus Christ for dying 2000+ years back. Although we ended up Christianizing a pagan festival to commemorate the death and resurrection of Jesus, the fact remains that the evidence concerning the resurrection is really compelling, and therefore, so is my faith in Jesus. Well-rested on historical and scriptural evidence, I am well assured. Thank you
יֵשׁוּעַ.
Chronicled
1:03 PM
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Friday, April 6, 2012
Aiks... came back from drinking with Sharon and Susan.
I don't quite know why I want to blog right after the event. Normally I blog about things after they happen. Perhaps it'd be interesting to see hwo honest I am under the influence of alcohol, and to see how many typocs I make. I see a few already. Crap.
So while I was on the way to Sunway to hang out with Symposium, Sharon called me and said that Susan and her were drinking at Changkat again, and asked me along. After confirming I was able to use the car, I agreed. Miki drove me back home and I got ready and left, arriving pretty late. The non-Netherlands guy was there, who's name I finally remember; Ethan. A Greek Caucasian was there was well, named Steve as well as another Joseph who was a colleague of Susan and Sharon. We went to Never Mine again, but after drinking a bit we headed to Havana to meet Ben, a friend of theirs who invited us to drink with his table!
I met Ben previously, and he was extremely generous with the alcohol. This time, it was no different. He offered us Jagerbombs again, as well as Skyy Vodka and for me, some drink that tasted like a Mojito with no mint, but I wasn't sure what the hell it was. Well, had a great chat with everyone, and talked about stupid stuff. Sharon initially didn't want to drink with Ben because she thought he wasn't interested, despite so much effort from her. So I had to be the middleman and keep drinking with him! (I didn't mind at all). Sharon and Susan got drunk pretty fast and were dancing with me, but I hadn't drank enough so I didn't grind them or anything. Not even basic dancing... haha. They kept putting their arms around me, which while I didn't mind, I could see that Steve and Ben weren't too pleased. Eh, I guess I can't say too much here. Lol. But they're cool with me.
Weird drinking night though. Normally my head gets buzzed and fuzzy long before my stomach feels the need to puke. Tonight however, my head were clear as hell but my stomach felt the effects of the alcohol long before the buzz came in. Is that how Skyy Vodka works? Or was it the amount I drank? Mojito, long island, that weird thing Ben offered me, Jagerbombs, and lots and lots of Skyy Vodka. Heck. All that alcohol got everyone very honest. One person confessed his feelings to a girl. One girl confessed her feelings to a guy, and got attached an hour later. Susan told me that she was very impressed with me, because I was very smart and because I was a virgin. LOL. She meant it in the sense that I kept to my vows and ideals without giving in, and yeah. Lmao.
Only towards the very ending of the night did I eventually get that buzz, and that's when Sharon kissed me. Tasty; I like.
Chronicled
5:05 PM
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